I Swear I'm Not the Devil -- FMA Fic
Title: I Swear I’m Not the Devil
Rating: PG, maybe PG-13 for angst, dark themes and a smidge of swearing from Ed.
Word Count: 1136
Genre: Angst, pure and simple
Characters: Ed, Roy, Hawkeye; implied Hughes and Al
Pairings: None really, but there are a few that could be implied depending on the reader. It's like Where's Waldo?, only with lots more angst!
Spoilers: If you don't know about Hughes, then don't read this! Otherwise, nothing major.
Warnings: Umm...angst? And songfic weirdness. What can I say, I love a good songfic, since songs influence me a helluva lot. Thanks to for being my beta!
Notes: Inspired by the song Devil by Staind, this fic idea has been rolling around my head for months now. It only took me until now to finally write this! Uh, that's it I guess. Thanks to ebonykain for being my beta!
Summary: See notes above *points up* Also, involves Roy and Ed angsting to themselves and refusing to ask anyone, especially each other for help. And a smidge of Hawkeye being a bit angsty, but not really. *shrugs*
She sits alone again
And tries her best not to pretend
That all she used to live for
Was the love that wasn't there
And every time she needs to do the things
That she believes
Will fill the void inside of her
Because he was never there
Riza Hawkeye wasn’t the kind of woman who gave up easily. In fact, she made a point to never concede defeat. But some days, it was hard to just continue like nothing would ever change, that nothing had changed. No matter what, she was determined to always stand behind Roy and support him in his ambitions. She knew his past, and knew he had what it took to make a better future.
Some days, she wondered if all her work was for naught when she saw that expression on his face. That expression of self-hatred, quickly supressed before anyone else saw it. But she did; she knew how he blamed himself for so many deaths, for the pain, and for the manipulations he was forced to commit.
And she says, 'I swear I'm not the devil,
Though you think I am.
I swear I'm not the devil'
No matter how hard she had to push him, no matter how many times she had to threaten him to get his work done, she would never let him give up. So many had sacrificed their lives that he may achieve his dream. I’m sorry Roy, but I have to play this part so that you can succeed. You have to reach the top, change must happen!
He tries to sleep again
And wonders when the pain will end
The cuts, they may run deeper than his cracking outer shell
He looks with tired eyes
At all the people hypnotized
And wonders what can save him
From his self created hell.
Roy Mustang was tired. He had seen enough death and pain and sacrifice to last him a hundred lifetimes. He hated what he had become, hated the crimes he had committed, the people he had used. Without Maes there to drag him out of his self-imposed hell, Roy wondered what would become of him when it all became too much. He wondered how long until he reverted to the empty shell he had become after Ishbal. And if there would be someone to drag him back out.I’m sorry Maes, I couldn’t save you. Who will save me now?
He wiped a hand across his eyes, and with the other picked up the shot glass. It always came down to this, the fiery embrace of this damnable liquid. One day, his namesake flames would consume him. But he was determined that before that day came, he would be able to save his country from itself. I can’t give up yet, not with Bradley still in position as Fuhrer. I can’t let another Ishbal happen, I just can’t!
And he says, 'I swear I'm not the devil,
Though you think I am.
I swear I'm not the devil'
Despite his internal self-flagellation, Roy was not yet ready to cave in. No matter how Fullmetal railed against him, no matter the accusations levelled at him, he would succeed in changing the world. He refused to let more children die because of the insecurities of adults. I know you hate me Edward, but it’s for your own safety. I can’t let you see what I’ve seen, have to go through what I’ve gone through. I swear I’ll protect you and Alphonse!
I always fail to see the little things in front of me
The things that mean so much to you; a way to let you know.
That I appreciate the way you always tolerate
But sometimes when I medicate
Frustration in you shows me how you feel.
For all that Edward was supposed to be a prodigy, a genius, he often missed the little things that went on around him, and the small things people did for him. He never understood how to tell others how he felt, how much he appreciated the kindness bestowed upon him. He only knew how to fight, how to run headlong into immeasurable odds.
When he heard that Hughes had died because he had been helping Edward and Alphonse, he felt a part of him scream in loss. Not another one! I can’t lose another person! Edward would never admit it out loud, but he worried that the same thing would happen to Mustang.
Mustang, who always protected and defended Edward and his brother. The man who had given him hope, given him the means to restore his brother, a path to redemption. A chance a life again. No! The Bastard knows what he’s doing! It’s not my fault if he gets hurt! But he knew that wasn’t true, he knew that it was equivalent exchange to protect Mustang.
Sometimes though, Edward just felt like hiding. He didn’t want to see the world anymore, he didn’t want to see the form he had forced upon his little brother; but most of all, he didn’t want to see the disappointment on the Bastard’s face. And at those times, Edward was willing to do anything to escape, for just a moment.
But I swear I'm not the devil,
Though you think I am.
I swear I'm not the devil
And I scream,
I swear I'm not the devil.
Though you think I am.
I swear I'm not the devil.
Edward knew his sins could never be forgiven. There was no redemption for the damned. He knew his crimes, and knew the punishment that awaited him at the end of his road.
I’m sorry! I’m so fucking sorry Al, I never meant for this to happen! Please don’t hate me Al!
Edward had to bite back a sob. It was always on dark nights like this, when the moon was hidden behind storm clouds that covered the night in a chill rain. In the dark, it was hard to hide from his memories, from the nightmares that forever plagued him and left him shaking, trying to hide his tears from Alphonse.
I swear I’m not the devil.
Roy always had hated the rain. It reminded him of the night Hughes had come to his apartment, and shaken him out his depression. But Hughes wasn’t there to save him, and Hawkeye would never breach protocol enough to barge into his house. Roy looked out the window at the rain soaked streets. The lamps flickered fitfully in the wind blowing the leaves from the trees, leaving the world dark, desolate and cold.
And I scream,
I swear I’m not the devil.
They were both alike in their need for saving. If only they could see past the masks they both wore.
I swear I’m not the devil!
Rating: PG, maybe PG-13 for angst, dark themes and a smidge of swearing from Ed.
Word Count: 1136
Genre: Angst, pure and simple
Characters: Ed, Roy, Hawkeye; implied Hughes and Al
Pairings: None really, but there are a few that could be implied depending on the reader. It's like Where's Waldo?, only with lots more angst!
Spoilers: If you don't know about Hughes, then don't read this! Otherwise, nothing major.
Warnings: Umm...angst? And songfic weirdness. What can I say, I love a good songfic, since songs influence me a helluva lot. Thanks to for being my beta!
Notes: Inspired by the song Devil by Staind, this fic idea has been rolling around my head for months now. It only took me until now to finally write this! Uh, that's it I guess. Thanks to ebonykain for being my beta!
Summary: See notes above *points up* Also, involves Roy and Ed angsting to themselves and refusing to ask anyone, especially each other for help. And a smidge of Hawkeye being a bit angsty, but not really. *shrugs*
She sits alone again
And tries her best not to pretend
That all she used to live for
Was the love that wasn't there
And every time she needs to do the things
That she believes
Will fill the void inside of her
Because he was never there
Riza Hawkeye wasn’t the kind of woman who gave up easily. In fact, she made a point to never concede defeat. But some days, it was hard to just continue like nothing would ever change, that nothing had changed. No matter what, she was determined to always stand behind Roy and support him in his ambitions. She knew his past, and knew he had what it took to make a better future.
Some days, she wondered if all her work was for naught when she saw that expression on his face. That expression of self-hatred, quickly supressed before anyone else saw it. But she did; she knew how he blamed himself for so many deaths, for the pain, and for the manipulations he was forced to commit.
And she says, 'I swear I'm not the devil,
Though you think I am.
I swear I'm not the devil'
No matter how hard she had to push him, no matter how many times she had to threaten him to get his work done, she would never let him give up. So many had sacrificed their lives that he may achieve his dream. I’m sorry Roy, but I have to play this part so that you can succeed. You have to reach the top, change must happen!
He tries to sleep again
And wonders when the pain will end
The cuts, they may run deeper than his cracking outer shell
He looks with tired eyes
At all the people hypnotized
And wonders what can save him
From his self created hell.
Roy Mustang was tired. He had seen enough death and pain and sacrifice to last him a hundred lifetimes. He hated what he had become, hated the crimes he had committed, the people he had used. Without Maes there to drag him out of his self-imposed hell, Roy wondered what would become of him when it all became too much. He wondered how long until he reverted to the empty shell he had become after Ishbal. And if there would be someone to drag him back out.I’m sorry Maes, I couldn’t save you. Who will save me now?
He wiped a hand across his eyes, and with the other picked up the shot glass. It always came down to this, the fiery embrace of this damnable liquid. One day, his namesake flames would consume him. But he was determined that before that day came, he would be able to save his country from itself. I can’t give up yet, not with Bradley still in position as Fuhrer. I can’t let another Ishbal happen, I just can’t!
And he says, 'I swear I'm not the devil,
Though you think I am.
I swear I'm not the devil'
Despite his internal self-flagellation, Roy was not yet ready to cave in. No matter how Fullmetal railed against him, no matter the accusations levelled at him, he would succeed in changing the world. He refused to let more children die because of the insecurities of adults. I know you hate me Edward, but it’s for your own safety. I can’t let you see what I’ve seen, have to go through what I’ve gone through. I swear I’ll protect you and Alphonse!
I always fail to see the little things in front of me
The things that mean so much to you; a way to let you know.
That I appreciate the way you always tolerate
But sometimes when I medicate
Frustration in you shows me how you feel.
For all that Edward was supposed to be a prodigy, a genius, he often missed the little things that went on around him, and the small things people did for him. He never understood how to tell others how he felt, how much he appreciated the kindness bestowed upon him. He only knew how to fight, how to run headlong into immeasurable odds.
When he heard that Hughes had died because he had been helping Edward and Alphonse, he felt a part of him scream in loss. Not another one! I can’t lose another person! Edward would never admit it out loud, but he worried that the same thing would happen to Mustang.
Mustang, who always protected and defended Edward and his brother. The man who had given him hope, given him the means to restore his brother, a path to redemption. A chance a life again. No! The Bastard knows what he’s doing! It’s not my fault if he gets hurt! But he knew that wasn’t true, he knew that it was equivalent exchange to protect Mustang.
Sometimes though, Edward just felt like hiding. He didn’t want to see the world anymore, he didn’t want to see the form he had forced upon his little brother; but most of all, he didn’t want to see the disappointment on the Bastard’s face. And at those times, Edward was willing to do anything to escape, for just a moment.
But I swear I'm not the devil,
Though you think I am.
I swear I'm not the devil
And I scream,
I swear I'm not the devil.
Though you think I am.
I swear I'm not the devil.
Edward knew his sins could never be forgiven. There was no redemption for the damned. He knew his crimes, and knew the punishment that awaited him at the end of his road.
I’m sorry! I’m so fucking sorry Al, I never meant for this to happen! Please don’t hate me Al!
Edward had to bite back a sob. It was always on dark nights like this, when the moon was hidden behind storm clouds that covered the night in a chill rain. In the dark, it was hard to hide from his memories, from the nightmares that forever plagued him and left him shaking, trying to hide his tears from Alphonse.
I swear I’m not the devil.
Roy always had hated the rain. It reminded him of the night Hughes had come to his apartment, and shaken him out his depression. But Hughes wasn’t there to save him, and Hawkeye would never breach protocol enough to barge into his house. Roy looked out the window at the rain soaked streets. The lamps flickered fitfully in the wind blowing the leaves from the trees, leaving the world dark, desolate and cold.
And I scream,
I swear I’m not the devil.
They were both alike in their need for saving. If only they could see past the masks they both wore.
I swear I’m not the devil!