Basically, never adopt meth babies, they're not worth it.
I guess I should post something of substance, it has been like a month, whoops. Between fatigue from either being ill or having autumn allergies, subject line-related family drama issues, and another dose of my brain's own patented abject misery, I have kind of fallen behind everywhere. Man, people with way more problems and things to do keep on top of this crap, what is my excuse? I am thinking of actually properly attempting NaNoWriMo again this year (instead of just using it to force myself to actually write anything like I've done for the last year or two), maybe that is my excuse. It is an obvious indicator of madnes, after all.
Things I hate about being on this anti-depressant:
I feel like - haha, okay, obviously, but - I can feel that my brain is wiring itself differently, which is... really damn weird. My memories seem kinda jumbled sometimes, which, uh, apparently is not super uncommon, since, y'know, new pathways and properly storing things now? But it's really disconcerting. I used to be really good at telling someone all the shitty things that have happened to me (or all the shitty things my brain has said about me) in the past day/week/month/etc, for example, and now I am like, I AM SURE IT HAPPENED? But they do not just pop up as readily. Which, I mean, is nice? But also really frustrating. NO, I want to call myself a useless loser 24/7 and also I want to remember it FOR EVER!!! I... have no idea, that probably makes no fucking sense at all.
Some days I am really resentful of my pills. Like, I can look at myself now and obviously see that they are, in fact, actually helping me somewhat (god, this is taking forever, though. Can't we just have a magical fix-all?), but I am bitter (probably always will be) that I even need help with this shit in the first place. It's some weird double standard. I don't care if other people use them, or think less of anyone else who needs them, but I am like I SHOULD BE BETTER THAN THIS UGH WHY CAN'T I JUST GET OVER IT and yell at myself and everyone around me sometimes when my phone starts beeping to remind me that I am supposed to drug myself. I wonder how well I'll get through the winter this time. That'd be neat, to not just be a ball of woe and despair by the time February rolls around.
bleh.
Aaaanyway, that all aside, here are some nicer things!
My mom bought her cat some pet mice. They are super adorable, and have made me think maybe I want a pet mouse / mice again. Except wow, haha, I had forgotten how smelly they can get, haha. I helped her clean their cage a bit ago when I was out there (we were doing our yearly trip to New Hampshire the next day), and, whew. Stinky mice! But they are still cute. And, since the cat has become one of the laziest things in the world (at least in regards to hunting small creatures) in her middle age, they are in absolutely no danger from her. The first night, she did press her paw up against the wires (yeah, it's not even a glass cage) a bit, and try to scratch at the bottom to "get in", but I think it was just because she wanted a better look at them. She likes to sit and stare and watch them. She sits and watches for hours. Here are a few pictures (the black mouse is Trill, and the gray one is Flit): Diana notices the new things!, watching, sniffing, waiting for them to emerge... And here is Flit on my right shoulder from the cage-cleaning adventure (shortly after, she ducked down into the hood and wasn't seen again until we fished her out to put back in the cage. She is very shy), and here is Trill playing peek-a-boo on my left shoulder. She was content to run around all over the bathtub for a while, but then she seemed kind of anxious, so I showed her where Flit was, and she calmed down again.
NH was a lot of fun, as usual. We saw cool things, did cool things, and hit up a couple pawn shops and bought neat things (well, thing, in my case. I snagged The Iron Giant on DVD for a buck, awesome! My collection expands. In the last month, I've managed to get a bunch of awesome movies on DVD for cheap from yard sales and the like). And also we ate tasty food, which is fun.
And at work, I'm finally being officially trained as a cake decorator. I already know most all of it (I had a few under the table lessons from a former coworker), but now it will be official, so they can actually schedule me as one. Here is (most of) a cupcake and cake platter I decorated! NO ONE BOUGHT IT, what the helllll. I was gonna buy it myself and stick it in the break room (I could not bear the thought of it being thrown out, because IT IS AWESOME), but when I asked the manager on duty if I just needed a paid sticker or what, he said, hey, I'll just shrink it out, so I didn't have to spend money, yay.
And here are a few more designs I've made up (hee, my coworkers have started copying them) for the jumbo cupcakes we sell: one, two, three yes shut up that's a sugar cookie. I didn't have a lot of time, but I wanted to show one of my coworkers how to do it, so I had to make a small one on top of that (it's a cat. Its face is Not Quite Right, I know. The other ones have looked better, I swear). The pumpkins are my favourite thing to make, though the spiders are also kinda fun, and they sell well.
And - HEY, DID YOU STOP READING? COME BACK. Or, well, Transformers / Optimus Prime / Bay-verse aesthetic fans, come back, anyway. I HAVE SOMETHING? FOR YOOOOU.
It's one of those cardboard standee-things. Of our dear face-stealing Prime! There are two catches - the first is that he is/was intended to be part of a product (toys?) display, so it is not a perfect Prime standee. The second is that, though I am more than willing to give him away, I am not up for paying shipping. So you'll need to cover that. If anyone is interested, I will find a box he fits in and get a price estimate (probably parcel post, as it is usually cheaper, since he is not going to fit in only one flat-rate box. I could maybe fit him into two of the $10-ish range ones, though? Or, you know, whatever you wanna pay, I don't care. If you want priority mail, well, I won't stop you. This second catch is why I am offering him here, by the way, since the person I offered him to first did not want to pay for his transportation). I haven't assembled him, but I did take the bits out and unfold them, if you want to see what it'd look like (and, hey, if you want to adjust it so he's straddling something, or standing behind something so you can't see the spot where the BUY OUR STUFF things should be, that'd probably work fine)... one!, two! (he is a bit tall! I guess that should be less surprising), DotM logo*, and a grainy image of what the fully assembled thing should look like, from the instructions (yes, it has instructions).
So, yeah, let me know if you have any interest, there.
*Keyboard not included. Do you like how I have had to write the note names on the keys? I was taught in solfège when I was little and have had a heck of a time learning otherwise ever since. I can translate it in my head for singing, but I still cannot get around it for instruments. Guitar lessons were hilarious.
Things I hate about being on this anti-depressant:
I feel like - haha, okay, obviously, but - I can feel that my brain is wiring itself differently, which is... really damn weird. My memories seem kinda jumbled sometimes, which, uh, apparently is not super uncommon, since, y'know, new pathways and properly storing things now? But it's really disconcerting. I used to be really good at telling someone all the shitty things that have happened to me (or all the shitty things my brain has said about me) in the past day/week/month/etc, for example, and now I am like, I AM SURE IT HAPPENED? But they do not just pop up as readily. Which, I mean, is nice? But also really frustrating. NO, I want to call myself a useless loser 24/7 and also I want to remember it FOR EVER!!! I... have no idea, that probably makes no fucking sense at all.
Some days I am really resentful of my pills. Like, I can look at myself now and obviously see that they are, in fact, actually helping me somewhat (god, this is taking forever, though. Can't we just have a magical fix-all?), but I am bitter (probably always will be) that I even need help with this shit in the first place. It's some weird double standard. I don't care if other people use them, or think less of anyone else who needs them, but I am like I SHOULD BE BETTER THAN THIS UGH WHY CAN'T I JUST GET OVER IT and yell at myself and everyone around me sometimes when my phone starts beeping to remind me that I am supposed to drug myself. I wonder how well I'll get through the winter this time. That'd be neat, to not just be a ball of woe and despair by the time February rolls around.
bleh.
Aaaanyway, that all aside, here are some nicer things!
My mom bought her cat some pet mice. They are super adorable, and have made me think maybe I want a pet mouse / mice again. Except wow, haha, I had forgotten how smelly they can get, haha. I helped her clean their cage a bit ago when I was out there (we were doing our yearly trip to New Hampshire the next day), and, whew. Stinky mice! But they are still cute. And, since the cat has become one of the laziest things in the world (at least in regards to hunting small creatures) in her middle age, they are in absolutely no danger from her. The first night, she did press her paw up against the wires (yeah, it's not even a glass cage) a bit, and try to scratch at the bottom to "get in", but I think it was just because she wanted a better look at them. She likes to sit and stare and watch them. She sits and watches for hours. Here are a few pictures (the black mouse is Trill, and the gray one is Flit): Diana notices the new things!, watching, sniffing, waiting for them to emerge... And here is Flit on my right shoulder from the cage-cleaning adventure (shortly after, she ducked down into the hood and wasn't seen again until we fished her out to put back in the cage. She is very shy), and here is Trill playing peek-a-boo on my left shoulder. She was content to run around all over the bathtub for a while, but then she seemed kind of anxious, so I showed her where Flit was, and she calmed down again.
NH was a lot of fun, as usual. We saw cool things, did cool things, and hit up a couple pawn shops and bought neat things (well, thing, in my case. I snagged The Iron Giant on DVD for a buck, awesome! My collection expands. In the last month, I've managed to get a bunch of awesome movies on DVD for cheap from yard sales and the like). And also we ate tasty food, which is fun.
And at work, I'm finally being officially trained as a cake decorator. I already know most all of it (I had a few under the table lessons from a former coworker), but now it will be official, so they can actually schedule me as one. Here is (most of) a cupcake and cake platter I decorated! NO ONE BOUGHT IT, what the helllll. I was gonna buy it myself and stick it in the break room (I could not bear the thought of it being thrown out, because IT IS AWESOME), but when I asked the manager on duty if I just needed a paid sticker or what, he said, hey, I'll just shrink it out, so I didn't have to spend money, yay.
And here are a few more designs I've made up (hee, my coworkers have started copying them) for the jumbo cupcakes we sell: one, two, three yes shut up that's a sugar cookie. I didn't have a lot of time, but I wanted to show one of my coworkers how to do it, so I had to make a small one on top of that (it's a cat. Its face is Not Quite Right, I know. The other ones have looked better, I swear). The pumpkins are my favourite thing to make, though the spiders are also kinda fun, and they sell well.
And - HEY, DID YOU STOP READING? COME BACK. Or, well, Transformers / Optimus Prime / Bay-verse aesthetic fans, come back, anyway. I HAVE SOMETHING? FOR YOOOOU.
It's one of those cardboard standee-things. Of our dear face-stealing Prime! There are two catches - the first is that he is/was intended to be part of a product (toys?) display, so it is not a perfect Prime standee. The second is that, though I am more than willing to give him away, I am not up for paying shipping. So you'll need to cover that. If anyone is interested, I will find a box he fits in and get a price estimate (probably parcel post, as it is usually cheaper, since he is not going to fit in only one flat-rate box. I could maybe fit him into two of the $10-ish range ones, though? Or, you know, whatever you wanna pay, I don't care. If you want priority mail, well, I won't stop you. This second catch is why I am offering him here, by the way, since the person I offered him to first did not want to pay for his transportation). I haven't assembled him, but I did take the bits out and unfold them, if you want to see what it'd look like (and, hey, if you want to adjust it so he's straddling something, or standing behind something so you can't see the spot where the BUY OUR STUFF things should be, that'd probably work fine)... one!, two! (he is a bit tall! I guess that should be less surprising), DotM logo*, and a grainy image of what the fully assembled thing should look like, from the instructions (yes, it has instructions).
So, yeah, let me know if you have any interest, there.
*Keyboard not included. Do you like how I have had to write the note names on the keys? I was taught in solfège when I was little and have had a heck of a time learning otherwise ever since. I can translate it in my head for singing, but I still cannot get around it for instruments. Guitar lessons were hilarious.