Repeat the days we cherished
I spent forty minutes around 5 o'clock this morning (well, Tuesday morning) in bed weeping in pain and unable to even think from the agony, while I waited for the painkillers to kick in. BUT THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH MY ANKLE, OH, NO, I GUESS THIS IS TOTALLY NORMAL. (It's still not sprained, either! YES, THANK YOU, MEDICAL WORLD, I'D NEVER HAVE FIGURED THAT ONE OUT ON MY OWN.)
Anyway, it's been a couple days, and I'm just brain-dumping a little more about 358/2 Days. (Because I am kind of embarrassed by the NOTHING that goes on in the ramble, I guess? Or something.)
…hopefully with less distancing this time? Haha, I didn't even realize I was doing it, but when I went back and read the last few pages, it looks like I kind of stopped reacting in the word document. (IT WAS VERY SAD and I was trying not to turn into a tear factory, and I was only partially successful.)
First, though, so, I went poking around YouTube looking for Xion's Theme, since I am a soundtrack junkie and I wanted to know which track it was (okay, so I had a pretty good idea, mostly I was looking for the tracks I didn't immediately know from the two main games so I could listen to them outside the game's context, but this is the one that has anything beyond that to bear with me) and I found it! And it is so very pretty. And also sad. But then continued poking yielded some videos with fanmade lyrics - and okay for a long while I was like, really, fanmade lyrics? And also most of them sucked, which didn't help. But Katethegreat19's stuff is actually kind of awesome (and her CD is really good, too, by the way!), and I was bored, so I gave it a listen, and it's really pretty (some of the lyrics don't really work, but the ones that do more than make up for it), buuuut then I was sad all over again. (And not just because of the video clip it's set to.) Anyway, go check it out, if you want.
Okay so the ending! I was being kind of stupid - I mean, even before the cutscene started, when I was standing in front of the doors, I realized, crap, this'll be the start of the string of final battles, isn't it? Whyyyyy am I going up there, again? But then there I was, regardless, and, oh, poor Roxas! (Right, you'd think I should've been saying, "Poor Xion!" or something - and I was! But she at least knew what was going on and what she was doing and Roxas didn't, and he was forced / tricked into fighting and killing one of his best friends (and he wasn't really speaking with Axel at that point, so sort of his only friend) and that really gets me. So, I mean. I don't know! I felt really awful for both of them! But slightly less so for Xion, I guess, because at least she knew what she was doing, she'd chosen that, and seemed to have made peace with it, and that really counts for a lot. It doesn't make it completely suck any less, but… (I guess I just feel there is a lot of, I don't know, power in it, that Xion was able to make that choice? I called her brave in the last entry, and I stand by that.)
And then fighting her, I don't know, I think I was sort of numb at that point, because I didn't want to freak out. But aaaaugh! It was hard (well, the fight itself wasn't, but the act of doing said fighting was - which actually, that was nice, on Square's part, knowing we'd be too distressed to fight properly)! And I didn't want to be doing it! And I didn't notice it until the final round, but when I did notice it, I also knew I'd done it the previous three - I couldn't attack her until she'd struck out at me. Like, come on, you're kidding, right? We're not really fighting… are we? Xion, we can't do this, you'll die! And of course she always turned it into a "kill or be killed" thing and - she'd have been so disappointed if Roxas had lost, because then Xemnas would have his way (and also she wasn't giving it her all, was she? I mean, especially in that last one, she essentially tells you to watch out before using some attacks, and encourages you to fight harder… they didn't really feel like taunts, anyway, even though the words themselves seemed like they should have) and I couldn't let her down like that, which was… a very interesting position to be in, really. I can't let you down, so I'll kill you! WHAT.
(So instead I started counting forms, because that's nice, and safer than thinking about, you know, what's going on and what's probably going to happen when I beat her.)
AND THEN literally as soon as the fight ends, poof! Roxas has forgotten her name, who she is, that they were just fighting… when he asked, "Am I the one who did this to you?" was when I finally started crying, because, how awful is that? (I thought I might make it without a breakdown when I got through the fight, and then even got through her telling Roxas he'd be okay as the music started, but no, of course not.)
And then when Axel (who probably had no clue what was going down over in Twilight Town) found the WINNER stick in his room, it felt like ("felt like"? More like was) a complete slap in the face and I had a moment of being completely, irrationally angry at SE for doing this to me and them and everyone ever.
Fortunately, it coincided with Xemnas being on screen and being an ass, so then I could redirect it at him. BECAUSE BEING EXCEPTIONALLY ANGRY AT FICTIONAL CHARACTERS IS WAY LESS RIDICULOUS.
And then I felt too upset to fight Riku, so I paused the game and walked away for a few hours! Which was kind of pathetic, actually, but I just didn't want to deal with being so simultaneously heartbroken and rageful.
Other things that upset me!: Roxas shouting that he just wants Xion and his life back, and thinking Sora and Kingdom Hearts were the keys to that. Oh, Roxas. (He's really very irrational at that point. Which is actually quite fitting, since I'd wager most people playing aren't feeling rational at that point! Well played, Squeenix…) And the way they played the three of them eating ice cream and then Xion fading out, that was … ouch.
(I was really unimpressed with how they played Riku's forgetting her, though, that was just kinda weak. OOO STATIC I don't know. Basically I didn’t care about that whole thing? Or, I cared, but it was removed, or something. Also, why does Roxas throw him a keyblade? Riku had Xion flashbacks afterwards, so was it supposed to be that Xion made Roxas throw it to him so he could fight and stop Roxas? That'd made some sense, in a weird kind of way.)
I was probably supposed to care when Riku was all dramatic and I WILL GIVE INTO THE DARK POWER IN MY HEAAAARRT but I was kind of beyond it at that point. "Yeah, whatever, Riku, have fun with that. You'll go back to normal and have a life later, so suck it up."
...And then they were jerks and were like LOOK! Here's Kingdom Hearts II! JUST IN CASE YOU'D FORGOTTEN HOW THIS GOES and then I started crying again.
Anyway, that's a little more coherency about the ~MY FEELINGS~ on and some vague thoughts about ending, 'cause I felt like it.
Now for some slightly less depressing stuff? I GOT MY GLACEON! Yay, Ayarei! And my Leafeon(s! The female is Rana, the male was named Kodama at my brother's suggestion). I also finally managed to track down a Scyther. I've been stalking that damn bug-catching contest for like a week now, and never finding one, and eventually getting sick of restarting and just settling with a Pinsir or whatever. BUT NO MORE! Yaaaay. ALSO I've taken my Pokéwalker with me to work enough now that even when it has nothing in it, I still grab it. Except! Apparently if there's no Pokémon in it, one will join you?! I DID NOT KNOW THAT but there's a Furret in there now and there wasn't earlier, and, awwww ♥ it totally made my day yesterday. Which, uh, was kind of weird! I did not expect to be so touched by that, but I kept finding myself being all happy about it. So, um, whatever?
AND. THE BEST THING EVER! I FINALLY BEAT MAAT. AAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHA THAT ONLY TOOK FOR EVER.
… @_@;
Now for some videos that made me laugh but which probably none of you will understand. The Greatest Boss in Gaming History! Not shown: the hundreds of times it kills you by pinning you against the wall. (PING PING PING PING PING PING PING PINGPINGPINGPINGPING) (And, for a strange twist, I actually appreciate most of the comments on these videos. XD) And the hardest video game jump ever. Thankfully not included: the godawful TINK sound that comes from striking into a wall. OH GOD THAT SOUND. And also I don't quite know what he means about the last three being easier / on a keyboard? Speed is not the biggest problem, the biggest problem is getting exactly the right angles at exactly the right time. By the way, you play that level twice. (The worst part of the jumping one is that I dicovered years later that there is a fucking shortcut? That I was just never able to find? Oh, god, did I scream when I found out about it. Actually, I'm not sure I'm over it yet.) (The first one is funnier. The second one is still a little too AAAAUGH for me.) (DO THOSE VIDEOS EXPLAIN A LOT ABOUT ME, especially re: my THING with dolphins? THEY SHOULD.)
Anyway, it's been a couple days, and I'm just brain-dumping a little more about 358/2 Days. (Because I am kind of embarrassed by the NOTHING that goes on in the ramble, I guess? Or something.)
…hopefully with less distancing this time? Haha, I didn't even realize I was doing it, but when I went back and read the last few pages, it looks like I kind of stopped reacting in the word document. (IT WAS VERY SAD and I was trying not to turn into a tear factory, and I was only partially successful.)
First, though, so, I went poking around YouTube looking for Xion's Theme, since I am a soundtrack junkie and I wanted to know which track it was (okay, so I had a pretty good idea, mostly I was looking for the tracks I didn't immediately know from the two main games so I could listen to them outside the game's context, but this is the one that has anything beyond that to bear with me) and I found it! And it is so very pretty. And also sad. But then continued poking yielded some videos with fanmade lyrics - and okay for a long while I was like, really, fanmade lyrics? And also most of them sucked, which didn't help. But Katethegreat19's stuff is actually kind of awesome (and her CD is really good, too, by the way!), and I was bored, so I gave it a listen, and it's really pretty (some of the lyrics don't really work, but the ones that do more than make up for it), buuuut then I was sad all over again. (And not just because of the video clip it's set to.) Anyway, go check it out, if you want.
Okay so the ending! I was being kind of stupid - I mean, even before the cutscene started, when I was standing in front of the doors, I realized, crap, this'll be the start of the string of final battles, isn't it? Whyyyyy am I going up there, again? But then there I was, regardless, and, oh, poor Roxas! (Right, you'd think I should've been saying, "Poor Xion!" or something - and I was! But she at least knew what was going on and what she was doing and Roxas didn't, and he was forced / tricked into fighting and killing one of his best friends (and he wasn't really speaking with Axel at that point, so sort of his only friend) and that really gets me. So, I mean. I don't know! I felt really awful for both of them! But slightly less so for Xion, I guess, because at least she knew what she was doing, she'd chosen that, and seemed to have made peace with it, and that really counts for a lot. It doesn't make it completely suck any less, but… (I guess I just feel there is a lot of, I don't know, power in it, that Xion was able to make that choice? I called her brave in the last entry, and I stand by that.)
And then fighting her, I don't know, I think I was sort of numb at that point, because I didn't want to freak out. But aaaaugh! It was hard (well, the fight itself wasn't, but the act of doing said fighting was - which actually, that was nice, on Square's part, knowing we'd be too distressed to fight properly)! And I didn't want to be doing it! And I didn't notice it until the final round, but when I did notice it, I also knew I'd done it the previous three - I couldn't attack her until she'd struck out at me. Like, come on, you're kidding, right? We're not really fighting… are we? Xion, we can't do this, you'll die! And of course she always turned it into a "kill or be killed" thing and - she'd have been so disappointed if Roxas had lost, because then Xemnas would have his way (and also she wasn't giving it her all, was she? I mean, especially in that last one, she essentially tells you to watch out before using some attacks, and encourages you to fight harder… they didn't really feel like taunts, anyway, even though the words themselves seemed like they should have) and I couldn't let her down like that, which was… a very interesting position to be in, really. I can't let you down, so I'll kill you! WHAT.
(So instead I started counting forms, because that's nice, and safer than thinking about, you know, what's going on and what's probably going to happen when I beat her.)
AND THEN literally as soon as the fight ends, poof! Roxas has forgotten her name, who she is, that they were just fighting… when he asked, "Am I the one who did this to you?" was when I finally started crying, because, how awful is that? (I thought I might make it without a breakdown when I got through the fight, and then even got through her telling Roxas he'd be okay as the music started, but no, of course not.)
And then when Axel (who probably had no clue what was going down over in Twilight Town) found the WINNER stick in his room, it felt like ("felt like"? More like was) a complete slap in the face and I had a moment of being completely, irrationally angry at SE for doing this to me and them and everyone ever.
Fortunately, it coincided with Xemnas being on screen and being an ass, so then I could redirect it at him. BECAUSE BEING EXCEPTIONALLY ANGRY AT FICTIONAL CHARACTERS IS WAY LESS RIDICULOUS.
And then I felt too upset to fight Riku, so I paused the game and walked away for a few hours! Which was kind of pathetic, actually, but I just didn't want to deal with being so simultaneously heartbroken and rageful.
Other things that upset me!: Roxas shouting that he just wants Xion and his life back, and thinking Sora and Kingdom Hearts were the keys to that. Oh, Roxas. (He's really very irrational at that point. Which is actually quite fitting, since I'd wager most people playing aren't feeling rational at that point! Well played, Squeenix…) And the way they played the three of them eating ice cream and then Xion fading out, that was … ouch.
(I was really unimpressed with how they played Riku's forgetting her, though, that was just kinda weak. OOO STATIC I don't know. Basically I didn’t care about that whole thing? Or, I cared, but it was removed, or something. Also, why does Roxas throw him a keyblade? Riku had Xion flashbacks afterwards, so was it supposed to be that Xion made Roxas throw it to him so he could fight and stop Roxas? That'd made some sense, in a weird kind of way.)
I was probably supposed to care when Riku was all dramatic and I WILL GIVE INTO THE DARK POWER IN MY HEAAAARRT but I was kind of beyond it at that point. "Yeah, whatever, Riku, have fun with that. You'll go back to normal and have a life later, so suck it up."
...And then they were jerks and were like LOOK! Here's Kingdom Hearts II! JUST IN CASE YOU'D FORGOTTEN HOW THIS GOES and then I started crying again.
Anyway, that's a little more coherency about the ~MY FEELINGS~ on and some vague thoughts about ending, 'cause I felt like it.
Now for some slightly less depressing stuff? I GOT MY GLACEON! Yay, Ayarei! And my Leafeon(s! The female is Rana, the male was named Kodama at my brother's suggestion). I also finally managed to track down a Scyther. I've been stalking that damn bug-catching contest for like a week now, and never finding one, and eventually getting sick of restarting and just settling with a Pinsir or whatever. BUT NO MORE! Yaaaay. ALSO I've taken my Pokéwalker with me to work enough now that even when it has nothing in it, I still grab it. Except! Apparently if there's no Pokémon in it, one will join you?! I DID NOT KNOW THAT but there's a Furret in there now and there wasn't earlier, and, awwww ♥ it totally made my day yesterday. Which, uh, was kind of weird! I did not expect to be so touched by that, but I kept finding myself being all happy about it. So, um, whatever?
AND. THE BEST THING EVER! I FINALLY BEAT MAAT. AAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHA THAT ONLY TOOK FOR EVER.
… @_@;
Now for some videos that made me laugh but which probably none of you will understand. The Greatest Boss in Gaming History! Not shown: the hundreds of times it kills you by pinning you against the wall. (PING PING PING PING PING PING PING PINGPINGPINGPINGPING) (And, for a strange twist, I actually appreciate most of the comments on these videos. XD) And the hardest video game jump ever. Thankfully not included: the godawful TINK sound that comes from striking into a wall. OH GOD THAT SOUND. And also I don't quite know what he means about the last three being easier / on a keyboard? Speed is not the biggest problem, the biggest problem is getting exactly the right angles at exactly the right time. By the way, you play that level twice. (The worst part of the jumping one is that I dicovered years later that there is a fucking shortcut? That I was just never able to find? Oh, god, did I scream when I found out about it. Actually, I'm not sure I'm over it yet.) (The first one is funnier. The second one is still a little too AAAAUGH for me.) (DO THOSE VIDEOS EXPLAIN A LOT ABOUT ME, especially re: my THING with dolphins? THEY SHOULD.)