Bonne Foi again
Updating now because I'll be gone for a good 10 days.
Title: Bonne Foi
Author: cinnamon_kisses
Category: Drama, Romance
Rating: NC-17
Summary: AU. Edward Masen was changed in 1918 and abandoned by his sire. He feeds on human blood, unaware of any other way…until he stumbles across college freshman Bella Swan for a night that will change everything.
Disclaimer: A writer is like a goddess in her universe…but only one writer is making the money off Twilight, and that’s Stephenie Meyer. These are her characters, and I’m just having fun with them.
A/N: I’ll be traveling until the 20th, so don’t expect another update until, say, the 22nd or so.
Chapter Three
I’d never realized just how much time humans spent sleeping - or rather, I’d never had to experience it firsthand. And I was trapped here, under Bella’s sleeping form, unable to sneak away because I’d promised to stay.
But it was becoming increasingly clear to me that if I wanted to continue these sexual exchanges with Bella, I would have to pretend to forge a relationship with the girl. No woman in her right mind would continue sleeping with a man indefinitely if he didn’t appear to want anything more than sex - unless, of course, the woman wanted nothing more than sex, either, but that clearly wasn’t Bella. I could see that already.
And so it seemed I would have to play along with the human charade. She would want to know more about me, and it would serve my purposes well to know more about her. I would have to let her see me living a human life if I was to avoid suspicion. That would mean attending classes, taking her on dates, showing her my place…observing all the human rites of courtship. Well, that could be done. It might even be an entertaining challenge.
That is, if I didn’t die of boredom while she slept. I would have to find some way to make this more bearable.
After about fifteen minutes, she started to shiver. I covered her with the blanket on the end of the bed, lest she wake and comment on why she was freezing. She must have noticed my coldness, but she had yet to question it, so I wasn’t about to bring up the issue.
Come to think of it, Bella hadn’t brought up a lot of things that she should have had questions about. Like my black eyes. Or that we had yet to use a condom. Maybe she was on birth control? But still, she must worry about STDs. She couldn’t be that naïve, could she? Schools had had sex-ed programs for years now. She ought to know better.
Thirty minutes. I studied the cracks in the ceiling. Dormitories were such shitholes. It was a wonder they could sustain human life at all. Would roaches even live here?
“Edward…”
I looked down to the sleeping human, hoping to find her stirring, but her eyes remained closed.
“Stop running from me,” she said, clear as a bell. I chuckled. So Bella was a sleep-talker, then. That could be fun. What was she dreaming that included me running, I wondered? And furthermore, what on earth was wrong with her instincts that her subconscious didn’t tell her she should be the one running?
“We’ll get a cat…”
I snorted. I wasn’t sure I wanted to know what went on in her head.
The talking stopped, and it was another long hour before she finally woke, blinking confusedly. Her eyes turned up to my face and she blushed.
“Sorry for passing out on you like that,” she said, playing with the end of the blanket.
“That’s all right,” I lied, watching her fidget.
“I was more tired than I thought,” she went on. “I - I don’t get much sleep during the week.”
“Well, it’s good that it’s the weekend, then,” I said, wondering what was making her so nervous.
“Right.” There was a long pause. “Should I…should I put some clothes on?”
I chuckled at her innocence. “Only if you want to. I quite like you without them.”
Her cheeks reddened, making my thirsty throat burn, and she tentatively met my eyes, looking up through her dark lashes. “I just don’t really know what to do with myself now. I mean…what do people usually do after…?”
“I’m no expert,” I said with a shrug. I could think of a few things to do, but asking her for sex again seemed in bad taste, and biting her now would definitely be defeating the purpose. “Have a cigarette? Cuddle? Run screaming? I suppose it all depends on the situation.”
“Oh.” She clutched the blanket to her chest. “Well…what does our situation call for?”
“Why don’t we just talk?” I suggested, placing one arm behind my head. The other was stuck underneath Bella.
“Okay,” she agreed, settling back down to rest against my side. I enjoyed having the warmth of her body there. “Why don’t you tell me more about you?”
“What would you like to know?” I asked, wary of giving more information than I had to.
She bit her lip. “Umm…well, you said your parents died when you were young. What happened?”
What ought I to tell her? I couldn’t very well say they’d died of Spanish influenza…
“They died of…a rare disease. My father caught it first, then my mother from him. It all happened very fast.”
“That’s horrible,” she said - not so much with pity, but with feeling. “What happened to you then?”
“I…lived with an aunt and uncle,” I fabricated. It would be hard for her to ever disprove that, should she look too deeply into my past. “They raised me, essentially, until I came to college.”
“You’re not close to them, though, are you?” she asked, seeming to catch on to some ring of discord in my story. Perceptive girl. “That’s why you came halfway across the country, isn’t it?”
“No, I’m not close to them. I guess you could say I…grew up fast. Sometimes it feels as though I was never a child at all,” I said, and that was as close to the truth as I could ever give her. It seemed to satisfy her.
“I feel the same way. But I already told you about that, didn’t I?”
“A bit. But tell me more about your childhood. You said your mother was more like the child. How so?”
Bella laughed to herself. “Well, she has the attention span of a toddler, for one thing. She’s always on to the next project - yoga, pottery classes, knitting, synchronized swimming. You name it, and she’s done it. But she can’t stick with anything. I generally got dragged into whatever phase she was in, too. Anything I would have chosen to keep doing was out the window within a week or two.”
“You could do those things now,” I suggested at her unhappy frown.
Bella snorted. “Like I would have the time! Besides, some things you just can’t make up for, you know?”
“Well, what would you have done, if you’d had your choice?”
She thought about it for a moment. “Piano. I took lessons for about a month. At the time, I wanted to quit because I was rubbish at it, but now I wish I’d learned properly. I’d love to be able to make music all by myself.”
“I could teach you some,” I found myself offering, unthinking. Maybe because it was something easy I could do with her. Maybe because I knew exactly how she felt.
“You play?” she asked, surprised.
“I wasn’t allowed to quit,” I smirked. I had a vague, barely-there memory of begging my mother to let me stop playing - I was more interested in sports by that time - but she’d told me that, if nothing else, playing piano would help me impress girls. It looked like she was finally being proven right.
“That would be wonderful. But I’ll never be very good, will I? I mean, that’s something you have to work on for years…”
I shrugged. “That’s all up to you. Depends on how much time you’re willing to put into it, I guess.”
“Hmm… Can I hear you play sometime?”
“Of course.”
Bella was quiet then, and I left her to her thoughts as I retreated into my own. It was strange, how much I could find to relate to in this frail little creature. Perhaps that was why she was easier to be around than other humans…
“Do you think this is odd?” she finally said, propping herself up on one elbow. A flash of breast peeked out from under the blanket.
“Do I think what is odd?” I asked, distracted by that bit of skin.
“This. Us. I mean, we’ve been together twice in one week and we barely know each other…but it doesn’t feel wrong, either.”
“I think if it doesn’t feel wrong, it’s probably right,” I replied. “Maybe it’s not conventional, but what does that matter?”
Bella bit her lip. I wanted to bite it for her. “I just know my dad would kill me if he knew. Well, actually, he’d probably kill you first.”
“What he doesn’t know won’t hurt him. Or us, for that matter,” I smirked. The threat of an angry father didn’t particularly unnerve me. There wasn’t much he could do about me.
She laughed. “Yeah. And it’s not like I’m going to get knocked up or anything, so I guess he’ll never find out.”
I raised an eyebrow, wondering why she thought she was immune from pregnancy. She should be, with me, but she had no way of knowing that. “Are you on the pill, then?”
Her eyebrow went up to challenge mine. “Bit late to be asking that, isn’t it? But no, I can’t ever get pregnant.”
“Why is that?” I asked. Bella pressed her face into my chest, as if she could hide there, and settled back into the crook of my arm.
“There was an accident, about a week after I moved to Washington. It was icy, the last big frost of the year, and I was standing by my truck in the school parking lot when Tyler Crowley lost control of his van and ran straight into my struck, with me in the middle.”
“It’s a wonder you survived,” I said, amazed. How had she overcome such trauma?
“So I hear,” she said dryly, emotionless. “As it was, the bulk of the damage was to my pelvis - I was caught against my truck’s bumper. My uterus was so damaged by all the splintered bone that they had to remove it. So that’s that.”
I wondered at the girl in my arms, knowing now what had caused the scar beneath her navel that I’d disregarded before.
“I’m sorry,” I said, supposing that was the right thing to say. “It must be something difficult to cope with.”
She shrugged. “I’ve never been all that maternal; I mean, I never saw myself with kids or anything. Mostly, I’m just glad I’ve survived to the ripe old age of 19. It kind of feels like my number’s been up for awhile, and one of these days it won’t be another near-miss.”
I didn’t know what to say to that, other than that she was probably right. I must have been quiet for too long, because she turned her head away, flushing. “I’m sorry. I freaked you out, didn’t I? You must think I’m crazy.”
“No. No, I don’t think you’re crazy.” I thought she was the most unusual human I’d ever met, with instincts that led her places they shouldn’t and a bizarre awareness of herself that people tended to lack…but crazy? No, her mind was as solid - and as impenetrable - as a rock. And she was strong, strong enough to humble me just that little bit.
“Does it still hurt you?” I asked, curious. She’d never shown any sign of pain with me, but it seemed impossible that a body could heal from so much damage.
“Does what still hurt?”
“Your…injury.”
“Oh. No, not really. There are aches sometimes, but nothing really painful.”
Again, there was silence. I didn’t know how to behave in such a moment.
“Do you…see me differently now?” she asked uncertainly. I quirked an eyebrow.
“Should I?”
She shrugged uncomfortably. “Sometimes when people find out, it’s like…I’m less of a person to them, or less of a woman. They give me this look of pity, like I’ve got some deadly, incurable disease, like my life is already over. And I hate that, because my life isn’t over. Maybe I can’t have a certain kind of life, but I’ve accepted that, and I don’t want anyone’s pity.”
The vehemence of her words surprised me. I didn’t know she had it in her. “Did I give you that look you were talking about?” I wondered aloud.
“No,” she said, glancing at me out the corner of her eye. “But I thought I’d better ask what you were thinking, just in case.”
“I think,” I said carefully, “That you are a beautiful young woman who could have anything she wanted.”
And she could, with that amount of spirit in her. So what was it she saw that made her want me? Did she sense, somehow, that I had been robbed of a typical life as well? Because we were kindred in that way. I knew what it was to wake up and find the world changed, just as she did.
“Thank you, Edward,” she said softly, a blush on her cheeks again.
“For what?”
“I don’t know. For being different, I guess.” She stretched her body upwards and gave me a kiss that tingled oddly on my lips.
“Well…you’re welcome,” I said, at a loss for words.
Her answering smile was bright, as were her eyes. “So…the night is still young…sort of. What do you want to do?”
“Would you like me to answer honestly?” I asked, even as I traced my index finger around one pert nipple. Her eyelids lowered and she gasped. I knew what her answer would be when she rubbed her thighs together.
“I always prefer honesty,” she said breathlessly.
“Good to know,” I said before rolling her onto her back. “Then honestly? All I want to do is you.”
She shivered, and then she shocked me by wrapping her hot little hand around my cock. “What’s stopping you?”
I covered her cheeky mouth with my own. I’d make sure she was speechless before the night was done.
~
Bella fell asleep again, and this time she didn’t wake up after a few hours. When she was in a deep enough sleep, I extracted myself from her and turned out the lights. She seemed cold, so I carefully placed her under the covers, hoping that would keep her asleep. And then I proceeded to snoop around her room.
Her section of the closet and dressers - the ones that smelled of her - were threadbare. There were maybe fifteen shirts in her closet. Her drawers contained three pairs of jeans and a smattering of socks, cotton underwear, T-shirts and sweatpants. Three out of the five drawers were completely empty.
From the looks of things, she had more books than clothes. Jane Austen and the Brontes were the most worn, and I guessed those were her favorites. There were a few anthologies, for classes I supposed, and a few collections of poetry. Four titles in Spanish. She must be proficient, then. And a few series of fantasy books that I doubted were part of her coursework.
Her algebra homework sat unfinished on her desk, a mess of eraser marks and scribbles. Her computer was turned off, an ancient, clunky sort of machine. Her textbooks were piled neatly on one corner of the desk. There were no pictures or knickknacks anywhere. On her bedside table were an alarm clock and a CD player. I found her CD collection in the top drawer - a mishmash of styles, from Linkin Park to Chopin’s Nocturnes. It looked like a miniature version of my CD collection. I smiled to myself. At least I’d found a human with some taste.
Beyond that, she didn’t seem to have many possessions. Would gifts please her, I wondered? If she had so little, it might help to win her over if I gave her things…but then, I recalled her earlier insistence that she wanted no one’s pity, and I thought perhaps gifts would insult her sense of independence. I would have to test her with small things first.
Bella began to mumble in her sleep, and I got back into the bed with her, afraid she would wake and find me searching her room. She merely curled into me, wrapping an arm around my torso as she shifted back into a deep slumber. I closed my eyes and cleared my mind, seeking the closest thing to sleep I could get.
~
In the morning I pretended to sleep while Bella scrambled around the room and then scurried into the bathroom between her room and the next, wrapped in the blanket I’d covered her with the night before. I heard her start the shower and decided it was as good a time as any to put my clothes on. I waited impatiently for her to come out, knowing it would be considered rude to leave without saying anything to her.
I listened to her washing in the shower, visualizing the soap running over her body and wondering whether she would mind me joining her. Eventually, though, the water turned off and I heard the rustle of her towel as she dried off. Then there was the scrubbing of a toothbrush at the same time that a hair dryer turned on. At least she was a multi-tasker.
Bella finally stepped out of the bathroom, freshly dressed in jeans and a light blouse with her hair falling neatly down her back.
“Good morning,” she said, blushing. “I - um - did you want to shower or something?”
I shrugged. “It can wait until I get back to my place.”
“All right.” She wrung her hands together. “Um…are you hungry? I usually go get breakfast about now…”
“I don’t eat breakfast, but I’ll come with you,” I said, rising from the bed. “Do you usually eat in the dining hall?”
“Yeah,” she blushed again. “I mean, you don’t have to come if you don’t want to. I just thought - “
“I want to come,” I said, more to end her nervous fidgeting than anything. “Lead the way.”
I waited for her to grab her purse and keys and lock the door. Then we began the short walk from the dormitory to the cafeteria. She was quiet, shooting glances my way when she thought I couldn’t see.
“Can’t be very fun, getting up early every Saturday just to get breakfast,” I commented.
She shrugged, eyes on the sidewalk. “You get used to it. Besides, I’ve never had the luxury of sleeping in.”
“Because of work?” I guessed. She smiled ruefully.
“Work, homework, you name it. Today I need to go job-hunting.”
“I can’t imagine that’s a very pleasant task.”
“No, it isn’t,” she said as we reached the cafeteria building. I held the door open for her, bracing myself against the onslaught of food scents - there was really nothing more nauseating.
I followed Bella through the line, watching her pick out an assortment of things and place them on her tray - fruit, cereal, yogurt, a muffin, orange juice. None of it seemed at all appetizing to me.
The place was mostly empty, but Bella went to a table in a back corner. I sat across from her, watching her take her spoon and start mashing the cereal down into the milk. Human habits were so odd.
“Where were you going to look for a job?” I asked her.
“Just here in town,” she said. “Within walking distance, if I can manage it. My truck’s on its last legs.”
“You drive a truck?” I chuckled, trying to imagine her in such a large vehicle. I’d been picturing her in something safe, conventional. A Volvo, maybe. But then, she’d mentioned a truck last night, hadn’t she? Was it the same one, still? Had it possibly survived the accident?
She glared. “What’s wrong with driving a truck?”
“Nothing,” I said, putting my hands up in surrender. Touchy subject, then. “It was just unexpected. Would you like me to have a look at it for you? I’m no expert, but I’ve done a fair bit of automotive work over the years.”
“Oh, that’s all right,” she said with a dismissive wave of her hand. “I’ll just have Jake look at it the next time I’m home.”
Jake? I frowned, wondering who this heretofore unmentioned male was. She was an only child, and I didn’t think she had a lot of cousins running about. She’d said she never had any boyfriends, but had she been hiding something? I had no way of knowing, did I?
“Do you not trust me with your truck?” I asked, suddenly wanting very much to keep her away from this Jake.
“No! It’s just, you’ve offered to do so much for me already. It doesn’t seem fair.” She looked back to her cereal, avoiding my eyes. “It’s no big deal. Jake’s the one that rebuilt the engine originally; he can take care of it.”
“Who is this Jake?” I finally asked, unable to contain it any longer. I’d never considered that I’d have a rival for Bella’s affections. The thought was unacceptable. She was mine.
“He’s a family friend,” Bella said, frowning at me. “My dad’s best friend’s son. My dad bought it off them when I moved to Forks. Edward, you’re not…you’re not jealous, are you?”
I shrugged. Was I jealous? Yes, I suppose I was. But the way she said it made it sound so…human. It wasn’t like I needed her to love me, I reasoned. I just needed to know nobody else would touch her.
“He’s only a friend. Almost like a brother,” she told me, eyeing me speculatively. “I wasn’t expecting you to be the jealous type.”
“I wasn’t either,” I murmured, looking away. One of the cafeteria workers was staring at us - or at me, rather. I turned back to Bella, finding her eyes firmly on me.
“I’m sorry, Edward,” she said gently. “I didn’t mean to make you feel bad about it. I just…have a hard time believing someone like you could be jealous over someone like me. That never even occurred to me. But I promise, you have nothing to be jealous about.”
I forced a smile. “Yes, well, you’ll have to forgive me, too. I’ve never been in this situation before.”
“Never?” she questioned, struggling to open her yogurt. “But…you have been with other women.”
“I have,” I confirmed. “But I’ve never found myself in a…relationship before.”
Bella bit her lip. “Is that what this is?”
“Do you object to the term?” I asked, struggling to read her.
“No, no. I just don’t know where this is going. I feel like you’re always a second away from disappearing forever…”
I shook my head. “I’ll be around, Bella.”
“What are we then?”
I contemplated the apple she was eating. The fruit looked better between her lips.
“I suppose the terms ‘boyfriend’ and ‘girlfriend’ work as well as anything else, unless you have something in mind.”
“No, that works,” she said with a blush. “I’m - uh - I’m done, if you want to leave.”
“Very well,” I said, following her again as she picked up her tray and took it to the conveyor belt that sent it back to the washers.
“Would you like a ride for your job-hunting?” I asked her as we left. After our discussion about her friend Jake, I felt reluctant to let her out of my sight. How many males out there would be more than willing to steal her away from me?
“I…um…” she bit her lip, uncertain. “If it’s not an inconvenience to you, that would be great.”
“It’s no inconvenience at all,” I said, steering her with a hand on her back in the direction of my car. “I don’t have any plans for the day.”
“Okay,” she agreed with a small smile. “Thank you.”
I shrugged. “My pleasure.”
Title: Bonne Foi
Author: cinnamon_kisses
Category: Drama, Romance
Rating: NC-17
Summary: AU. Edward Masen was changed in 1918 and abandoned by his sire. He feeds on human blood, unaware of any other way…until he stumbles across college freshman Bella Swan for a night that will change everything.
Disclaimer: A writer is like a goddess in her universe…but only one writer is making the money off Twilight, and that’s Stephenie Meyer. These are her characters, and I’m just having fun with them.
A/N: I’ll be traveling until the 20th, so don’t expect another update until, say, the 22nd or so.
Chapter Three
I’d never realized just how much time humans spent sleeping - or rather, I’d never had to experience it firsthand. And I was trapped here, under Bella’s sleeping form, unable to sneak away because I’d promised to stay.
But it was becoming increasingly clear to me that if I wanted to continue these sexual exchanges with Bella, I would have to pretend to forge a relationship with the girl. No woman in her right mind would continue sleeping with a man indefinitely if he didn’t appear to want anything more than sex - unless, of course, the woman wanted nothing more than sex, either, but that clearly wasn’t Bella. I could see that already.
And so it seemed I would have to play along with the human charade. She would want to know more about me, and it would serve my purposes well to know more about her. I would have to let her see me living a human life if I was to avoid suspicion. That would mean attending classes, taking her on dates, showing her my place…observing all the human rites of courtship. Well, that could be done. It might even be an entertaining challenge.
That is, if I didn’t die of boredom while she slept. I would have to find some way to make this more bearable.
After about fifteen minutes, she started to shiver. I covered her with the blanket on the end of the bed, lest she wake and comment on why she was freezing. She must have noticed my coldness, but she had yet to question it, so I wasn’t about to bring up the issue.
Come to think of it, Bella hadn’t brought up a lot of things that she should have had questions about. Like my black eyes. Or that we had yet to use a condom. Maybe she was on birth control? But still, she must worry about STDs. She couldn’t be that naïve, could she? Schools had had sex-ed programs for years now. She ought to know better.
Thirty minutes. I studied the cracks in the ceiling. Dormitories were such shitholes. It was a wonder they could sustain human life at all. Would roaches even live here?
“Edward…”
I looked down to the sleeping human, hoping to find her stirring, but her eyes remained closed.
“Stop running from me,” she said, clear as a bell. I chuckled. So Bella was a sleep-talker, then. That could be fun. What was she dreaming that included me running, I wondered? And furthermore, what on earth was wrong with her instincts that her subconscious didn’t tell her she should be the one running?
“We’ll get a cat…”
I snorted. I wasn’t sure I wanted to know what went on in her head.
The talking stopped, and it was another long hour before she finally woke, blinking confusedly. Her eyes turned up to my face and she blushed.
“Sorry for passing out on you like that,” she said, playing with the end of the blanket.
“That’s all right,” I lied, watching her fidget.
“I was more tired than I thought,” she went on. “I - I don’t get much sleep during the week.”
“Well, it’s good that it’s the weekend, then,” I said, wondering what was making her so nervous.
“Right.” There was a long pause. “Should I…should I put some clothes on?”
I chuckled at her innocence. “Only if you want to. I quite like you without them.”
Her cheeks reddened, making my thirsty throat burn, and she tentatively met my eyes, looking up through her dark lashes. “I just don’t really know what to do with myself now. I mean…what do people usually do after…?”
“I’m no expert,” I said with a shrug. I could think of a few things to do, but asking her for sex again seemed in bad taste, and biting her now would definitely be defeating the purpose. “Have a cigarette? Cuddle? Run screaming? I suppose it all depends on the situation.”
“Oh.” She clutched the blanket to her chest. “Well…what does our situation call for?”
“Why don’t we just talk?” I suggested, placing one arm behind my head. The other was stuck underneath Bella.
“Okay,” she agreed, settling back down to rest against my side. I enjoyed having the warmth of her body there. “Why don’t you tell me more about you?”
“What would you like to know?” I asked, wary of giving more information than I had to.
She bit her lip. “Umm…well, you said your parents died when you were young. What happened?”
What ought I to tell her? I couldn’t very well say they’d died of Spanish influenza…
“They died of…a rare disease. My father caught it first, then my mother from him. It all happened very fast.”
“That’s horrible,” she said - not so much with pity, but with feeling. “What happened to you then?”
“I…lived with an aunt and uncle,” I fabricated. It would be hard for her to ever disprove that, should she look too deeply into my past. “They raised me, essentially, until I came to college.”
“You’re not close to them, though, are you?” she asked, seeming to catch on to some ring of discord in my story. Perceptive girl. “That’s why you came halfway across the country, isn’t it?”
“No, I’m not close to them. I guess you could say I…grew up fast. Sometimes it feels as though I was never a child at all,” I said, and that was as close to the truth as I could ever give her. It seemed to satisfy her.
“I feel the same way. But I already told you about that, didn’t I?”
“A bit. But tell me more about your childhood. You said your mother was more like the child. How so?”
Bella laughed to herself. “Well, she has the attention span of a toddler, for one thing. She’s always on to the next project - yoga, pottery classes, knitting, synchronized swimming. You name it, and she’s done it. But she can’t stick with anything. I generally got dragged into whatever phase she was in, too. Anything I would have chosen to keep doing was out the window within a week or two.”
“You could do those things now,” I suggested at her unhappy frown.
Bella snorted. “Like I would have the time! Besides, some things you just can’t make up for, you know?”
“Well, what would you have done, if you’d had your choice?”
She thought about it for a moment. “Piano. I took lessons for about a month. At the time, I wanted to quit because I was rubbish at it, but now I wish I’d learned properly. I’d love to be able to make music all by myself.”
“I could teach you some,” I found myself offering, unthinking. Maybe because it was something easy I could do with her. Maybe because I knew exactly how she felt.
“You play?” she asked, surprised.
“I wasn’t allowed to quit,” I smirked. I had a vague, barely-there memory of begging my mother to let me stop playing - I was more interested in sports by that time - but she’d told me that, if nothing else, playing piano would help me impress girls. It looked like she was finally being proven right.
“That would be wonderful. But I’ll never be very good, will I? I mean, that’s something you have to work on for years…”
I shrugged. “That’s all up to you. Depends on how much time you’re willing to put into it, I guess.”
“Hmm… Can I hear you play sometime?”
“Of course.”
Bella was quiet then, and I left her to her thoughts as I retreated into my own. It was strange, how much I could find to relate to in this frail little creature. Perhaps that was why she was easier to be around than other humans…
“Do you think this is odd?” she finally said, propping herself up on one elbow. A flash of breast peeked out from under the blanket.
“Do I think what is odd?” I asked, distracted by that bit of skin.
“This. Us. I mean, we’ve been together twice in one week and we barely know each other…but it doesn’t feel wrong, either.”
“I think if it doesn’t feel wrong, it’s probably right,” I replied. “Maybe it’s not conventional, but what does that matter?”
Bella bit her lip. I wanted to bite it for her. “I just know my dad would kill me if he knew. Well, actually, he’d probably kill you first.”
“What he doesn’t know won’t hurt him. Or us, for that matter,” I smirked. The threat of an angry father didn’t particularly unnerve me. There wasn’t much he could do about me.
She laughed. “Yeah. And it’s not like I’m going to get knocked up or anything, so I guess he’ll never find out.”
I raised an eyebrow, wondering why she thought she was immune from pregnancy. She should be, with me, but she had no way of knowing that. “Are you on the pill, then?”
Her eyebrow went up to challenge mine. “Bit late to be asking that, isn’t it? But no, I can’t ever get pregnant.”
“Why is that?” I asked. Bella pressed her face into my chest, as if she could hide there, and settled back into the crook of my arm.
“There was an accident, about a week after I moved to Washington. It was icy, the last big frost of the year, and I was standing by my truck in the school parking lot when Tyler Crowley lost control of his van and ran straight into my struck, with me in the middle.”
“It’s a wonder you survived,” I said, amazed. How had she overcome such trauma?
“So I hear,” she said dryly, emotionless. “As it was, the bulk of the damage was to my pelvis - I was caught against my truck’s bumper. My uterus was so damaged by all the splintered bone that they had to remove it. So that’s that.”
I wondered at the girl in my arms, knowing now what had caused the scar beneath her navel that I’d disregarded before.
“I’m sorry,” I said, supposing that was the right thing to say. “It must be something difficult to cope with.”
She shrugged. “I’ve never been all that maternal; I mean, I never saw myself with kids or anything. Mostly, I’m just glad I’ve survived to the ripe old age of 19. It kind of feels like my number’s been up for awhile, and one of these days it won’t be another near-miss.”
I didn’t know what to say to that, other than that she was probably right. I must have been quiet for too long, because she turned her head away, flushing. “I’m sorry. I freaked you out, didn’t I? You must think I’m crazy.”
“No. No, I don’t think you’re crazy.” I thought she was the most unusual human I’d ever met, with instincts that led her places they shouldn’t and a bizarre awareness of herself that people tended to lack…but crazy? No, her mind was as solid - and as impenetrable - as a rock. And she was strong, strong enough to humble me just that little bit.
“Does it still hurt you?” I asked, curious. She’d never shown any sign of pain with me, but it seemed impossible that a body could heal from so much damage.
“Does what still hurt?”
“Your…injury.”
“Oh. No, not really. There are aches sometimes, but nothing really painful.”
Again, there was silence. I didn’t know how to behave in such a moment.
“Do you…see me differently now?” she asked uncertainly. I quirked an eyebrow.
“Should I?”
She shrugged uncomfortably. “Sometimes when people find out, it’s like…I’m less of a person to them, or less of a woman. They give me this look of pity, like I’ve got some deadly, incurable disease, like my life is already over. And I hate that, because my life isn’t over. Maybe I can’t have a certain kind of life, but I’ve accepted that, and I don’t want anyone’s pity.”
The vehemence of her words surprised me. I didn’t know she had it in her. “Did I give you that look you were talking about?” I wondered aloud.
“No,” she said, glancing at me out the corner of her eye. “But I thought I’d better ask what you were thinking, just in case.”
“I think,” I said carefully, “That you are a beautiful young woman who could have anything she wanted.”
And she could, with that amount of spirit in her. So what was it she saw that made her want me? Did she sense, somehow, that I had been robbed of a typical life as well? Because we were kindred in that way. I knew what it was to wake up and find the world changed, just as she did.
“Thank you, Edward,” she said softly, a blush on her cheeks again.
“For what?”
“I don’t know. For being different, I guess.” She stretched her body upwards and gave me a kiss that tingled oddly on my lips.
“Well…you’re welcome,” I said, at a loss for words.
Her answering smile was bright, as were her eyes. “So…the night is still young…sort of. What do you want to do?”
“Would you like me to answer honestly?” I asked, even as I traced my index finger around one pert nipple. Her eyelids lowered and she gasped. I knew what her answer would be when she rubbed her thighs together.
“I always prefer honesty,” she said breathlessly.
“Good to know,” I said before rolling her onto her back. “Then honestly? All I want to do is you.”
She shivered, and then she shocked me by wrapping her hot little hand around my cock. “What’s stopping you?”
I covered her cheeky mouth with my own. I’d make sure she was speechless before the night was done.
~
Bella fell asleep again, and this time she didn’t wake up after a few hours. When she was in a deep enough sleep, I extracted myself from her and turned out the lights. She seemed cold, so I carefully placed her under the covers, hoping that would keep her asleep. And then I proceeded to snoop around her room.
Her section of the closet and dressers - the ones that smelled of her - were threadbare. There were maybe fifteen shirts in her closet. Her drawers contained three pairs of jeans and a smattering of socks, cotton underwear, T-shirts and sweatpants. Three out of the five drawers were completely empty.
From the looks of things, she had more books than clothes. Jane Austen and the Brontes were the most worn, and I guessed those were her favorites. There were a few anthologies, for classes I supposed, and a few collections of poetry. Four titles in Spanish. She must be proficient, then. And a few series of fantasy books that I doubted were part of her coursework.
Her algebra homework sat unfinished on her desk, a mess of eraser marks and scribbles. Her computer was turned off, an ancient, clunky sort of machine. Her textbooks were piled neatly on one corner of the desk. There were no pictures or knickknacks anywhere. On her bedside table were an alarm clock and a CD player. I found her CD collection in the top drawer - a mishmash of styles, from Linkin Park to Chopin’s Nocturnes. It looked like a miniature version of my CD collection. I smiled to myself. At least I’d found a human with some taste.
Beyond that, she didn’t seem to have many possessions. Would gifts please her, I wondered? If she had so little, it might help to win her over if I gave her things…but then, I recalled her earlier insistence that she wanted no one’s pity, and I thought perhaps gifts would insult her sense of independence. I would have to test her with small things first.
Bella began to mumble in her sleep, and I got back into the bed with her, afraid she would wake and find me searching her room. She merely curled into me, wrapping an arm around my torso as she shifted back into a deep slumber. I closed my eyes and cleared my mind, seeking the closest thing to sleep I could get.
~
In the morning I pretended to sleep while Bella scrambled around the room and then scurried into the bathroom between her room and the next, wrapped in the blanket I’d covered her with the night before. I heard her start the shower and decided it was as good a time as any to put my clothes on. I waited impatiently for her to come out, knowing it would be considered rude to leave without saying anything to her.
I listened to her washing in the shower, visualizing the soap running over her body and wondering whether she would mind me joining her. Eventually, though, the water turned off and I heard the rustle of her towel as she dried off. Then there was the scrubbing of a toothbrush at the same time that a hair dryer turned on. At least she was a multi-tasker.
Bella finally stepped out of the bathroom, freshly dressed in jeans and a light blouse with her hair falling neatly down her back.
“Good morning,” she said, blushing. “I - um - did you want to shower or something?”
I shrugged. “It can wait until I get back to my place.”
“All right.” She wrung her hands together. “Um…are you hungry? I usually go get breakfast about now…”
“I don’t eat breakfast, but I’ll come with you,” I said, rising from the bed. “Do you usually eat in the dining hall?”
“Yeah,” she blushed again. “I mean, you don’t have to come if you don’t want to. I just thought - “
“I want to come,” I said, more to end her nervous fidgeting than anything. “Lead the way.”
I waited for her to grab her purse and keys and lock the door. Then we began the short walk from the dormitory to the cafeteria. She was quiet, shooting glances my way when she thought I couldn’t see.
“Can’t be very fun, getting up early every Saturday just to get breakfast,” I commented.
She shrugged, eyes on the sidewalk. “You get used to it. Besides, I’ve never had the luxury of sleeping in.”
“Because of work?” I guessed. She smiled ruefully.
“Work, homework, you name it. Today I need to go job-hunting.”
“I can’t imagine that’s a very pleasant task.”
“No, it isn’t,” she said as we reached the cafeteria building. I held the door open for her, bracing myself against the onslaught of food scents - there was really nothing more nauseating.
I followed Bella through the line, watching her pick out an assortment of things and place them on her tray - fruit, cereal, yogurt, a muffin, orange juice. None of it seemed at all appetizing to me.
The place was mostly empty, but Bella went to a table in a back corner. I sat across from her, watching her take her spoon and start mashing the cereal down into the milk. Human habits were so odd.
“Where were you going to look for a job?” I asked her.
“Just here in town,” she said. “Within walking distance, if I can manage it. My truck’s on its last legs.”
“You drive a truck?” I chuckled, trying to imagine her in such a large vehicle. I’d been picturing her in something safe, conventional. A Volvo, maybe. But then, she’d mentioned a truck last night, hadn’t she? Was it the same one, still? Had it possibly survived the accident?
She glared. “What’s wrong with driving a truck?”
“Nothing,” I said, putting my hands up in surrender. Touchy subject, then. “It was just unexpected. Would you like me to have a look at it for you? I’m no expert, but I’ve done a fair bit of automotive work over the years.”
“Oh, that’s all right,” she said with a dismissive wave of her hand. “I’ll just have Jake look at it the next time I’m home.”
Jake? I frowned, wondering who this heretofore unmentioned male was. She was an only child, and I didn’t think she had a lot of cousins running about. She’d said she never had any boyfriends, but had she been hiding something? I had no way of knowing, did I?
“Do you not trust me with your truck?” I asked, suddenly wanting very much to keep her away from this Jake.
“No! It’s just, you’ve offered to do so much for me already. It doesn’t seem fair.” She looked back to her cereal, avoiding my eyes. “It’s no big deal. Jake’s the one that rebuilt the engine originally; he can take care of it.”
“Who is this Jake?” I finally asked, unable to contain it any longer. I’d never considered that I’d have a rival for Bella’s affections. The thought was unacceptable. She was mine.
“He’s a family friend,” Bella said, frowning at me. “My dad’s best friend’s son. My dad bought it off them when I moved to Forks. Edward, you’re not…you’re not jealous, are you?”
I shrugged. Was I jealous? Yes, I suppose I was. But the way she said it made it sound so…human. It wasn’t like I needed her to love me, I reasoned. I just needed to know nobody else would touch her.
“He’s only a friend. Almost like a brother,” she told me, eyeing me speculatively. “I wasn’t expecting you to be the jealous type.”
“I wasn’t either,” I murmured, looking away. One of the cafeteria workers was staring at us - or at me, rather. I turned back to Bella, finding her eyes firmly on me.
“I’m sorry, Edward,” she said gently. “I didn’t mean to make you feel bad about it. I just…have a hard time believing someone like you could be jealous over someone like me. That never even occurred to me. But I promise, you have nothing to be jealous about.”
I forced a smile. “Yes, well, you’ll have to forgive me, too. I’ve never been in this situation before.”
“Never?” she questioned, struggling to open her yogurt. “But…you have been with other women.”
“I have,” I confirmed. “But I’ve never found myself in a…relationship before.”
Bella bit her lip. “Is that what this is?”
“Do you object to the term?” I asked, struggling to read her.
“No, no. I just don’t know where this is going. I feel like you’re always a second away from disappearing forever…”
I shook my head. “I’ll be around, Bella.”
“What are we then?”
I contemplated the apple she was eating. The fruit looked better between her lips.
“I suppose the terms ‘boyfriend’ and ‘girlfriend’ work as well as anything else, unless you have something in mind.”
“No, that works,” she said with a blush. “I’m - uh - I’m done, if you want to leave.”
“Very well,” I said, following her again as she picked up her tray and took it to the conveyor belt that sent it back to the washers.
“Would you like a ride for your job-hunting?” I asked her as we left. After our discussion about her friend Jake, I felt reluctant to let her out of my sight. How many males out there would be more than willing to steal her away from me?
“I…um…” she bit her lip, uncertain. “If it’s not an inconvenience to you, that would be great.”
“It’s no inconvenience at all,” I said, steering her with a hand on her back in the direction of my car. “I don’t have any plans for the day.”
“Okay,” she agreed with a small smile. “Thank you.”
I shrugged. “My pleasure.”