[FANFIC] To Insanity and Back ch 7
title: To Insanity and Back
author: Twiglet71
genre: angst
length: chaptered (7/?)
pairing: Yunho/ jaejoong
rating: pg13
warning: some bad language
summery: “Su can you go and wake Jae for me. Don’t let him shower, just tell him the food is ready.”
Chapter 7
The next morning Yunho woke to the sound of voices. Jae was still sleeping soundly so he gently removed his body from where it was curled around his lovers and left the bed. He entered the kitchen and could see his friends still in their night clothes sitting round the table drinking coffee.
“Hey, ‘morning. You want coffee?” Su jumped out of his seat and went to the coffee machine. He poured Yunho a coffee and placed it in front of him.
“What the hell…………….?” Chun just pointed at Yunho as the others all looked at him and gasped.
“I got on the end of Jae’s nightmare. Does it look that bad?”
“It looks like you’ve been boxing. You’re lucky you have a couple of weeks off, even make up couldn’t fix that Yunho.” Dong Wook approached him and examined his face. “It needs cleaning up a bit, here let me”. Dong Wook left the room and came back with the first aid box.
“Is Jae alright Yunho” Su looked like he was on the verge of tears again so Chun put his arm around him.
“I don’t know Su. One minute he thinks I don’t want him, and then he’s ok. He doesn’t want to eat, he wants to shower constantly…………I’m at a loss here”. Yunho put his head in his hands and fought back the tears. “How is he going to feel when he sees what he’s done to my face? All he needs is a dose of guilt on top of every thing else.” Yunho sighed deep and long and looked up at his friends. Dong Wook continued cleaning Yunho’s wounds.
“Yunho, Jae’s been through a terrible experience. He’s bound to feel confused and emotional. We all have to be patient with him, especially you. But we’re all here to support you both, remember that” Dong Wook squeezed his shoulder. “He’s right Yunho”. Min nodded.
“Right that’s it! We are staying in all day watching the TV. I’m going to cook us a huge breakfast and we are going to treat Jae as normally as possible. We are all going to spend the day together. Who’s up for that?” The boys all nodded and murmured their agreement.
Min started the breakfast while his boyfriend tended to their friends face, focusing on the task and shutting out the chatter of the others. When it was almost finished Yunho turned to Su.
“Su can you go and wake Jae for me. Don’t let him shower, just tell him the food is ready.” Su nodded and Yunho murmured his thanks.
Jae woke up and he was alone in the bed. The aroma of breakfast surrounded him and he felt the stirrings of hunger in his belly. As he got out of the bed the door opened and in walked Su.
“Good morning. I’ve been sent to fetch you for breakfast. Come on, your wonderful boyfriend has prepared a feast!” Su grabbed Jae by the arm and pulled him gently towards the door.
“I’m just going to shower first”. Jae tried to pull away but Su held fast to his arm
“Oh no… you must be the cleanest person in the city the amount of showers you’ve had. Eat first then shower!” Jae reluctantly followed Su into the kitchen. The other boys were sitting around the big kitchen table. Yunho was at the cooker stirring some food. He started to dish the food into serving dishes when he heard the two friends enter the kitchen. Yunho turned around and Jae gasped when he saw Yunho’s cut lip and bruised face. “Hey baby. Are you hungry?”
“Shit Yunho!! I’m so sorry”. Yunho immediately went to Jae and put his arms around him.
“Hush baby, its ok. Forget about it. It’s my own fault for getting in your face while you were having a bad dream. Now sit so we can eat”. He kissed the tip of Jae’s nose and turned back to the breakfast preparation. Jae sat at the table and looked down. He was thinking of the blood tests they had given him at the hospital. What if the attacker had infected him? The implications of what had happened were well and truly sinking in. He was still sore and painful and he knew he would feel like that for a while. He could hear his friends chattering around him but he couldn’t focus on what they were saying. Al he could think about was the attack and there were vague memories of the nightmare he’d had. He looked up and saw Yunho’s battered face and he began to cry. Yunho walked over and held him gently “baby, what’s the matter?”
“I’m just so stupid, look what I’ve done to you. I’m so sorry.” He felt so wretched and his heart hurt.
“It doesn’t matter. Come on don’t cry.” He rocked Jae gently in his arms. He looked over his shoulder and saw Min shake his head slowly. Dong Wook walked over and place a coffee on the table next to them and placed his hand on Jae’s shoulder.
At last they were all seated around the table eating and drinking. The mood was gradually lifting as they all treated Jae how they normally would. Jae was always the strong member of their circle. He was usually the most nurturing and motherly person. He was the one you went to with your problems. It seemed like roles within the group had changed with Yunho becoming the ‘mum’. Jae was wondering how he was going to tell Yunho that when he had to get the test results next week he didn’t want him with him. A part of him wanted Yunho there but he was afraid that if the results showed he had hepatitis or HIV Yunho would react badly. At least if Yunho wasn’t there and the results were unfavorable he could just go home and not see his lover again. It was better than being dumped for being unclean. He’d eaten only half of his breakfast when he had a sudden urge to have a bath.
“Yunho, I ache a bit. Do you mind if I have a soak in the bath?”
His lover smiled and nodded. You know you don’t have to ask”. He kissed his hand “Just shout if you need anything.”
Jae sunk down into the hot water, the bubbles were up to his neck and he wondered how hard it would be to drown himself. Just as he decided it would be too hard as he was sure he would struggle, the door opened and Dong Wook walked in.
“Hey Jaejae, you alright?” he sat himself down on the floor, his back against the wall, facing the bath.
“Yes, sort of.” He decided his ex would be the right person to discuss his anxiety over the test result with.
“Dong Wook, you know I had to have blood tests, don’t you?” his friend nodded. “Well I have to get the results next week. What do I do about Yunho?”
Dong Wook needed up at the side of the bath so he was eye level with Jae. “What do you mean?”
“Well if it’s bad news I’ll have to go home. He won’t want me. I just don’t know how to handle it all” he felt like he was going to cry again.
“Jae, if it’s bad news you tell him. He loves you, he will stay by your side. We all will.”
“No Dong Wook…..he loved the pre - damaged Jae. You know…the one who wasn’t raped by some dirty pervert, who probably carries all sorts of filthy horrible diseases and viruses. The Jae that hasn’t had some dirty pervert inside him making him sore and dirty…….!” He was beginning to become hysterical “I can’t stand it! Why did he do this to me? Why me? Everything had just started to go right. It’s not fair! It’s not fucking fair!!!” his body shook violently as all the hurt and emotion poured out of him. His friend grabbed a towel and helped him out of the bath. “Come on Jae; let’s get you out of there.” His voice broke with emotion as he held his friend tight. “Let’s get you dry and get dressed. Do you want to go to bed? Do you want something to drink or some lunch? Dong Wook was flustered, he didn’t quite know how to handle his friends outpouring of emotion.
Jae sobbed loudly. “I don’t want to go to bed. I don’t want to eat. I just want to die! I can’t stand feeling like this. I just don’t know what to do!” His sobbing was not subsiding but getting louder.
“I’ll get Yunho. Come into the bedroom and I’ll fetch him for you.” He steered Jae to the bedroom and sat him on the bed.
“I don’t want Yunho! I don’t want anyone! I just want to die!!” he threw himself face down on the bed and just sobbed. His sobbing was so loud that he others heard it and rushed in. Dong Wook signaled the others to leave with him while Yunho sat next to Jae on the bed. When they were alone he lay next to his sobbing lover and held him close. He didn’t speak but just held him gently and let him cry. He closed his eyes in a vain attempt to stop his own tears but failed. They lay there for about an hour, not speaking, just crying. When Jae finally stopped Yunho tilted his head up so he could look into his eyes. He felt his heart break when he saw his lovers red eyes.
“Jae I can’t begin to know what you are feeling, all I know is it is bad. But anything you need from me, anything I can do for you, it’s yours.”
“Will you feel like that if I have HIV or hepatitis?” Jae’s voice had a sneer to it.
“I’ll feel like this no matter what.” He was still looking into his lover’s eyes and he could see bitterness starting to appear. Oh please don’t let that bitterness be for me, he thought to himself.
“Yeah right!” Jae pulled away, Yunho immediately pulled him back.
“Look at me. Don’t think I will desert you. I’m in this for the long haul. I’m not some selfish bastard who would bail out at the first sign of difficulty. If you really love me you’ll know I’m much better than that!” He immediately regretted raising his voice. “I’m sorry baby. I didn’t mean to shout at you.” He whispered into his hair. “Jae, if you only realized how much I love you. I have never felt like this about anyone before. You’re special, you’re mine and I can’t stand the thought of what’s happened to you. If I could take away the pain I would. If I could carry it for you I would. The best I can do is be here for you and love you.” Jae realized his lover was crying so he reached up and kissed his tears.
Yunho smiled “Baby you’re here with me, sleeping in the same bed as me. You’re letting me hold you. Most people who have been through what you have can’t bear physical contact, even from their partner. That just shows what a strong person you are.”
“No Yunho that just shows how much I trust you. I know you and our friends would never hurt me. I don’t think I’m ready to be intimate but I know I need you to hold me.”
“I’ll wait until you are ready and I don’t care how long that is.” Yunho placed a gently kiss on his lovers head.
a/n- I’m sorry for the long time between updates. I have been so busy with work and family lately. I’m now in Korea for my summer job and apart from working hard at that I have no other distractions, so I will be able to update more often. I love your comments.
author: Twiglet71
genre: angst
length: chaptered (7/?)
pairing: Yunho/ jaejoong
rating: pg13
warning: some bad language
summery: “Su can you go and wake Jae for me. Don’t let him shower, just tell him the food is ready.”
Chapter 7
The next morning Yunho woke to the sound of voices. Jae was still sleeping soundly so he gently removed his body from where it was curled around his lovers and left the bed. He entered the kitchen and could see his friends still in their night clothes sitting round the table drinking coffee.
“Hey, ‘morning. You want coffee?” Su jumped out of his seat and went to the coffee machine. He poured Yunho a coffee and placed it in front of him.
“What the hell…………….?” Chun just pointed at Yunho as the others all looked at him and gasped.
“I got on the end of Jae’s nightmare. Does it look that bad?”
“It looks like you’ve been boxing. You’re lucky you have a couple of weeks off, even make up couldn’t fix that Yunho.” Dong Wook approached him and examined his face. “It needs cleaning up a bit, here let me”. Dong Wook left the room and came back with the first aid box.
“Is Jae alright Yunho” Su looked like he was on the verge of tears again so Chun put his arm around him.
“I don’t know Su. One minute he thinks I don’t want him, and then he’s ok. He doesn’t want to eat, he wants to shower constantly…………I’m at a loss here”. Yunho put his head in his hands and fought back the tears. “How is he going to feel when he sees what he’s done to my face? All he needs is a dose of guilt on top of every thing else.” Yunho sighed deep and long and looked up at his friends. Dong Wook continued cleaning Yunho’s wounds.
“Yunho, Jae’s been through a terrible experience. He’s bound to feel confused and emotional. We all have to be patient with him, especially you. But we’re all here to support you both, remember that” Dong Wook squeezed his shoulder. “He’s right Yunho”. Min nodded.
“Right that’s it! We are staying in all day watching the TV. I’m going to cook us a huge breakfast and we are going to treat Jae as normally as possible. We are all going to spend the day together. Who’s up for that?” The boys all nodded and murmured their agreement.
Min started the breakfast while his boyfriend tended to their friends face, focusing on the task and shutting out the chatter of the others. When it was almost finished Yunho turned to Su.
“Su can you go and wake Jae for me. Don’t let him shower, just tell him the food is ready.” Su nodded and Yunho murmured his thanks.
Jae woke up and he was alone in the bed. The aroma of breakfast surrounded him and he felt the stirrings of hunger in his belly. As he got out of the bed the door opened and in walked Su.
“Good morning. I’ve been sent to fetch you for breakfast. Come on, your wonderful boyfriend has prepared a feast!” Su grabbed Jae by the arm and pulled him gently towards the door.
“I’m just going to shower first”. Jae tried to pull away but Su held fast to his arm
“Oh no… you must be the cleanest person in the city the amount of showers you’ve had. Eat first then shower!” Jae reluctantly followed Su into the kitchen. The other boys were sitting around the big kitchen table. Yunho was at the cooker stirring some food. He started to dish the food into serving dishes when he heard the two friends enter the kitchen. Yunho turned around and Jae gasped when he saw Yunho’s cut lip and bruised face. “Hey baby. Are you hungry?”
“Shit Yunho!! I’m so sorry”. Yunho immediately went to Jae and put his arms around him.
“Hush baby, its ok. Forget about it. It’s my own fault for getting in your face while you were having a bad dream. Now sit so we can eat”. He kissed the tip of Jae’s nose and turned back to the breakfast preparation. Jae sat at the table and looked down. He was thinking of the blood tests they had given him at the hospital. What if the attacker had infected him? The implications of what had happened were well and truly sinking in. He was still sore and painful and he knew he would feel like that for a while. He could hear his friends chattering around him but he couldn’t focus on what they were saying. Al he could think about was the attack and there were vague memories of the nightmare he’d had. He looked up and saw Yunho’s battered face and he began to cry. Yunho walked over and held him gently “baby, what’s the matter?”
“I’m just so stupid, look what I’ve done to you. I’m so sorry.” He felt so wretched and his heart hurt.
“It doesn’t matter. Come on don’t cry.” He rocked Jae gently in his arms. He looked over his shoulder and saw Min shake his head slowly. Dong Wook walked over and place a coffee on the table next to them and placed his hand on Jae’s shoulder.
At last they were all seated around the table eating and drinking. The mood was gradually lifting as they all treated Jae how they normally would. Jae was always the strong member of their circle. He was usually the most nurturing and motherly person. He was the one you went to with your problems. It seemed like roles within the group had changed with Yunho becoming the ‘mum’. Jae was wondering how he was going to tell Yunho that when he had to get the test results next week he didn’t want him with him. A part of him wanted Yunho there but he was afraid that if the results showed he had hepatitis or HIV Yunho would react badly. At least if Yunho wasn’t there and the results were unfavorable he could just go home and not see his lover again. It was better than being dumped for being unclean. He’d eaten only half of his breakfast when he had a sudden urge to have a bath.
“Yunho, I ache a bit. Do you mind if I have a soak in the bath?”
His lover smiled and nodded. You know you don’t have to ask”. He kissed his hand “Just shout if you need anything.”
Jae sunk down into the hot water, the bubbles were up to his neck and he wondered how hard it would be to drown himself. Just as he decided it would be too hard as he was sure he would struggle, the door opened and Dong Wook walked in.
“Hey Jaejae, you alright?” he sat himself down on the floor, his back against the wall, facing the bath.
“Yes, sort of.” He decided his ex would be the right person to discuss his anxiety over the test result with.
“Dong Wook, you know I had to have blood tests, don’t you?” his friend nodded. “Well I have to get the results next week. What do I do about Yunho?”
Dong Wook needed up at the side of the bath so he was eye level with Jae. “What do you mean?”
“Well if it’s bad news I’ll have to go home. He won’t want me. I just don’t know how to handle it all” he felt like he was going to cry again.
“Jae, if it’s bad news you tell him. He loves you, he will stay by your side. We all will.”
“No Dong Wook…..he loved the pre - damaged Jae. You know…the one who wasn’t raped by some dirty pervert, who probably carries all sorts of filthy horrible diseases and viruses. The Jae that hasn’t had some dirty pervert inside him making him sore and dirty…….!” He was beginning to become hysterical “I can’t stand it! Why did he do this to me? Why me? Everything had just started to go right. It’s not fair! It’s not fucking fair!!!” his body shook violently as all the hurt and emotion poured out of him. His friend grabbed a towel and helped him out of the bath. “Come on Jae; let’s get you out of there.” His voice broke with emotion as he held his friend tight. “Let’s get you dry and get dressed. Do you want to go to bed? Do you want something to drink or some lunch? Dong Wook was flustered, he didn’t quite know how to handle his friends outpouring of emotion.
Jae sobbed loudly. “I don’t want to go to bed. I don’t want to eat. I just want to die! I can’t stand feeling like this. I just don’t know what to do!” His sobbing was not subsiding but getting louder.
“I’ll get Yunho. Come into the bedroom and I’ll fetch him for you.” He steered Jae to the bedroom and sat him on the bed.
“I don’t want Yunho! I don’t want anyone! I just want to die!!” he threw himself face down on the bed and just sobbed. His sobbing was so loud that he others heard it and rushed in. Dong Wook signaled the others to leave with him while Yunho sat next to Jae on the bed. When they were alone he lay next to his sobbing lover and held him close. He didn’t speak but just held him gently and let him cry. He closed his eyes in a vain attempt to stop his own tears but failed. They lay there for about an hour, not speaking, just crying. When Jae finally stopped Yunho tilted his head up so he could look into his eyes. He felt his heart break when he saw his lovers red eyes.
“Jae I can’t begin to know what you are feeling, all I know is it is bad. But anything you need from me, anything I can do for you, it’s yours.”
“Will you feel like that if I have HIV or hepatitis?” Jae’s voice had a sneer to it.
“I’ll feel like this no matter what.” He was still looking into his lover’s eyes and he could see bitterness starting to appear. Oh please don’t let that bitterness be for me, he thought to himself.
“Yeah right!” Jae pulled away, Yunho immediately pulled him back.
“Look at me. Don’t think I will desert you. I’m in this for the long haul. I’m not some selfish bastard who would bail out at the first sign of difficulty. If you really love me you’ll know I’m much better than that!” He immediately regretted raising his voice. “I’m sorry baby. I didn’t mean to shout at you.” He whispered into his hair. “Jae, if you only realized how much I love you. I have never felt like this about anyone before. You’re special, you’re mine and I can’t stand the thought of what’s happened to you. If I could take away the pain I would. If I could carry it for you I would. The best I can do is be here for you and love you.” Jae realized his lover was crying so he reached up and kissed his tears.
Yunho smiled “Baby you’re here with me, sleeping in the same bed as me. You’re letting me hold you. Most people who have been through what you have can’t bear physical contact, even from their partner. That just shows what a strong person you are.”
“No Yunho that just shows how much I trust you. I know you and our friends would never hurt me. I don’t think I’m ready to be intimate but I know I need you to hold me.”
“I’ll wait until you are ready and I don’t care how long that is.” Yunho placed a gently kiss on his lovers head.
a/n- I’m sorry for the long time between updates. I have been so busy with work and family lately. I’m now in Korea for my summer job and apart from working hard at that I have no other distractions, so I will be able to update more often. I love your comments.