(no subject)

[twilightrain88]

So I really failed today. On an up day mind you. No I did not binge and overdo it, I just did not even reach my suggested limit. I couldn't I'm so fucking heartbroken right now I have no appetite. And after eating so little yesterday as it was a dd, I reached a point where I was past hunger and the thought of eating made my want to get physically ill. =/ I don't even think I reached 1,000. I tried to eat some junk too, thinking the high cals would eventually add up quickly, but not so much. Had sf hot chocolate and a brownie with my mom when she stopped in before work. Was uber miserable all day. Had some iced tea though, but it was sweetened with splenda so little to no caloric value there. When mom got home she sliced up a couple of the caramel and candy apples we made and told me to split it with her. I could only eat a couple segments though. Later on this evening I kinda forced myself to eat a tuna sandwich (well half), lay's, and diet coke. I really do love tuna, but we only had italian bread and rye..I detest rye with a passion. And the italian was in big slices, with 80 per slice. I didn't want carbs particularly so I just took the one slice, spread the stuff on it and folded it in half. She even ordered pizza tonight, and gosh that's a major weakness usually. But...I truly do not desire it.

Gah...I'm so crushed. I feel like an absolute fool and nothing this boy can say to me that'll ease my heart. Words are meaningless to me atm..I need some form of action to know if he really cares (noo I'm not being dirty).

On a good note, my restriction seems to of gotten me back down to 120. Maybe I'll at least reach 115 throughout all of this. It might sound hella lame but...I'd so kill to cuddle with someone right now, or even just a hug. I need the comforts of being physically close to another being.