Bonne Foi
Title: Bonne Foi
Author: cinnamon_kisses
Category: Drama, Romance
Rating: NC-17
Summary: AU. Edward Masen was changed in 1918 and abandoned by his sire. He feeds on human blood, unaware of any other way…until he stumbles across college freshman Bella Swan for a night that will change everything.
Disclaimer: A writer is like a goddess in her universe…but only one writer is making the money off Twilight, and that’s Stephenie Meyer. These are her characters, and I’m just having fun with them.
A/N: See the end of the chapter.
Chapter Two
As soon as I was free of Bella’s intoxicating presence, I realized I had done something incredibly stupid.
How had I let a little human have so much power over me? What pull did she have that turned all my natural instincts upside down? Her blood - sweet, fragrant, certainly delicious blood - should have been enough to erase all other thought from my mind. And yet, something else about her had called to me.
Was it her humanness, the warmth that had felt so good on my skin? That was replaceable. There were plenty of human girls around. So why had none of them appealed to me quite this way before? Maybe, then, it was her mind that drew me in. Or the lack thereof, perhaps. She seemed genuine, intelligent, different from the others - but I really had no way of knowing for sure, given that I couldn’t hear her mind. She could be like all the rest, really. But the silence was refreshing. If that silence was the reason I had been able to enjoy her, then that would complicate things exponentially.
I couldn’t afford to let her get too close. Surely she’d already noticed there was something strange about me. Normal people didn’t have black eyes and cold, hard skin. Even if she hadn’t minded at the time, it would be too much to hope that she hadn’t taken notice of those things at all. If she started talking, and word got back to the Volturi, I would be even deader than I already was.
I pulled into the parking space outside my apartment building just as the eastern horizon was lightening with the coming day. It would be a rare sunny day in Washington, and I would have to spend it indoors.
My apartment seemed irritatingly empty to me when I slipped inside. How ridiculous. I spent one night with a human and I was…what, lonely? Absurd. I shook the feeling off and went to shower. I could still smell her on me, and it was distracting. I needed a completely clear head. Throwing my clothes in the hamper along the way, I stepped into the shower stall and turned the water to maximum heat.
Clearly, I needed to decide on a course of action regarding Bella. I could just walk away and never see her again. That would be the smartest thing to do. Get out of her life and let her wonder what happened. But my body revolted against that idea - my throat burned for the blood I would never taste, and other parts ached for the pleasure I’d only ever found in her.
So I would see her again. But for what purpose would I seek her out? I could take the risk and feed from her, hoping that I would find another source of sexual gratification…or I could experiment first, and maybe have my cake and eat it too. I smiled to myself as I soaped down. Of course, why couldn’t I have it both ways? What was all the internal debate about?
I would go out tonight and find another young girl like Bella for a test run. If it was just as pleasurable, then I could finally indulge in Bella’s rich, sweet blood. And if not…well, I would at least find someone to feed from tonight, and then I would charm my way into Bella’s life for a repeat performance.
~
Going back to the school campus where I might run into Bella seemed like a bad idea, so I went into nearby Seattle instead. I waited until the later hours of the evening, when young women would be out at bars and clubs - easy targets, but I wasn’t looking for a challenge tonight.
I roamed the streets around Pioneer Square Park, where several nightclubs were located. The sounds of thumping music and loud, inebriated thoughts were almost more than I could bear, but I focused on scent, searching for something palatable. I was a picky eater, at best. After nearly 88 years, not just any blood would do.
It was an hour or two before people started trickling steadily out of the clubs, and even longer before anything appetizing came along. I hung back in the shadows, watching them pass by, waiting for a sweet scent to tickle my nose.
The first that was remotely tempting in flavor was a leggy blonde, but her thoughts were so obnoxiously stupid that I passed her over. But then the perfect candidate came in the form of a tall brunette, maybe 5’9”. Her dark hair fell in waves down her back, and her deep red dress clung to her body, showing off full breasts and hips. Yes, she would do nicely.
I stepped slightly forward into the light and caught her eye, flashing a careful smile. The girl blushed but changed her course in my direction.
Really? He’s looking at me? God, he’s gorgeous.
Her mental voice wasn’t too bad. I could probably ignore it. She reached my side, smiling coyly.
“Hi,” she said, “I’m Andrea.”
“Edward,” I answered as pleasantly as I could, already bored with the process of wooing her. “What are you doing out all alone?”
She shrugged. “Looking for some company.” Looking for someone like you. “What about you?”
“The same.”
She sidled in closer. “Maybe we could help each other.”
Ready to put an end to the flirtation - it was leaving a bad taste in my mouth - I pulled her into the alleyway I had positioned myself near. I met no resistance. In fact, she pressed herself into me and smashed her lips into mine. The scents of blood and alcohol assaulted me, but after Bella’s blood, it was easy to cope with. I steered her around, pressing her into the brick wall. She moaned.
God, he’s good.
My hands roamed, seeking gratification. She was soft and warm, to be sure, but something wasn’t right…she didn’t fit in my hands quite like I would have wanted.
I hope what they say about big hands is true.
Well, that was irritating. Maybe the thoughts would stop when I was fucking her. Growling, I pushed up her skirt.
Shit, what panties am I wearing? Oh, right, the black ones. Perfect. Maybe I can get more than one night out of this…if I can just get him to take me back to his place…
Damnit. I couldn’t even get hard with her thoughts rolling around. Frustrated, I decided it was time to end this. I moved my lips to her neck.
I hope he doesn’t leave a mark.
I opened my mouth to bite, letting the scent of her jugular wash over me. The venom flowed freely, I pressed my teeth to her skin…
And Bella’s face flashed before my eyes, not as I remembered it, but frozen in lifeless horror.
Shocked, I sprung away from the girl.
“What’s your deal?” she asked, offended.
I shook my head. “I don’t know,” I said before I turned and walked away. She called after me, but I ignored her.
So my first trial was unsuccessful. Maybe further attempts would yield better results, but I was doubtful. The girl’s thoughts hadn’t been as obnoxious as I’d generally encountered, but they were still too distracting. Perhaps I needed Bella after all.
But what truly troubled me was the vision I’d had of her face as I’d tried to feed. Or, rather, I should say I was troubled by the fact that the image troubled me at all - enough that I had stopped when I was fully ready to feed. Nothing should have been able to stop me in that moment.
Perhaps it was all an anomaly. I would have to try again. Maybe I should keep sex and feeding separate, to avoid further problems.
The night was still young. I found a different night club and scented around. Something appealing reached me, but it was male this time - not nearly as fun, but it would fill me, and that was vital now. Once I’d quenched my thirst, I could worry about other wants.
The young man - barely twenty-one, it looked like - stumbled past me, and I pulled him into the dark alley next to the building, much as I had with the first one. But I preferred not to look at the males when I bit them, sparing myself the awkwardness, so I kept him faced away from me as I dragged him into the shadows, hand clamped over his mouth to keep him from screaming, and leaned into his neck.
Once again, the image flashed before my eyes. I had been dreading it, but not really expecting it, and once again, it shocked me. The vision had enhanced itself this time, though, and now I saw that Bella was clearly dead by my hand, obvious from the deep gash in her throat, and the blood down her neck stood in stark contrast to her white skin.
The vision made my throat burn, and that should have been all it took to make stopping an impossibility. And yet, some other instinct had me releasing the young man. A sense of self-preservation sent me running, out of sight before my would-be victim could catch a glimpse of me.
I took to the rooftops. Something was very wrong - and I was getting unbearably thirsty. Perhaps I needed to get rid of the problem - get rid of Bella. But a substantial part of me recoiled at that idea, given my failures tonight. If I consumed her blood, it would surely be satisfying, the most satisfying of any I’d ever tasted…but then I would never have her again. Blood I could get anywhere, or so I’d thought, but sexual relief was another matter.
I couldn’t remember ever being this torn about anything in my existence. Desires had never conflicted for me before…probably because, really, there was only the one. Until now.
I would have to make a decision, and soon.
~
It had been several long days since my attempt at hunting, and my thirst nagged at me. I found myself outside Bella’s dormitory just after sunset, contemplating the main entrance. Students were sparse at the moment - most were out for their Friday nights, celebrating the weekend. I hoped Bella wasn’t among them.
Eventually, I left my dark hiding place and went through the unlocked doors to the dormitory. I walked up the stairs, to the room Bella had given as hers. Listening outside, I could hear no thoughts within, but I did hear a solid heartbeat and soft breathing. Good, then. She was alone.
I stepped forward and knocked lightly. I heard a scuffle within, a sound of surprised followed by a thump as a book hit the floor. Chuckling, I listened to her pick it up, hurry to the door, and fiddle with the lock. Finally, the door sprang open, and her lovely, flushed face appeared.
Her scent hit me like a brick, making my throat flame, and I considered again whether I should just take her now; I had yet to come to any sort of conclusion, and I was thirsty as hell. This could go any number of ways.
Bella’s eyes were wide with surprise. “Edward. Hi.”
I smiled at her confused expression. “Is this a bad time?”
“No.” She blushed again, little torturer that she was. “No, come in.”
I followed her into the tiny room, taking in her sweatpants and t-shirt. Clearly she had no plans for tonight. The room was sparsely decorated. The bed that Bella sat on had a simple blue bedspread, and her half of the room was by far the emptier. Her roommate’s things were decidedly more feminine and permeated with a homey scent - but nothing could mask the unmistakable essence of Bella within this room.
“You weren’t expecting to see me again, were you?” I asked, taking her empty desk chair. A glance at her work showed that she’d been busy with homework.
Her cheeks flushed, eyes downcast. “No, I wasn’t.”
“You thought I’d used you?” I surmised. She wasn’t exactly wrong there.
Bella shrugged uncomfortably. Her bare toes curled into the carpet and released. “I didn’t know what to think. It all happened so fast, and then I didn’t see you again…I couldn’t have blamed you if you didn’t want to see me again.”
I frowned, unable to follow her line of thought. “What makes you say that?”
Her eyes darted up to mine in disbelief. “Well, look at me. I’m nothing special. And you’re obviously very…experienced. I can’t imagine why you would want to see me again.”
So she thought she was ordinary. If only she knew how wrong she was. “The pleasure of your company isn’t reason enough? Besides, I’m not all that experienced, honestly.”
“No? You seemed to know what you were doing,” she accused. I laughed at her narrowed eyes.
“So did you. It doesn’t seem to be a very good indicator, does it?”
She looked away in discomfort. “So what brings you here?”
I nearly laughed again at her absurdity. “I came to see you. Unless you’re busy, of course. I might have called first, but you evidently didn’t trust me with your phone number.”
“Oh. No, I don’t have a phone.” She looked embarrassed. “I can’t afford a cell, or the charge for a university line. Angela lets me borrow hers now and then to check in on my dad, so I manage pretty well without.”
“I see.” I could see her self-reliance, too, and an independent streak that would get her into trouble. “You didn’t answer my other question. Are you too busy for me tonight?”
She smiled tentatively. “No, I’m not busy. What did you want to do?”
I smiled with as much charm as I could work up. “I only want to spend time with you.”
Again, the blush. It was an infernal torment when I was this thirsty. “We can hang out here, if you want. My roommate is gone for the weekend, visiting her boyfriend.”
“I would enjoy that.”
A moment of awkward silence followed. I wished again that I knew her thoughts, but then, her silent mind had proven to be a benefit the first time.
“So,” I finally came up with, “what were you doing before I arrived?”
“Algebra,” she said with a grimace. “I’m not very good at math; I have to work harder than I’d like at it. I wish I’d managed to pass the AP Calculus exam - then I wouldn’t need a math credit at all - but I’m worse at calculus than algebra."
“I could help with that, if you like,” I offered. Algebra was pitifully easy, and it would give me an excuse to see her regularly. How like a boy I was behaving - but my motives were anything but pure.
“I’ll probably take you up on that, but not tonight. My head is about to burst, between that and my poetry explication. I need a break. You came just in time.”
“Glad to be useful,” I said. “What do you do for fun, then?”
She took a moment to answer. “Nothing, really. I used to read, but I’ve barely got time now to read for class, never mind for fun.”
“Your job takes up a lot of time then?”
“Well, it did,” she said ruefully. “I got fired yesterday. Turns out, clumsy people make lousy waitresses.”
“I’m sorry,” I said, forging a sympathetic expression. “Sounds as if you’ve had a rough week.”
She shrugged, giving me a shy look through the eyelashes that stirred something in me. “It started off well enough.”
There was all the confirmation I needed. She had enjoyed it. I’d been fairly certain of that at the time, but her quietness afterward had made me question her feelings about it. “You don’t regret it, then?” I verified.
“No,” she shook her head. “No, I wouldn’t have done it if I thought I would regret it.”
She surprised me. Regret seemed to go hand in hand with one-night stands, in my experience, which was what she had thought it was, evidently. “You thought I had used you, but you never regretted it?”
Bella flushed in earnest now, and she curled into a defensive little ball on her bed, drawing her knees to her chest. “The way I feel when I’m with you is unlike anything I’ve ever felt. It’s like…it’s like I have to make the most of every second with you. There’s this sense of urgency like you’ll disappear at any moment. And…I wanted you. I’d never wanted anyone like that before.”
She looked away, shamefaced, and I found myself drawn in by her words, pulled closer. That she had felt such a strong attraction that she had given herself to me, a near stranger, even knowing she might never see me again was…astonishing. Was her strange hold on me something akin to what she had described? Was this thing between us really something so human?
My feet moved on their own accord until I was on the bed next o her, feeling her body heat like she was a living flame. My hand reached out to touch her skin, cupping her blushing cheek. Her eyes flickered up to mine and she wet her dry lips with her tongue. The burn of lust rocketed through me, and I wondered what it was about her that aroused me so where others could not.
“I can’t control myself with you,” she whispered. “It scares me.”
“I know the feeling,” I said, fascinated by the blunt honesty in her eyes. Her mind was a mystery to me, and yet, she kept nothing hidden. So strange for a human. And how she taunted me, how her parted lips beckoned me closer, how her heavy-lidded eyes made me picture her naked beneath me.
As instinctually as anything I’d ever done, I leaned forward to kiss her. The feel struck me anew; I loved the tentative way her mouth moved with mine, soft and pleading.
It happened just as the first time. Sensations multiplied as she pressed her body to mine and wound her fingers through my hair. In an instant, I had pushed her back onto the bed, fitting my body to hers. I flicked out my tongue to taste her lips. She moaned and arched her back. That was it; I had to have her right away.
I moved away from her to pull my shirt off, and Bella gave a sound of protest. I looked at her in disbelief - was she kidding me? Did she really want this to stop?
“I wanted to do that part,” she said as she pulled me back down by the shoulders and pressed her lips to my neck. Her aggressiveness surprised me; where had this courage come from?
“Next time,” I promised, working on tugging down her sweatpants.
“There’s a next time?” she said breathlessly, kicking off the pants once they reached her knees.
“I won’t be able to stay away from you.” I knew it was true; now that I was sure that Bella was the only one who could incite this feeling in me, I was quickly becoming addicted.
“I don’t want you to stay away.” Her eyes were round, longing, pleading. A strange feeling of…possessiveness swept through me. She was mine, this little human, and I think she knew it.
“I’ll be here.” Where else was I going to go? What did I have besides this girl to tie me to any place?
Her lips found mine, pressing with urgency, and her hands left paths of heat down my back. I wormed my fingers under her shirt, seeking the delicate skin I knew I would find beneath. Her chest was heaving as my palms settled over her breasts; her nipples pebbled against my cold skin. She arched her back, gasping, and her hips ground into my erection. A wave of need more powerful than anything I’d yet experienced washed through me, and I found myself yanking her shirt over her head, wrenching away the panties that kept me from what I wanted so desperately. Her fingers were scrabbling at the fastenings of my jeans. As soon as she’d finished - too slowly - I forced them off and fell upon her.
Bella moaned sharply as I entered her. Her body welcomed me in, slick and ready and painfully hot. I fought back a growl and moved within her as slowly as I could bear, which wasn’t very, but I didn’t think it would hurt her. At any rate, she gave every indication of enjoying herself. Her kittenish whimpers spurred me rapidly toward the edge. I wouldn’t last long at all.
If anything, Bella was more eager than I was. Her hips lifted to meet mine with surprising force, and the slapping of our skin formed a rhythmic base for her keening melody. Her eyes fluttered closed and she took her bottom lip between her teeth. With her flushed cheeks and hair fanned out beneath her, she was a perfect incarnation of sensuality. She was made for this, and she didn’t even know it.
I was close. The friction was quickly nearing a breaking point, and her reactions were maddening. When she begged for more, I completely lost myself. I drove into her as forcefully as I dared and came hard as her walls clenched around me with her own climax.
Reeling, I had just enough presence of mind not to collapse upon her. I rolled with her, bringing her to lie atop me on the tiny twin bed.
Her pulse hammered away distractingly, but I pushed it out of my mind, focusing my thoughts on her body instead. I still had yet to have a proper look at her, always caught up in the heat of the moment. She was all cream-colored skin and softness, curved in just the right way. I noticed red marks on her hip where my fingers had been. She would probably bruise, but she hadn’t asked me to stop. I wasn’t going to worry about it.
“Will you stay?” she asked softly, sleepily.
“Yes, I’ll stay,” I said as she snuggled into my side and closed her eyes. After all, it would have been rude to refuse.
TBC
A/N: Wow, I can’t believe the number of questions I had after one chapter.
As for the plot-related details (why didn’t Bella seem to notice anything off about Edward, where are the Cullens, etc.), I hope you’ll trust me to answer all of that in due time. Remember, this is all told from Edward’s PoV, so just because he doesn’t think of something now doesn’t mean it won’t come up later. And, yes, the characters probably seem a little OOC at times - I’m going to ask you to reserve judgment on that until you’ve had the whole story. I have my reasons for most things. You may not agree when all is said and done, and that’s fine, but I hope you’ll give me a chance.
Just to ease your worries, no, there will be no babies in this fic. I loved Breaking Dawn, but a little Renesmee popping up really wouldn’t fit with the story I’m trying to tell. No, they didn’t use protection in the last chapter, but that’s not a problem, and you’ll see why later on.
As for other questions -
Will we be seeing Bella’s version of events? No, you will not be seeing Bella’s PoV in this story, at least, not as I’m planning it. I’ve made the artistic choice for now to keep it all from Edward’s PoV. This is his journey, and I want you all to experience it as he does.
What does the title mean? Well, Bella and Edward were talking about existentialist literature in the last chapter, and that’s where “bonne foi” comes from. In existentialist philosophy, “bonne foi” is the state of being when a person takes control of his own life and accepts responsibility for his actions. Hopefully, you can see how this relates to Edward.
Author: cinnamon_kisses
Category: Drama, Romance
Rating: NC-17
Summary: AU. Edward Masen was changed in 1918 and abandoned by his sire. He feeds on human blood, unaware of any other way…until he stumbles across college freshman Bella Swan for a night that will change everything.
Disclaimer: A writer is like a goddess in her universe…but only one writer is making the money off Twilight, and that’s Stephenie Meyer. These are her characters, and I’m just having fun with them.
A/N: See the end of the chapter.
Chapter Two
As soon as I was free of Bella’s intoxicating presence, I realized I had done something incredibly stupid.
How had I let a little human have so much power over me? What pull did she have that turned all my natural instincts upside down? Her blood - sweet, fragrant, certainly delicious blood - should have been enough to erase all other thought from my mind. And yet, something else about her had called to me.
Was it her humanness, the warmth that had felt so good on my skin? That was replaceable. There were plenty of human girls around. So why had none of them appealed to me quite this way before? Maybe, then, it was her mind that drew me in. Or the lack thereof, perhaps. She seemed genuine, intelligent, different from the others - but I really had no way of knowing for sure, given that I couldn’t hear her mind. She could be like all the rest, really. But the silence was refreshing. If that silence was the reason I had been able to enjoy her, then that would complicate things exponentially.
I couldn’t afford to let her get too close. Surely she’d already noticed there was something strange about me. Normal people didn’t have black eyes and cold, hard skin. Even if she hadn’t minded at the time, it would be too much to hope that she hadn’t taken notice of those things at all. If she started talking, and word got back to the Volturi, I would be even deader than I already was.
I pulled into the parking space outside my apartment building just as the eastern horizon was lightening with the coming day. It would be a rare sunny day in Washington, and I would have to spend it indoors.
My apartment seemed irritatingly empty to me when I slipped inside. How ridiculous. I spent one night with a human and I was…what, lonely? Absurd. I shook the feeling off and went to shower. I could still smell her on me, and it was distracting. I needed a completely clear head. Throwing my clothes in the hamper along the way, I stepped into the shower stall and turned the water to maximum heat.
Clearly, I needed to decide on a course of action regarding Bella. I could just walk away and never see her again. That would be the smartest thing to do. Get out of her life and let her wonder what happened. But my body revolted against that idea - my throat burned for the blood I would never taste, and other parts ached for the pleasure I’d only ever found in her.
So I would see her again. But for what purpose would I seek her out? I could take the risk and feed from her, hoping that I would find another source of sexual gratification…or I could experiment first, and maybe have my cake and eat it too. I smiled to myself as I soaped down. Of course, why couldn’t I have it both ways? What was all the internal debate about?
I would go out tonight and find another young girl like Bella for a test run. If it was just as pleasurable, then I could finally indulge in Bella’s rich, sweet blood. And if not…well, I would at least find someone to feed from tonight, and then I would charm my way into Bella’s life for a repeat performance.
~
Going back to the school campus where I might run into Bella seemed like a bad idea, so I went into nearby Seattle instead. I waited until the later hours of the evening, when young women would be out at bars and clubs - easy targets, but I wasn’t looking for a challenge tonight.
I roamed the streets around Pioneer Square Park, where several nightclubs were located. The sounds of thumping music and loud, inebriated thoughts were almost more than I could bear, but I focused on scent, searching for something palatable. I was a picky eater, at best. After nearly 88 years, not just any blood would do.
It was an hour or two before people started trickling steadily out of the clubs, and even longer before anything appetizing came along. I hung back in the shadows, watching them pass by, waiting for a sweet scent to tickle my nose.
The first that was remotely tempting in flavor was a leggy blonde, but her thoughts were so obnoxiously stupid that I passed her over. But then the perfect candidate came in the form of a tall brunette, maybe 5’9”. Her dark hair fell in waves down her back, and her deep red dress clung to her body, showing off full breasts and hips. Yes, she would do nicely.
I stepped slightly forward into the light and caught her eye, flashing a careful smile. The girl blushed but changed her course in my direction.
Really? He’s looking at me? God, he’s gorgeous.
Her mental voice wasn’t too bad. I could probably ignore it. She reached my side, smiling coyly.
“Hi,” she said, “I’m Andrea.”
“Edward,” I answered as pleasantly as I could, already bored with the process of wooing her. “What are you doing out all alone?”
She shrugged. “Looking for some company.” Looking for someone like you. “What about you?”
“The same.”
She sidled in closer. “Maybe we could help each other.”
Ready to put an end to the flirtation - it was leaving a bad taste in my mouth - I pulled her into the alleyway I had positioned myself near. I met no resistance. In fact, she pressed herself into me and smashed her lips into mine. The scents of blood and alcohol assaulted me, but after Bella’s blood, it was easy to cope with. I steered her around, pressing her into the brick wall. She moaned.
God, he’s good.
My hands roamed, seeking gratification. She was soft and warm, to be sure, but something wasn’t right…she didn’t fit in my hands quite like I would have wanted.
I hope what they say about big hands is true.
Well, that was irritating. Maybe the thoughts would stop when I was fucking her. Growling, I pushed up her skirt.
Shit, what panties am I wearing? Oh, right, the black ones. Perfect. Maybe I can get more than one night out of this…if I can just get him to take me back to his place…
Damnit. I couldn’t even get hard with her thoughts rolling around. Frustrated, I decided it was time to end this. I moved my lips to her neck.
I hope he doesn’t leave a mark.
I opened my mouth to bite, letting the scent of her jugular wash over me. The venom flowed freely, I pressed my teeth to her skin…
And Bella’s face flashed before my eyes, not as I remembered it, but frozen in lifeless horror.
Shocked, I sprung away from the girl.
“What’s your deal?” she asked, offended.
I shook my head. “I don’t know,” I said before I turned and walked away. She called after me, but I ignored her.
So my first trial was unsuccessful. Maybe further attempts would yield better results, but I was doubtful. The girl’s thoughts hadn’t been as obnoxious as I’d generally encountered, but they were still too distracting. Perhaps I needed Bella after all.
But what truly troubled me was the vision I’d had of her face as I’d tried to feed. Or, rather, I should say I was troubled by the fact that the image troubled me at all - enough that I had stopped when I was fully ready to feed. Nothing should have been able to stop me in that moment.
Perhaps it was all an anomaly. I would have to try again. Maybe I should keep sex and feeding separate, to avoid further problems.
The night was still young. I found a different night club and scented around. Something appealing reached me, but it was male this time - not nearly as fun, but it would fill me, and that was vital now. Once I’d quenched my thirst, I could worry about other wants.
The young man - barely twenty-one, it looked like - stumbled past me, and I pulled him into the dark alley next to the building, much as I had with the first one. But I preferred not to look at the males when I bit them, sparing myself the awkwardness, so I kept him faced away from me as I dragged him into the shadows, hand clamped over his mouth to keep him from screaming, and leaned into his neck.
Once again, the image flashed before my eyes. I had been dreading it, but not really expecting it, and once again, it shocked me. The vision had enhanced itself this time, though, and now I saw that Bella was clearly dead by my hand, obvious from the deep gash in her throat, and the blood down her neck stood in stark contrast to her white skin.
The vision made my throat burn, and that should have been all it took to make stopping an impossibility. And yet, some other instinct had me releasing the young man. A sense of self-preservation sent me running, out of sight before my would-be victim could catch a glimpse of me.
I took to the rooftops. Something was very wrong - and I was getting unbearably thirsty. Perhaps I needed to get rid of the problem - get rid of Bella. But a substantial part of me recoiled at that idea, given my failures tonight. If I consumed her blood, it would surely be satisfying, the most satisfying of any I’d ever tasted…but then I would never have her again. Blood I could get anywhere, or so I’d thought, but sexual relief was another matter.
I couldn’t remember ever being this torn about anything in my existence. Desires had never conflicted for me before…probably because, really, there was only the one. Until now.
I would have to make a decision, and soon.
~
It had been several long days since my attempt at hunting, and my thirst nagged at me. I found myself outside Bella’s dormitory just after sunset, contemplating the main entrance. Students were sparse at the moment - most were out for their Friday nights, celebrating the weekend. I hoped Bella wasn’t among them.
Eventually, I left my dark hiding place and went through the unlocked doors to the dormitory. I walked up the stairs, to the room Bella had given as hers. Listening outside, I could hear no thoughts within, but I did hear a solid heartbeat and soft breathing. Good, then. She was alone.
I stepped forward and knocked lightly. I heard a scuffle within, a sound of surprised followed by a thump as a book hit the floor. Chuckling, I listened to her pick it up, hurry to the door, and fiddle with the lock. Finally, the door sprang open, and her lovely, flushed face appeared.
Her scent hit me like a brick, making my throat flame, and I considered again whether I should just take her now; I had yet to come to any sort of conclusion, and I was thirsty as hell. This could go any number of ways.
Bella’s eyes were wide with surprise. “Edward. Hi.”
I smiled at her confused expression. “Is this a bad time?”
“No.” She blushed again, little torturer that she was. “No, come in.”
I followed her into the tiny room, taking in her sweatpants and t-shirt. Clearly she had no plans for tonight. The room was sparsely decorated. The bed that Bella sat on had a simple blue bedspread, and her half of the room was by far the emptier. Her roommate’s things were decidedly more feminine and permeated with a homey scent - but nothing could mask the unmistakable essence of Bella within this room.
“You weren’t expecting to see me again, were you?” I asked, taking her empty desk chair. A glance at her work showed that she’d been busy with homework.
Her cheeks flushed, eyes downcast. “No, I wasn’t.”
“You thought I’d used you?” I surmised. She wasn’t exactly wrong there.
Bella shrugged uncomfortably. Her bare toes curled into the carpet and released. “I didn’t know what to think. It all happened so fast, and then I didn’t see you again…I couldn’t have blamed you if you didn’t want to see me again.”
I frowned, unable to follow her line of thought. “What makes you say that?”
Her eyes darted up to mine in disbelief. “Well, look at me. I’m nothing special. And you’re obviously very…experienced. I can’t imagine why you would want to see me again.”
So she thought she was ordinary. If only she knew how wrong she was. “The pleasure of your company isn’t reason enough? Besides, I’m not all that experienced, honestly.”
“No? You seemed to know what you were doing,” she accused. I laughed at her narrowed eyes.
“So did you. It doesn’t seem to be a very good indicator, does it?”
She looked away in discomfort. “So what brings you here?”
I nearly laughed again at her absurdity. “I came to see you. Unless you’re busy, of course. I might have called first, but you evidently didn’t trust me with your phone number.”
“Oh. No, I don’t have a phone.” She looked embarrassed. “I can’t afford a cell, or the charge for a university line. Angela lets me borrow hers now and then to check in on my dad, so I manage pretty well without.”
“I see.” I could see her self-reliance, too, and an independent streak that would get her into trouble. “You didn’t answer my other question. Are you too busy for me tonight?”
She smiled tentatively. “No, I’m not busy. What did you want to do?”
I smiled with as much charm as I could work up. “I only want to spend time with you.”
Again, the blush. It was an infernal torment when I was this thirsty. “We can hang out here, if you want. My roommate is gone for the weekend, visiting her boyfriend.”
“I would enjoy that.”
A moment of awkward silence followed. I wished again that I knew her thoughts, but then, her silent mind had proven to be a benefit the first time.
“So,” I finally came up with, “what were you doing before I arrived?”
“Algebra,” she said with a grimace. “I’m not very good at math; I have to work harder than I’d like at it. I wish I’d managed to pass the AP Calculus exam - then I wouldn’t need a math credit at all - but I’m worse at calculus than algebra."
“I could help with that, if you like,” I offered. Algebra was pitifully easy, and it would give me an excuse to see her regularly. How like a boy I was behaving - but my motives were anything but pure.
“I’ll probably take you up on that, but not tonight. My head is about to burst, between that and my poetry explication. I need a break. You came just in time.”
“Glad to be useful,” I said. “What do you do for fun, then?”
She took a moment to answer. “Nothing, really. I used to read, but I’ve barely got time now to read for class, never mind for fun.”
“Your job takes up a lot of time then?”
“Well, it did,” she said ruefully. “I got fired yesterday. Turns out, clumsy people make lousy waitresses.”
“I’m sorry,” I said, forging a sympathetic expression. “Sounds as if you’ve had a rough week.”
She shrugged, giving me a shy look through the eyelashes that stirred something in me. “It started off well enough.”
There was all the confirmation I needed. She had enjoyed it. I’d been fairly certain of that at the time, but her quietness afterward had made me question her feelings about it. “You don’t regret it, then?” I verified.
“No,” she shook her head. “No, I wouldn’t have done it if I thought I would regret it.”
She surprised me. Regret seemed to go hand in hand with one-night stands, in my experience, which was what she had thought it was, evidently. “You thought I had used you, but you never regretted it?”
Bella flushed in earnest now, and she curled into a defensive little ball on her bed, drawing her knees to her chest. “The way I feel when I’m with you is unlike anything I’ve ever felt. It’s like…it’s like I have to make the most of every second with you. There’s this sense of urgency like you’ll disappear at any moment. And…I wanted you. I’d never wanted anyone like that before.”
She looked away, shamefaced, and I found myself drawn in by her words, pulled closer. That she had felt such a strong attraction that she had given herself to me, a near stranger, even knowing she might never see me again was…astonishing. Was her strange hold on me something akin to what she had described? Was this thing between us really something so human?
My feet moved on their own accord until I was on the bed next o her, feeling her body heat like she was a living flame. My hand reached out to touch her skin, cupping her blushing cheek. Her eyes flickered up to mine and she wet her dry lips with her tongue. The burn of lust rocketed through me, and I wondered what it was about her that aroused me so where others could not.
“I can’t control myself with you,” she whispered. “It scares me.”
“I know the feeling,” I said, fascinated by the blunt honesty in her eyes. Her mind was a mystery to me, and yet, she kept nothing hidden. So strange for a human. And how she taunted me, how her parted lips beckoned me closer, how her heavy-lidded eyes made me picture her naked beneath me.
As instinctually as anything I’d ever done, I leaned forward to kiss her. The feel struck me anew; I loved the tentative way her mouth moved with mine, soft and pleading.
It happened just as the first time. Sensations multiplied as she pressed her body to mine and wound her fingers through my hair. In an instant, I had pushed her back onto the bed, fitting my body to hers. I flicked out my tongue to taste her lips. She moaned and arched her back. That was it; I had to have her right away.
I moved away from her to pull my shirt off, and Bella gave a sound of protest. I looked at her in disbelief - was she kidding me? Did she really want this to stop?
“I wanted to do that part,” she said as she pulled me back down by the shoulders and pressed her lips to my neck. Her aggressiveness surprised me; where had this courage come from?
“Next time,” I promised, working on tugging down her sweatpants.
“There’s a next time?” she said breathlessly, kicking off the pants once they reached her knees.
“I won’t be able to stay away from you.” I knew it was true; now that I was sure that Bella was the only one who could incite this feeling in me, I was quickly becoming addicted.
“I don’t want you to stay away.” Her eyes were round, longing, pleading. A strange feeling of…possessiveness swept through me. She was mine, this little human, and I think she knew it.
“I’ll be here.” Where else was I going to go? What did I have besides this girl to tie me to any place?
Her lips found mine, pressing with urgency, and her hands left paths of heat down my back. I wormed my fingers under her shirt, seeking the delicate skin I knew I would find beneath. Her chest was heaving as my palms settled over her breasts; her nipples pebbled against my cold skin. She arched her back, gasping, and her hips ground into my erection. A wave of need more powerful than anything I’d yet experienced washed through me, and I found myself yanking her shirt over her head, wrenching away the panties that kept me from what I wanted so desperately. Her fingers were scrabbling at the fastenings of my jeans. As soon as she’d finished - too slowly - I forced them off and fell upon her.
Bella moaned sharply as I entered her. Her body welcomed me in, slick and ready and painfully hot. I fought back a growl and moved within her as slowly as I could bear, which wasn’t very, but I didn’t think it would hurt her. At any rate, she gave every indication of enjoying herself. Her kittenish whimpers spurred me rapidly toward the edge. I wouldn’t last long at all.
If anything, Bella was more eager than I was. Her hips lifted to meet mine with surprising force, and the slapping of our skin formed a rhythmic base for her keening melody. Her eyes fluttered closed and she took her bottom lip between her teeth. With her flushed cheeks and hair fanned out beneath her, she was a perfect incarnation of sensuality. She was made for this, and she didn’t even know it.
I was close. The friction was quickly nearing a breaking point, and her reactions were maddening. When she begged for more, I completely lost myself. I drove into her as forcefully as I dared and came hard as her walls clenched around me with her own climax.
Reeling, I had just enough presence of mind not to collapse upon her. I rolled with her, bringing her to lie atop me on the tiny twin bed.
Her pulse hammered away distractingly, but I pushed it out of my mind, focusing my thoughts on her body instead. I still had yet to have a proper look at her, always caught up in the heat of the moment. She was all cream-colored skin and softness, curved in just the right way. I noticed red marks on her hip where my fingers had been. She would probably bruise, but she hadn’t asked me to stop. I wasn’t going to worry about it.
“Will you stay?” she asked softly, sleepily.
“Yes, I’ll stay,” I said as she snuggled into my side and closed her eyes. After all, it would have been rude to refuse.
TBC
A/N: Wow, I can’t believe the number of questions I had after one chapter.
As for the plot-related details (why didn’t Bella seem to notice anything off about Edward, where are the Cullens, etc.), I hope you’ll trust me to answer all of that in due time. Remember, this is all told from Edward’s PoV, so just because he doesn’t think of something now doesn’t mean it won’t come up later. And, yes, the characters probably seem a little OOC at times - I’m going to ask you to reserve judgment on that until you’ve had the whole story. I have my reasons for most things. You may not agree when all is said and done, and that’s fine, but I hope you’ll give me a chance.
Just to ease your worries, no, there will be no babies in this fic. I loved Breaking Dawn, but a little Renesmee popping up really wouldn’t fit with the story I’m trying to tell. No, they didn’t use protection in the last chapter, but that’s not a problem, and you’ll see why later on.
As for other questions -
Will we be seeing Bella’s version of events? No, you will not be seeing Bella’s PoV in this story, at least, not as I’m planning it. I’ve made the artistic choice for now to keep it all from Edward’s PoV. This is his journey, and I want you all to experience it as he does.
What does the title mean? Well, Bella and Edward were talking about existentialist literature in the last chapter, and that’s where “bonne foi” comes from. In existentialist philosophy, “bonne foi” is the state of being when a person takes control of his own life and accepts responsibility for his actions. Hopefully, you can see how this relates to Edward.