"like writing questions in letters" that pointless
It's raining fizz drizzle, a handsome black boy jogs by he is being chased by a white woman on a green truck. I woke up at ten thirty exactly. I dreamt about cheating and singing buena vista songs, trying to remember the correct words in spanish. Mac won't pick up his phone for breakfast, I alternate between reading the book he gave me (the rules of attraction) and feeling ridiculously bitchy (because of the book). I'm wearing red and black and actually decided to line my eyes with black shadow. All the books fault. I'm feeling too dramatic.
Papa and Magda finally came, they gave me fancy new new new digital camera. I will learn to love it. It is quite fancy. Low entry professional digital camera. Fancy fancy. Didn't come with a CF card so I can't play with the image on the screen. Have to go into hellish white plains on a day like this. Go buy one, also want red lip liner. Mac won't answer the phone.
I think of Alanna. Had multiple dreams of her over the summer. Worry about her, but can't forgive her childish cruelty. Still think that someday she'll realize she was just perpetuating her own fear of abandonment and loyalty issues. Sadly still refer to her as my only other female friend. Trying to get out of the habit but don't really want to. In my mind we still belong to each other.
Haven't spoken to the other one in a while. I wonder how her own perpetuation's are going. Book makes me so hateful. Mac is right I can't read with out taking it to reality. I love him but lately we have these fake squabbles. ever since those last weeks of summer I've had trouble cumin. It worries me and I miss those big orgasms I had with him. Sex still feels good. Except for the sometime painful thrusts which don't make any sense. I use to beg for that, it used to get me off. I don't know what's wrong with me. Luckily he's very good with his tongue, or else I'd feel terrible, and it would really be lying when he asks. He's such a good lover. What's wrong with me.
Luckily got into all the classes that I wanted. Had to drop creative writing though. The digital photography class is taught by me ex writing teachers husband. She's pregnant he introduces himself and adds "and another on the way". I think she could have done better. Love is strange though, and I understand. I almost loved an ugly virgin once. I love Mac but all the new glow (well maybe not all of it) has worn down. I remember all the small things that bother me. He really loves me though, and I'm still struck by that. He only wants to spend time with me, I wish that our friends hadn't all left (been kicked out). I'm not sick of all the alone time yet, but I'd like to go out to a party instead of watching another movie we've already seen. I wish he'd wake up. I'm hungry. I have half a mind to go upstairs and wake him. I guess I'll call him for the fourth time. Didn't fucking answer. I love him too much to wake him in this bitchy mood. Ugh maybe I'll try to lighten the mood.