I dont want to deal with this vicious circle yet again
Does this circle ever end? Or does it end when all I am in complete misery and depression. I dont want to her about her EVER! I don't want to hear how you haven't felt the way you are in a long time, do you even think when you open your mouth and how much that hurts to hear to me? Do you even remember that that box you're using for that necklace to her was something that I gave you, of course not, you could probably careless. Every time you bring her up, thats when I start lying through my teeth, I can't stand it when you bring her up, it really fucking hurts. You make me believe that its as if I was nothing to you compared to her, which I might have been from the shit I read that you write, but that doesn't mean I want to know about it, I don't want to remember how much I fucked up, how I ruined that best thing that could have happened to me. Don't drop the hints that you still like me anymore, they seem to just tear me apart in the end, that glimmer of hope I stupidly fall for it yet again, just like all the times before. So when will that vicious circle end? When will I stop falling for those same old things? You get pissed that my sister and Roy want to kill you the fact simply for that is because they hate seeing me cry, they hate seeing me this fucked up, every person who has ever made me cry they hold a hatred for them simply because they are the very few who actually give a fuck when I start to cry, they know if I start crying its for a good reason and they hate seeing me in that much pain. So I guess in a way they hate you because they care about me, and about how just hearing about you and her tears me apart, hell so do those simple hints. I say everythings ok when its not, I lie to you because I'm not sure I even want you to care about me anymore, when you talk about her, thats when I wish you wouldn't care or talk to to me, thats when I wish I can just die in a ditch, you have no idea how much pain I go through just because I hear about, its for many reasons, the main one being how every time you say something about her all I can help to think about was 'I had that, I had all of that with you...' Im gonna stop typing this before I start to say things I won't mean to..