Letting the Inner Child Out
so i remember being bottled up for years, filtered with a void that I could not or did know how to handle. I remember Shirley once said to me, you were like a 5 year old trapped in a 19 year old body. I truly know now what that meant. I am reading this book right now, about an incest survivor, yes I am one. Hard to believe, but it is the truth.... Though at times I do get scarred like im 8 years old feeling helpess, abandoned and not loved, I know its not true, you see my first sexual experience was with my protector, someone who I thought was supposed to protect me and all I ever gave him was my unconditional love and in return he used that against me. I hate the fact that he stole my innocence away from me and took my soul ,my youth, the fact that I was a child and used that for his sexual fantasies. I remember during the night he would come in my bedroom to lay with me, putting his hands on my body, fingering me, going down on me and me just tighting up, not knowing what was going on with the feelings I was experiencing. for 4 years this occurred and he blames me for it As I got older, I just shut down, blocking out every bad experience (or supressing it) reading this book, i understand why I act the way I do sometimes, my inner child does not trust the big bad wolf and even though I may be the bigger person, I hate him.......