oy vey
first off, okinawa tomorrow! that should be good. however, for some reason, my host parents are agianst me taking my computer with me. why, 1. beacuse there is no internet at the hotel. k. whatever, you can do more than internet with a computer. like games and loud music to dance to. 2. because it's "heavy". for those of you who don't know about the new toshibas, they weigh about 4 pounds. also for those of you who don't know... i'm a freaking thrower. 3. they think that i won't go out if i have it with me. how often do i refuse a nice night of karaoke?? never. that's how often.
but, to make them not worry about anything, i'll leave my computer at home.
but back to the moi dix mois live (yes, i'm still on that, and you'll find out why in a sec).
touching mana was in a way, not a life changing, but a life redirecting experience. it was like that event sparked a premature midlife crisis, which quite frankly, i'm glad to be having before i'm 40.
it just sucks, becuase it seems like i have 2 choices.
1. follow my dreams. come back to japan, go to fashion school, and work my way up the ladder until i can start my own company. also, start composing seriously, get together a bunch of people to make a band, and try to get produced.
2. make money. live a stable life. maybe try to do fashion on the side.
the 3rd choice seems to be the least likely to have the fashion thing work. i want to devote myself fully to my arts. but devoting myself fully might mean being homeless. why can't what i love be more practical?? i don't want to keep putting off my dreams, but in order to afford fashion school i'm going to have to. and then i remembered that i really wanted to go to fashion school before i graduated highschool, but i wanted to study japanese more. now i'm studying. i've studied. i need to go to a bekka for like a semester or two before i can actually attend school in japan. i know this. so where to go from here.
should i come back and do the government form of jet, rather than the teacher form of jet, so that in the process of making my japanese better, i can make money to go to fashion school? should i come here and work with a company and then go back to school and get a masters in japanese? and what of music? i could do a band while working... and if we make it big, i can just launch my own brand. but this all sounds like the crazy talk of someone who's going to be a nothing.
but i bet mana thought that too. and look at where he is now.
i always tell myself to aim for the starts, and if you miss, at least you've touched the sky. but i feel like if i aim for the stars, i'll miss the sky too and be a plummeting comet.
but then again, i remember back in high school when i was in odium, and i had a few devoted fans that were adults, not screaming ,easily manipulated high school girls... and i guess in a way, it feels possible for me to form a fanbase here... i have a small following at my field placement already....
i don't know man.... i just don't know.
but writing it out helps. means i can sleep becuase as i write i think. and i think i might try for the jet and try to start a band on the side. put out some adds in the newspaper?
speaking of which, i need to tutor some people and make some money.
anyway, okinawa bright and early, so i gotta run. oyasumi!
but, to make them not worry about anything, i'll leave my computer at home.
but back to the moi dix mois live (yes, i'm still on that, and you'll find out why in a sec).
touching mana was in a way, not a life changing, but a life redirecting experience. it was like that event sparked a premature midlife crisis, which quite frankly, i'm glad to be having before i'm 40.
it just sucks, becuase it seems like i have 2 choices.
1. follow my dreams. come back to japan, go to fashion school, and work my way up the ladder until i can start my own company. also, start composing seriously, get together a bunch of people to make a band, and try to get produced.
2. make money. live a stable life. maybe try to do fashion on the side.
the 3rd choice seems to be the least likely to have the fashion thing work. i want to devote myself fully to my arts. but devoting myself fully might mean being homeless. why can't what i love be more practical?? i don't want to keep putting off my dreams, but in order to afford fashion school i'm going to have to. and then i remembered that i really wanted to go to fashion school before i graduated highschool, but i wanted to study japanese more. now i'm studying. i've studied. i need to go to a bekka for like a semester or two before i can actually attend school in japan. i know this. so where to go from here.
should i come back and do the government form of jet, rather than the teacher form of jet, so that in the process of making my japanese better, i can make money to go to fashion school? should i come here and work with a company and then go back to school and get a masters in japanese? and what of music? i could do a band while working... and if we make it big, i can just launch my own brand. but this all sounds like the crazy talk of someone who's going to be a nothing.
but i bet mana thought that too. and look at where he is now.
i always tell myself to aim for the starts, and if you miss, at least you've touched the sky. but i feel like if i aim for the stars, i'll miss the sky too and be a plummeting comet.
but then again, i remember back in high school when i was in odium, and i had a few devoted fans that were adults, not screaming ,easily manipulated high school girls... and i guess in a way, it feels possible for me to form a fanbase here... i have a small following at my field placement already....
i don't know man.... i just don't know.
but writing it out helps. means i can sleep becuase as i write i think. and i think i might try for the jet and try to start a band on the side. put out some adds in the newspaper?
speaking of which, i need to tutor some people and make some money.
anyway, okinawa bright and early, so i gotta run. oyasumi!