Res-erecting The Dead
“There are two kinds of people in the world. Elvis people and Beatles people. Now Elvis people can like the Beatles, and Beatles people can like Elvis, but nobody likes them both equally.” - Mia Wallace, deleted Pulp Fiction scene.
I think it’s safe to say that the ad people who came up with the new viagra cialis online pharmacy pharmacy commercial are Beatles people, because Elvis people wouldn’t have dared ruin his beloved song “Viva Las Vegas.”
The new ad shows a group of special E.D. guys playing with their geetars and singing about their boner pills in a love shack. Their upbeat tempo seems more like they’re on happy pills than Viagra. And, of course, they seem oblivious to the irony of using a song by someone who overdosed and died from prescription drugs. - I’m sure if the blue pill was available in 1977, Elvis would have been found dead and bloated on the can with raging hard-on. The dude was a walking pharmacy when he kicked the bucket of chicken. TCB, RIP.
This has got to be the most unintentional, creepiest commercial I’ve seen in a while. If you haven’t caught it, here are the lyrics:
Got me a honey gonna set my soul
Gonna set my soul on fire
At the end of the day I’m not a guy who’ll stray cause she’s my heart’s desire
Now this lonesome toad is sick of the road I can’t wait, I can’t wait to go home
Viva Viagra! Viva Viagra! Viva Viagra!
So basically, Viagra’s (tent) pitchmen are wholesome, monogamous men who only sprout medically-induced wood for their wives. Well I call that dishonesty in advertising. The real Viagra poppers are recreational users. Rather than the fantasy baseball club guys crooning about poonin’, the commercials should show another group of middle-aged men, a group of dance club-scrounging, shiny shirt-wearing, Red Bull-chugging, bad come-on lines-spewing, turds who use Viagra to compensate for old age and cocaine side effects. And with them in mind, I’ve taken the liberty of Weird Al-izing The King’s tune myself. Enjoy!
Black light ‘n’ roofie gonna set my pole
Gonna set my pole on fire
Got a pain in my wang that’s starting to burn
So I’m a trick looking for a girl to hire
There’s a thousand pretty women waitin’ out there
And they’re all itchin’ with no health care
And I’m just a dick with pills to spare
Viva Viagra, Viva Viagra, Viva Viagra!