"Up" Is the Only Alternative
I was certain that, laid up after my fall down the stairs, I would be forced to write more, pour out my heart into LiveJournal. Now that my cast has been removed and I am ambulatory again, it surprises me that I composed practically nothing during that space in time. Perhaps meds are to blame, or my stubborn practice of avoiding writing when I am in any kind of pain, but my last entry being over a month ago, I have to wonder at my impotence. It took me four years to begin writing about David's death -- I wonder how long it will take for me to write about what is happening to me now? It's the lowest I have been since David left me, no question about it. Tonight I felt very close to finding an exit sign and rushing towards it. My thanks to eloquentwthrage for his help this evening, quietly and calmly coaxing me away from the abyss. Will I contribute to LJ tomorrow or the next day? Or ever again? I have no idea.