(no subject)
Rough night at work. Very boring with about 10 customers in the 5 hrs that i've been there. This means, i got the pleasure of cleaning the toilets and washing the windows and doing all that bitch work. While doing this i've got to thinking about, well, everything. Then i became rather depressed.
I don't feel very appriciated. I feel as if im not really important or as important as everyone else. I feel as if i try too hard and get no where. I feel as if im just useless body weight that fills up earth space and that's it....im nothing else. I'm just here doing my time until my time is up. I'm not special, i don't stand out apart from everyone else, i'm nothing, no one...nattahh. I feel like im the center of everyone's problems and if it wasn't for me no one would fight and everyone would be happy. I'm always the one's who usually makes the plans so i feel like since i do that people just hang out w. me bc they don't want to make me feel bad. I drive them everywhere and i don't complain...it's not even about gas it's not about not wanting to drive..it's about them appriciating it. I love hanging out with my friends, they're my whole life but sometimes i feel like they don't want me around and their just not telling me. Sometimes i feel like it kills them for be to be there...but their not saying anything bc that would cause drama and we don't want that. I feel like crying. I feel like running away, by myself, and never coming back. I don't know what triggered my feeling this way...maybe it's the way duncan doesn't listen to me and makes fun of me and never gives me any hours. Or maybe it's the way i slave all day at home, go to work, walk in the door to hear my mom bitching at me for pulling into the driveway too fast. I don't know but what i do know is i've never been this depressed, so instantly, in my entire life. I hate this.
Two weeks ago i wrote duncan a note that said i would be gone from the 8th to the 14th. He didn't schedule me last week but i ended up getting three days cause i took other peoples shifts cause i was desperate...hellloooo, i needed money for ny! But i only ended up working two shifts cause duncan said "no tiffany, morgan isn't taking your shift". WTF? Then he scheduled me saturday this coming week...the 8th...helloooo i fucking leave the 8th moron! That's the only day he scheduled me so someone said they'd switch w. me so jason took my shift for that day but duncan refused to give me any of jason's shifts. Soo the next time i work will probably be around july 20th...or something. Yeah...fuck that. I'm sick of this. I hate him. Dave should do the scheduling..he's the general manager, he's the one who hired me...grrr!!!
Alexis texted me while i was at work asking me if i wanted to sleep over with her, lauren and sam. This was probably the first planned sleepover like ever! Usually we just go over there during the day then stay the night. I'm excited. I'm glad sam didn't go and im glad we can all hang out this week before i leave. I haven't asked my mom yet. Usually she wouldn't mind if im home before she leaves for work. But then..she did bitch at me right when i walked in...ehh..hopefully im aloud.
Bye loves. I hope everyone's having a better night then i am. =)