Být nebo nebýt v Praze...to je otázka!
Hats off to Comrade Smith, as Moskva cut gaz to Praha and Europe in general this winter to warm it's own feet, but it was still pretty cold here too. You know it's cold when you can still see your breath at the bottom of the 200-yard long escalator going into the subway. I also try to avoid wearing long underwear, but I had them on straight from around Thanksgiving to just before March.
Going back a bit, I am working for the largest language school in Prague, which goes by the name of "The Caledonian School." My teaching has been called into question by the school. Most of my classes were outside the city at a factory that made instant soup products, mostly. The company name was Vitana and going out there involved being on a bus for about 3 hours a day (round trip) 3 times a week. As you could imagine, this blissful ride through the country had soured by the 3rd week when I had memorized every ditch.
Well, some of the students complained that they couldn't understand my "accent" and that my lessons don't make sense. The accent thing pissed me off immensely, because I go to some lengths to ensure that I am speaking perfect newscaster English when I am in class, and my annunciation has been praised continuously since the beginning of my TEFL training. Obviously, the school had to respond and I was observed. My lesson was branded "below-average" and I was given a month to shape up. Again my accent was gouged, but this time by the observer…a non-native speaking German, which didn't sit well with me. I thought the criticism of my lesson, however, was helpful, and I also thought that I was doing better. Well, apparently not. The second observation was also branded "below average" and I was removed from teaching at that company. Needless to say, my confidence is somewhat shaken. However, I must qualify all of this.
Skip these next paragraphs if you don't really care about the intricacies of teaching English in companies in the Czech Republic. Understand that most of the people at Vitana speak English for 2 hours a week when they have class. For those of you with foreign language learning experience, you are aware that this is an inadequate period of time to learn a language. Further, they don't live in Prague, so have little to no exposure to the language outside of class. Lastly, the classes are only one hour, so by the time the students get going, the lesson is over. They come late, so what is already a short hour is even shorter.
Now I am not trying to pin this all on the students, necessarily. They come late not out of disrespect, but because they have work to do. I think that both they and the teacher are put in an untenable situation.
The other problem was that these people were clearly "passed on" into levels where the material I was supposed to pitch, because they will ultimately be tested on it, was hopelessly over their heads. I had a woman in an Advanced Intermediate class (think roughly her sixth "semester" of English) who I swear to you, never uttered a complete sentence. Even when I fed her the sentence, she would drop a word. How does she get into that level? I'll tell you how. The school doesn't want to hold students back because it implies that the teaching is inadequate. The company doesn't want to because they don't want to pay for what they consider a redundant course, and it also admits that the employees don't have enough exposure to English to really get it. The teacher doesn't want to criticize the students too much because it makes the previous teacher look bad. The students want to move up because that's what's expected. I think this was an extreme case of this phenomenon, but I believe it's fairly widespread. I wish the teacher who is replacing me all the best, but I am expecting a "what the fuck" email from her on Wednesday, after her first classes. Meanwhile I will be given new classes to replace these.
My other students are better, and have not complained, so I am trying to focus on that. By far my favorite student is a famous Czech musician who is married to a famous Czech actress. Mira (Miroslav) is a rock star, plain and simple, and had he been born in the west, would certainly be moderately well known. He is a big fish in what is a small Czech pool of celebrities, and I am becoming more of a fixture in his crew. I go to see his bands and was entertaining some of the English guests at his birthday party back in December. He just gets a kick out of me and has taken to calling me "Tuuch." In some way, I think he wants me around almost as a status symbol, like a jester, or a wind-up-toy or something. "Look at my tippling American English Teacher. Lets give him some Fernet and another beer and see if he will start speaking Czech again." A joy to teach, however, and he got me a Kabat autograph, which was amusing.
I have 2 other one-on-ones right now, both of whom are easy to deal with, but certainly don't bring the hurricane of charisma that Mira does. I have a class at a music/sound center but it's hard to get much out of them since we only meet for 1 hour a week.
I on the other hand, began taking Czech classes recently. I don't think the language is as inaccessible as people would have you believe. There are some remarkable similarities to other languages. I can carry on a very basic conversation, and I understand and can use numbers now with little effort. It's a good feeling to get through a meal without using any English. The funny thing is though that sometimes Czechs just can't understand you because they have no concept of how to deal with their own language being spoken with an accent, since that is so rare.
One thing I won't miss about my dismissal from Vitana is that bus driver from Melnik to the factory. My arch nemesis, Jozef Finkous. This motherfucker seems to stop wherever he wants in the general area of the bus stop (never the same place twice). The problem is that if you are not quick enough to get to the front door of the bus within seconds, he will leave you. I've seen him leave old women, teenagers, grown men, and of course, he left me twice. Finkous has a personal vendetta against me ever since I gave him a 50 kc bill for a 12 kc fare (this is not an unreasonable thing to do). Excessive yes, but sometimes even with the best planning you don't have the change.
It's amazing how much you can understand when someone curses you out in contempt and the only thing you hear is "Je do perdele XVXVXVX te vole XVXVXVXVXV hovno." Not exactly Masaryk's Czech. What's more amazing is how wide his eyes open when in a non-confrontational country you get the finger pointing in his face and all he hears is "Fuck VXVXV shit XVXVXV fuckin XVXVXVXVX BANK". I didn't realize it until later on too that if you didn't give him exact change, he would short you in the change he returned to you. Miserable bastid.
Czechs love Christmas, and stalls were set up all over the city selling gifts and food. I made it my personal mission to sample all the "trdelnik" I could. This is dough fired on a roller over an open flame and coated in sugar. Damn good and I had enough to know that the best one came from the stall right near my house. The strangest of all the Czech Christmas customs is that they have large tanks set up in the street starting about the week before the holiday which are laden with carp. Czech carp isn't the muddy mess that it usually is. It's fried and made into soup for the Christmas Eve meal. Normal enough, but the weird thing is that the fish is netted, weighed, and then as children watch in fascination/horror the fishmonger crushes its skull right there in the open. "Vesele Vanoce," SPLAT. I don't know about you, but when I was a child, I don't know how well I would have taken that.
It was good to get home for Christmas. I kept a frantic pace to try and see everyone, but I know that was not possible. Any chance of it being easier was marred by the fact that, of course, I had to land during the first NYC mass transit strike in 30 years. I got to Murphy's Xmas eve bash and so Heather and Brian and the kids, and also made a sojourn to Boston, which was pretty effective. A week and half is not really a long time though, and I left exhausted.
After New Year's, which I spent on a plane (they didn't even crack a bottle of champagne, which I found somewhat disappointing) Surjeet came to visit. It was a good trip mostly, with mojitos and beer aplenty, but things came to a head when her friends' tail-chasing endeavors failed and Surjeet was inadvertently pushed by one of them as a result. Needless to say, I was not pleased. Luckily, she was able to put it behind her (better than I was) and enjoy the rest of the trip. This included the now familiar Saturday afternoon sessions at Ian and Jason's house, which was a great time. Surjeet saw pretty readily the appeal of Prague, and it's always nice when someone comes out in favor of the place you live.
Valentine's day was a non-event, which I was grateful for. Hallmark has a weak grip on the market here, and Czechs are too busy actually fucking to get swept up in the hype, so I easily forgot the day. Desha was here visiting me, and it got mentioned briefly some drinks into the night, but that was all. This was of course, after she left NYC in the biggest blizzard of the last 30 years. She shopped her way through the week, but we had a blast, from the Hell Bar to some of my favorite Czech places and on to pub night and dancing and Nebe, which is hit or miss; hit on this occasion. Melissa and Desha got to meet a good chunk of my friends here, and watched me take a dive here and there in my exuberance, so I'd say all went well. They stayed in a fancy place the last night, so I joined them, which was a treat for me because the hotel was all Art Nouveau, which I adore.
Just as I recovered from Desha's visit, my folks arrived, and I have to say, acquitted themselves rather well. There was some initial confusion about booking a hotel. I told my father I would get them a hotel, and had I ever not done something I said I would, I could understand the following. I checked my email on a Saturday morning at least a week and a half before their arrival. There was an email from Thursday with Dad asking me about a particular hotel. This was followed immediately by a Friday email informing me that this had in fact been booked. Why ask if you aren't going to wait for a response? And of course he picked a hotel in the one part of town I would have said not to stay in. Then, the first day they were out and about, I find out that they were wondering around Narodni Trida, which is the only other sceevats place in this city. Amazing. But they got through it, ate well, and met a few of my people here. Hopefully this will open the door to further European travel for them.
Their medal of honor in waiting, the women of the Czech Republic pressed on with their skirts through the dead of winter (which still, has not broken, by the way...a foot of snow a week ago). It is now relenting under what is already almost 12 hours of daylight.
How you still look good in overcoats and wool hats is beyond me, but the fuzzy knee-high boots that are vogue here certainly didn't hurt. To be fair, I thought women in Boston handled winter wear pretty well too, but the Czechs have it down to a science.
Luckily as I begin to understand their modus operandi, they hardly seem as cold as the weather in this fucking icebox. I know that it's no secret that one of the reasons I came here was for the women, and I find it heartening that this part of my life here is beginning to take on some crude form. Of course, in the tragicomedy that is my existence, it is happening as my career is tanking, thereby putting my whole reason de etre for being here at risk.
This remains a mystery, though the more that I find out the harder it is to generalize. This student whose number I had gotten finally slipped it into the conversation with an American-style oblique reference that she has a boyfriend (shocker, as Erich would say). At least it shows she was 1) paying attention and 2) understood when I discussed with her about how American girls operate. However, I really believe that Czech girls just don't make friends with boys so chalk that up to a dead end. Realistically, even if they did, cold-befriending a girl with a boyfriend is always kind of tough. I also think many Czech girls whither and die if they don't have a boyfriend from pre-adolescence until marriage. This is evidenced by the fact that they often have a new one lined up before the old one's ass hits the curb. So if a Czech girl gets dumped and doesn't have a new partner in 2 weeks she turns back to dust, leaving only (theoretically) unavailable women walking the streets. It is only very recently that I have met some Czech women who are single.
Unlike the US, where you assume people are unattached until they tell you otherwise, I have begun assuming that every Petra has a Pavel, until I find one that doesn't, and more importantly, figure out an effective method for ascertaining that this is the case. I haven't developed this technique, as yet. They often don't mention it at all, and you end up finding out in a round about manner, or not at all, and are left baffled after a woman who talked to you for 2 hours just disappears. Are they just that polite, or do they like you and just don't want to put you off by telling you about their man? Fuck if I know. You may have gathered this has happened to me several times.
I also don't know if this is much of a pick-up culture, which may be part of the problem. By that I mean that you meet someone that you have no social connection to and something comes of it. Ex-pats stories and travelers accounts would have you believe that you have to be an idiot not to have some success here, but I don't buy it because no one I know has exactly been cleaning up. Not even Surjeet's legendary player friend could get it done in a week, which I think speaks volumes, and quite frankly, I found a to be a validating turn of events. A few of us have begun to make inroads, but nothing of note as yet. Anything positive for me has come from girls who know someone I know, in at least a cursory fashion. Nothing wrong with that, right? Now that I have actually met some Czechs that have given me a response, I feel much better about the whole affair
As alluded to above, though in theory monogamous, the word on the street is that women's cheating is taken pretty lightly here, or it's at least taken lightly by them. I don't mean to say it is "open" in the sense that it's acceptable, but it does happen with some frequency, it seems. We were teasing one girl about when she was going to get married, as her boyfriend had been with her for years and she was in her early 30's, which is getting late here. She replied that she was in no rush, "because I like being free." Mark and I shot a look to one another that said, 'What the fuck does that mean?' Well we quickly changed the subject because even as the režany (Czech black and tan) haze descended upon us, we could see a cross-cultural collision in the making. With our few inroads into the Czech world, we can't afford to hurl slings and arrows from our respective ivory towers of morality at those people with whom alliances are to be forged.
At any rate, this frivolous attitude may stem from the fact that since they always seem to have a partner, I don't know how seriously most Czechs take having a partner. I think that since there is always someone around, it devalues their relationships in some way. Therefore, cheating is less of a big deal. Just my theory. If these girls are actually cheating (and it is if, because this is all talk, really), however, it's not with anyone in my crew, that's for sure.
I don't know where the men stand in all this. I don't know what their attitude about women's "openness" is, and I don't know about how faithful they are. Obviously, that's not the thrust of my research, and is not much of concern for me. I will say that I doubt Honza sits around the hospoda playing the fool while Vendula is out fooling around. Czech dudes blanketly seem too nice or at least non-abrasive to be real dicks to their girlfriends, but I've heard that the women here receive comparatively shabby treatment, which also may drive them into the arms of others. Nothing like Russia, but not the US ideal either.
I think I am further handicapped in this environment because by the time a Czech girl has enough English to talk to you, she has probably had more than enough teachers to know that this is a transitory profession. Could be that we are not seen as being worth investing precious time in, though some, thankfully, have been going out on a limb in this regard, lately.
Mark pointed something else that may be retarding my progress. At our weekly pub night, among the women in attendance there is usually a doctor, a lawyer, an architect, an stock broker, a logistics agent and a Ph.D. student...in what I can only guess would be dubbed industrial agricultural botany, based on her vivid description (which incidentally was given in Spanish, since her Spanish is as good as her English). As a US dude, you have to take a step back and say, "Whoa...I'm not used to this." As liberal as I (we) may be, women being in these positions still seems a little unusual to me. If there are positive legacies of communism here they are the Metro, and women's rights. I think these career types, though not at all feminist (read: pretending to be men while shunning all that is natural about being a woman) like their counterparts in the US, in some way see us TEFL people as if not inferior, then maybe not on par with themselves. Maybe rightfully so...these girls are like 25-29 and are doing pretty well for themselves. The flip side of this is that all the working class girls who don't deal with English on a daily basis can't carry on a conversation with you. You'd be amazed how far your wretched Czech can take you if one of these girls thinks you're cute, but obviously there is a limit to be reached.
So you see, the solution is simple for me: I must stay here for a long time, and learn to speak fluent Czech, so I have access to everyone. That's all.
If this fucking woman next to me types Euro style for a minute longer with her deafening hunt and peck I will kill her. Did you know that? From secretaries to doctors, from Croatia to Scotland, Europeans cannot type. It drives me nuts. The noise of a whole arm hammering down its full weight on one finger is enough to snap your last nerve. This, econ majors, is the only reason the US is more "efficient." Keyboard
repair is down, and speed is up up up!
I have been here long enough now to give you all my impressions of what the natives think of the foreigners here, because though quite homogenous, there are some fault lines in the Czech Republic. Blacks and gypsies are regarded as suspicious. Most are. Sorry, it's true. The reasons these people are poor and desperate are complex and I don't feel good about it, but the truth is my contact with gypsies has been entirely negative, so I stay clear. Africans haven't had time to earn real contempt. Most who have obvious employment here (if not, they seem to be kind of just hanging out) are on the street hawking sports bars, concerts or strip clubs, which gives them little credibility or an opportunity to prove themselves as a reliable work force.
Gypsies in particular are despised, and regarded as useless drains on society. Many keep this attitude to themselves, but I think it's pervasive among all but the most liberal of Czechs. While all but the tiniest fraction Czechs would not condone harming them physically, I'm going to say that if the Nazis would have finished the job and gotten all the blood on their hands, the Czechs wouldn't have wept too badly over it.
Not having been to Russia, I can't really comment on what "Eurasian" is, but I wouldn't go looking for it in Prague, unless it's bottle blondes and high cheekbones. You're talking about the 4th biggest tourist destination in Europe which is further west than Vienna in a country that's 60% atheist which writes in a Romance script and whose people are much more likely to go to Croatia or Greece than the Crimea for their "holiday." Communism here is regarded with about the same distance that the Spanish regard the Franco era...remarkable because it was longer and ended 16 years afterward. I think mostly that's because many never bought it in the first place, not least after 1968.
Czechs blanketly dislike Russians. They regard Communism as something of a homegrown error, but fully believe Russians helped it along and that the worst of it was in the 20 years after 1968 when Russian-tainted hard-liners made life miserable. Remember that the history between Russia and CZ really only goes back to 1916, with the creation of the Czechoslovak legion under the Tsar's auspices. Russians were liberators in 1945, but marred their victory with wanton drunkenness and the occasional rape. Nothing like the mass rape perpetuated in Germany, but I don't know anyone who likes the idea of a bolshoi raping his daughter, sister, girlfriend, etc.
Pouring sugar on this pretty picture is that fact that many of the organized crime syndicates here have
Russian names post-1989. Russian mafiosos have little pull here compared to their brethren at home. They
operate on the fringes in fringe industries, like smuggling, gambling, and sex. As Sam Giancana once said, "We can't operate in places where the public really is against us." That seems to be the case here. They make a convenient scapegoat, but are still dangerous and the Czech government has made several (unsuccessful) attempts to dislodge them.
I perceive a silent but clearly smug satisfaction that Czechs are becoming an economic powerhouse, drawing off tech jobs from Germany and registering 9 HIV cases a year while Russia wallows in the mire economically and the Ukraine is becoming the Eurasian India. Czechs make no distinction between Great Russians, BeloRussians, and Ukrainians. These people fill the void in the workforce occupied by Hispanic immigrants in the US.
It shows in interpersonal relations. I have watched students treat a Hungarian or Pole as an equal in class. However, when one of the Russkies doesn't get something, the explanation from the alpha-student (every class has one...a student you let explain things for you in the learner's language, and they're usually from Moravia, for some reason) is much more terse than it otherwise would be.
This place was wrapped up with Germany and Austria for too long a time for it all to have faded. The old ties are obvious from the many Slavicized German names here. Older Czechs tend to resent Germans, which I think stems from historical knowledge and having that language forced on them. It's understandable, I think. No one likes to talk about the Sudetenland, (where after WWII the Czechoslovaks forcibly deported something like 2 million Germans who could not prove their loyalty to the pre-war republic), but it comes up once in a while. As part of an EU thing, they are denominating origins of products as sacrosanct and some Germans tried to claim the patent for, get this, "Czech Spa Wafers." Hello?!?!? Their argument was that the originator of the tradition was Sudeten Germans and that now they should get the patent and blah blah. Well they had no proof of this and lost the suit, but the point is it's still an issue. Germans are edged out by the English, Americans, and Australians to be the 4th most despised tourist group.
The Chinese/Vietnamese are regarded as harmless and run almost every vegetable stand. I blame them for trying to unload their crappy produce, and praise them for pineapple. When ever I find a Czech-run vegetable hawker the quality is mysteriously higher, though that's not to say there aren't a good number of decent Asian ones as well. Vietnamese (Chinese too) are made fun of for their horrendous Czech, but by and large however, these people are not too bad off here.
The Nazis were particularly thorough with the Jews. They are virtually nonexistent, to the point that I couldn't even comment on Czech attitudes toward them, let alone say that I've met one. Jan Saudek is loved and hated for his art...not because of his heritage.
Slovaks, far and away the largest minority in CZ (with over 200,000 in Prague alone) are regarded (rightfully) as industrious, but drunk (hello, pot, this is the kettle...you're black). Either way, they are sort of "little brothers," to the Czechs and the countries may have a separate currency and government but they are by far each other's largest trading partners, and though diminishing, many old links abound. Well, think about it...your aunt from 16 years ago is still your aunt, right? Even if she lives in California. Slovakia feeds a good portion of CZ, and CZ provides (though with stiff competition with its own youth) work for many Slovaks. Many Czechs resent that Slovaks are so easily able to obtain precious jobs here. And the truth is that so many Slovaks leave for the CZ that there is a joke for young adults in Slovakia that goes, "If you are the last one out, turn off the lights."
The older generation has not forgotten that the French and English threw them to the wolves. Despite this, Czechs admire the British, by and large. Though the latter's attempts through its prestigious Council to make British English the standard here are to my mind, the vain grasping of a once great imperial power. 6 times as many people in the world speak US English, and because of that, it should be the standard. If you can imagine this, students in the first few stages of learning English have trouble distinguishing between British and American accents. I don't think the Czechs have a real preference, but I know that they find American English easier to pronounce because the sounds are more similar their own, while British English is somehow more prestigious. I snickered during the Olympics as the announcements were made in turn in Italian, American, and French. How burnt the Brits must have been that the frogs got on the bandwagon while they were left out in the cold!
While generally admired, there is a stratum of UK society which has earned special contempt among the Czechs (and the rest of us). It's an ugly blight on British culture known as the "stag party." Picture a bunch of at least 4 overweight, loud, foul-mouthed frat boys re-uniting for a weekend of drinking and debauchery (fist attempted, and ultimately paid for) in Prague. It's amusing to watch a blubbering lymie in a T-shirt try to pick up a beautiful young blond in one of the classier bars in Prague. As you can imagine, they are having none of it. Some Prague cocktail bars have actually posted a "No Stag Parties" sign in their window. This makes British people shudder the same way I do when I hear the obligatory American girl with her nasally "Like we like were like by the like Old Town like Square...," slicing through the air as does a knife through butter.
Many younger Czechs are falling out of these prejudicial patterns, good and bad. They grew up without compulsory Russian, don't remember Communism, and Germans nowadays are usually obnoxious in English like everyone else, so they don't earn special contempt. Slovak is no longer any more readily comprehensible to many young Czechs, as they have not been exposed to it continuously, if at all, depending on their age.
One Prague fact for you to ponder. In a city of 1.2 million, there was one, yes one gun murder last year. What are we doing wrong, or what are they doing right?
Mystery of the dog muzzle solved. Apparently there is a meter, and if the muzzle maid finds that your dog's snout doesn't fit in the meter, you receive a fine. Quite a site.
I feel very weird today. A friend of mine was forced to leave for family reasons yesterday, and it made me think of how tenuous our positions in life really are. I am in a strange place, just hitting my stride socially, loosing my grip professionally, and no closer to an answer as to what I'm doing at the end of June than I was some time ago. I'd like to be here for a while. I just need to get over this hump with work, and plan my summer. Myles arrives on Friday, which is awesome; but quite frankly, I will be getting visited-out. All are welcome, but please be sure to consult me with times if you are seriously considering a trip. At some point you should all say fuck you to Dr. Atkins and try my beer and dumpling diet, through which I have lost the "some kilos" Pane Doktor Pavlata reccommended. However, right now, I need a while without visitors. I wish you all such problems.
If any of you Czechs read this, please feel free to crush or agree with my assertations regarding "vaš vlast."
Going back a bit, I am working for the largest language school in Prague, which goes by the name of "The Caledonian School." My teaching has been called into question by the school. Most of my classes were outside the city at a factory that made instant soup products, mostly. The company name was Vitana and going out there involved being on a bus for about 3 hours a day (round trip) 3 times a week. As you could imagine, this blissful ride through the country had soured by the 3rd week when I had memorized every ditch.
Well, some of the students complained that they couldn't understand my "accent" and that my lessons don't make sense. The accent thing pissed me off immensely, because I go to some lengths to ensure that I am speaking perfect newscaster English when I am in class, and my annunciation has been praised continuously since the beginning of my TEFL training. Obviously, the school had to respond and I was observed. My lesson was branded "below-average" and I was given a month to shape up. Again my accent was gouged, but this time by the observer…a non-native speaking German, which didn't sit well with me. I thought the criticism of my lesson, however, was helpful, and I also thought that I was doing better. Well, apparently not. The second observation was also branded "below average" and I was removed from teaching at that company. Needless to say, my confidence is somewhat shaken. However, I must qualify all of this.
Skip these next paragraphs if you don't really care about the intricacies of teaching English in companies in the Czech Republic. Understand that most of the people at Vitana speak English for 2 hours a week when they have class. For those of you with foreign language learning experience, you are aware that this is an inadequate period of time to learn a language. Further, they don't live in Prague, so have little to no exposure to the language outside of class. Lastly, the classes are only one hour, so by the time the students get going, the lesson is over. They come late, so what is already a short hour is even shorter.
Now I am not trying to pin this all on the students, necessarily. They come late not out of disrespect, but because they have work to do. I think that both they and the teacher are put in an untenable situation.
The other problem was that these people were clearly "passed on" into levels where the material I was supposed to pitch, because they will ultimately be tested on it, was hopelessly over their heads. I had a woman in an Advanced Intermediate class (think roughly her sixth "semester" of English) who I swear to you, never uttered a complete sentence. Even when I fed her the sentence, she would drop a word. How does she get into that level? I'll tell you how. The school doesn't want to hold students back because it implies that the teaching is inadequate. The company doesn't want to because they don't want to pay for what they consider a redundant course, and it also admits that the employees don't have enough exposure to English to really get it. The teacher doesn't want to criticize the students too much because it makes the previous teacher look bad. The students want to move up because that's what's expected. I think this was an extreme case of this phenomenon, but I believe it's fairly widespread. I wish the teacher who is replacing me all the best, but I am expecting a "what the fuck" email from her on Wednesday, after her first classes. Meanwhile I will be given new classes to replace these.
My other students are better, and have not complained, so I am trying to focus on that. By far my favorite student is a famous Czech musician who is married to a famous Czech actress. Mira (Miroslav) is a rock star, plain and simple, and had he been born in the west, would certainly be moderately well known. He is a big fish in what is a small Czech pool of celebrities, and I am becoming more of a fixture in his crew. I go to see his bands and was entertaining some of the English guests at his birthday party back in December. He just gets a kick out of me and has taken to calling me "Tuuch." In some way, I think he wants me around almost as a status symbol, like a jester, or a wind-up-toy or something. "Look at my tippling American English Teacher. Lets give him some Fernet and another beer and see if he will start speaking Czech again." A joy to teach, however, and he got me a Kabat autograph, which was amusing.
I have 2 other one-on-ones right now, both of whom are easy to deal with, but certainly don't bring the hurricane of charisma that Mira does. I have a class at a music/sound center but it's hard to get much out of them since we only meet for 1 hour a week.
I on the other hand, began taking Czech classes recently. I don't think the language is as inaccessible as people would have you believe. There are some remarkable similarities to other languages. I can carry on a very basic conversation, and I understand and can use numbers now with little effort. It's a good feeling to get through a meal without using any English. The funny thing is though that sometimes Czechs just can't understand you because they have no concept of how to deal with their own language being spoken with an accent, since that is so rare.
One thing I won't miss about my dismissal from Vitana is that bus driver from Melnik to the factory. My arch nemesis, Jozef Finkous. This motherfucker seems to stop wherever he wants in the general area of the bus stop (never the same place twice). The problem is that if you are not quick enough to get to the front door of the bus within seconds, he will leave you. I've seen him leave old women, teenagers, grown men, and of course, he left me twice. Finkous has a personal vendetta against me ever since I gave him a 50 kc bill for a 12 kc fare (this is not an unreasonable thing to do). Excessive yes, but sometimes even with the best planning you don't have the change.
It's amazing how much you can understand when someone curses you out in contempt and the only thing you hear is "Je do perdele XVXVXVX te vole XVXVXVXVXV hovno." Not exactly Masaryk's Czech. What's more amazing is how wide his eyes open when in a non-confrontational country you get the finger pointing in his face and all he hears is "Fuck VXVXV shit XVXVXV fuckin XVXVXVXVX BANK". I didn't realize it until later on too that if you didn't give him exact change, he would short you in the change he returned to you. Miserable bastid.
Czechs love Christmas, and stalls were set up all over the city selling gifts and food. I made it my personal mission to sample all the "trdelnik" I could. This is dough fired on a roller over an open flame and coated in sugar. Damn good and I had enough to know that the best one came from the stall right near my house. The strangest of all the Czech Christmas customs is that they have large tanks set up in the street starting about the week before the holiday which are laden with carp. Czech carp isn't the muddy mess that it usually is. It's fried and made into soup for the Christmas Eve meal. Normal enough, but the weird thing is that the fish is netted, weighed, and then as children watch in fascination/horror the fishmonger crushes its skull right there in the open. "Vesele Vanoce," SPLAT. I don't know about you, but when I was a child, I don't know how well I would have taken that.
It was good to get home for Christmas. I kept a frantic pace to try and see everyone, but I know that was not possible. Any chance of it being easier was marred by the fact that, of course, I had to land during the first NYC mass transit strike in 30 years. I got to Murphy's Xmas eve bash and so Heather and Brian and the kids, and also made a sojourn to Boston, which was pretty effective. A week and half is not really a long time though, and I left exhausted.
After New Year's, which I spent on a plane (they didn't even crack a bottle of champagne, which I found somewhat disappointing) Surjeet came to visit. It was a good trip mostly, with mojitos and beer aplenty, but things came to a head when her friends' tail-chasing endeavors failed and Surjeet was inadvertently pushed by one of them as a result. Needless to say, I was not pleased. Luckily, she was able to put it behind her (better than I was) and enjoy the rest of the trip. This included the now familiar Saturday afternoon sessions at Ian and Jason's house, which was a great time. Surjeet saw pretty readily the appeal of Prague, and it's always nice when someone comes out in favor of the place you live.
Valentine's day was a non-event, which I was grateful for. Hallmark has a weak grip on the market here, and Czechs are too busy actually fucking to get swept up in the hype, so I easily forgot the day. Desha was here visiting me, and it got mentioned briefly some drinks into the night, but that was all. This was of course, after she left NYC in the biggest blizzard of the last 30 years. She shopped her way through the week, but we had a blast, from the Hell Bar to some of my favorite Czech places and on to pub night and dancing and Nebe, which is hit or miss; hit on this occasion. Melissa and Desha got to meet a good chunk of my friends here, and watched me take a dive here and there in my exuberance, so I'd say all went well. They stayed in a fancy place the last night, so I joined them, which was a treat for me because the hotel was all Art Nouveau, which I adore.
Just as I recovered from Desha's visit, my folks arrived, and I have to say, acquitted themselves rather well. There was some initial confusion about booking a hotel. I told my father I would get them a hotel, and had I ever not done something I said I would, I could understand the following. I checked my email on a Saturday morning at least a week and a half before their arrival. There was an email from Thursday with Dad asking me about a particular hotel. This was followed immediately by a Friday email informing me that this had in fact been booked. Why ask if you aren't going to wait for a response? And of course he picked a hotel in the one part of town I would have said not to stay in. Then, the first day they were out and about, I find out that they were wondering around Narodni Trida, which is the only other sceevats place in this city. Amazing. But they got through it, ate well, and met a few of my people here. Hopefully this will open the door to further European travel for them.
Their medal of honor in waiting, the women of the Czech Republic pressed on with their skirts through the dead of winter (which still, has not broken, by the way...a foot of snow a week ago). It is now relenting under what is already almost 12 hours of daylight.
How you still look good in overcoats and wool hats is beyond me, but the fuzzy knee-high boots that are vogue here certainly didn't hurt. To be fair, I thought women in Boston handled winter wear pretty well too, but the Czechs have it down to a science.
Luckily as I begin to understand their modus operandi, they hardly seem as cold as the weather in this fucking icebox. I know that it's no secret that one of the reasons I came here was for the women, and I find it heartening that this part of my life here is beginning to take on some crude form. Of course, in the tragicomedy that is my existence, it is happening as my career is tanking, thereby putting my whole reason de etre for being here at risk.
This remains a mystery, though the more that I find out the harder it is to generalize. This student whose number I had gotten finally slipped it into the conversation with an American-style oblique reference that she has a boyfriend (shocker, as Erich would say). At least it shows she was 1) paying attention and 2) understood when I discussed with her about how American girls operate. However, I really believe that Czech girls just don't make friends with boys so chalk that up to a dead end. Realistically, even if they did, cold-befriending a girl with a boyfriend is always kind of tough. I also think many Czech girls whither and die if they don't have a boyfriend from pre-adolescence until marriage. This is evidenced by the fact that they often have a new one lined up before the old one's ass hits the curb. So if a Czech girl gets dumped and doesn't have a new partner in 2 weeks she turns back to dust, leaving only (theoretically) unavailable women walking the streets. It is only very recently that I have met some Czech women who are single.
Unlike the US, where you assume people are unattached until they tell you otherwise, I have begun assuming that every Petra has a Pavel, until I find one that doesn't, and more importantly, figure out an effective method for ascertaining that this is the case. I haven't developed this technique, as yet. They often don't mention it at all, and you end up finding out in a round about manner, or not at all, and are left baffled after a woman who talked to you for 2 hours just disappears. Are they just that polite, or do they like you and just don't want to put you off by telling you about their man? Fuck if I know. You may have gathered this has happened to me several times.
I also don't know if this is much of a pick-up culture, which may be part of the problem. By that I mean that you meet someone that you have no social connection to and something comes of it. Ex-pats stories and travelers accounts would have you believe that you have to be an idiot not to have some success here, but I don't buy it because no one I know has exactly been cleaning up. Not even Surjeet's legendary player friend could get it done in a week, which I think speaks volumes, and quite frankly, I found a to be a validating turn of events. A few of us have begun to make inroads, but nothing of note as yet. Anything positive for me has come from girls who know someone I know, in at least a cursory fashion. Nothing wrong with that, right? Now that I have actually met some Czechs that have given me a response, I feel much better about the whole affair
As alluded to above, though in theory monogamous, the word on the street is that women's cheating is taken pretty lightly here, or it's at least taken lightly by them. I don't mean to say it is "open" in the sense that it's acceptable, but it does happen with some frequency, it seems. We were teasing one girl about when she was going to get married, as her boyfriend had been with her for years and she was in her early 30's, which is getting late here. She replied that she was in no rush, "because I like being free." Mark and I shot a look to one another that said, 'What the fuck does that mean?' Well we quickly changed the subject because even as the režany (Czech black and tan) haze descended upon us, we could see a cross-cultural collision in the making. With our few inroads into the Czech world, we can't afford to hurl slings and arrows from our respective ivory towers of morality at those people with whom alliances are to be forged.
At any rate, this frivolous attitude may stem from the fact that since they always seem to have a partner, I don't know how seriously most Czechs take having a partner. I think that since there is always someone around, it devalues their relationships in some way. Therefore, cheating is less of a big deal. Just my theory. If these girls are actually cheating (and it is if, because this is all talk, really), however, it's not with anyone in my crew, that's for sure.
I don't know where the men stand in all this. I don't know what their attitude about women's "openness" is, and I don't know about how faithful they are. Obviously, that's not the thrust of my research, and is not much of concern for me. I will say that I doubt Honza sits around the hospoda playing the fool while Vendula is out fooling around. Czech dudes blanketly seem too nice or at least non-abrasive to be real dicks to their girlfriends, but I've heard that the women here receive comparatively shabby treatment, which also may drive them into the arms of others. Nothing like Russia, but not the US ideal either.
I think I am further handicapped in this environment because by the time a Czech girl has enough English to talk to you, she has probably had more than enough teachers to know that this is a transitory profession. Could be that we are not seen as being worth investing precious time in, though some, thankfully, have been going out on a limb in this regard, lately.
Mark pointed something else that may be retarding my progress. At our weekly pub night, among the women in attendance there is usually a doctor, a lawyer, an architect, an stock broker, a logistics agent and a Ph.D. student...in what I can only guess would be dubbed industrial agricultural botany, based on her vivid description (which incidentally was given in Spanish, since her Spanish is as good as her English). As a US dude, you have to take a step back and say, "Whoa...I'm not used to this." As liberal as I (we) may be, women being in these positions still seems a little unusual to me. If there are positive legacies of communism here they are the Metro, and women's rights. I think these career types, though not at all feminist (read: pretending to be men while shunning all that is natural about being a woman) like their counterparts in the US, in some way see us TEFL people as if not inferior, then maybe not on par with themselves. Maybe rightfully so...these girls are like 25-29 and are doing pretty well for themselves. The flip side of this is that all the working class girls who don't deal with English on a daily basis can't carry on a conversation with you. You'd be amazed how far your wretched Czech can take you if one of these girls thinks you're cute, but obviously there is a limit to be reached.
So you see, the solution is simple for me: I must stay here for a long time, and learn to speak fluent Czech, so I have access to everyone. That's all.
If this fucking woman next to me types Euro style for a minute longer with her deafening hunt and peck I will kill her. Did you know that? From secretaries to doctors, from Croatia to Scotland, Europeans cannot type. It drives me nuts. The noise of a whole arm hammering down its full weight on one finger is enough to snap your last nerve. This, econ majors, is the only reason the US is more "efficient." Keyboard
repair is down, and speed is up up up!
I have been here long enough now to give you all my impressions of what the natives think of the foreigners here, because though quite homogenous, there are some fault lines in the Czech Republic. Blacks and gypsies are regarded as suspicious. Most are. Sorry, it's true. The reasons these people are poor and desperate are complex and I don't feel good about it, but the truth is my contact with gypsies has been entirely negative, so I stay clear. Africans haven't had time to earn real contempt. Most who have obvious employment here (if not, they seem to be kind of just hanging out) are on the street hawking sports bars, concerts or strip clubs, which gives them little credibility or an opportunity to prove themselves as a reliable work force.
Gypsies in particular are despised, and regarded as useless drains on society. Many keep this attitude to themselves, but I think it's pervasive among all but the most liberal of Czechs. While all but the tiniest fraction Czechs would not condone harming them physically, I'm going to say that if the Nazis would have finished the job and gotten all the blood on their hands, the Czechs wouldn't have wept too badly over it.
Not having been to Russia, I can't really comment on what "Eurasian" is, but I wouldn't go looking for it in Prague, unless it's bottle blondes and high cheekbones. You're talking about the 4th biggest tourist destination in Europe which is further west than Vienna in a country that's 60% atheist which writes in a Romance script and whose people are much more likely to go to Croatia or Greece than the Crimea for their "holiday." Communism here is regarded with about the same distance that the Spanish regard the Franco era...remarkable because it was longer and ended 16 years afterward. I think mostly that's because many never bought it in the first place, not least after 1968.
Czechs blanketly dislike Russians. They regard Communism as something of a homegrown error, but fully believe Russians helped it along and that the worst of it was in the 20 years after 1968 when Russian-tainted hard-liners made life miserable. Remember that the history between Russia and CZ really only goes back to 1916, with the creation of the Czechoslovak legion under the Tsar's auspices. Russians were liberators in 1945, but marred their victory with wanton drunkenness and the occasional rape. Nothing like the mass rape perpetuated in Germany, but I don't know anyone who likes the idea of a bolshoi raping his daughter, sister, girlfriend, etc.
Pouring sugar on this pretty picture is that fact that many of the organized crime syndicates here have
Russian names post-1989. Russian mafiosos have little pull here compared to their brethren at home. They
operate on the fringes in fringe industries, like smuggling, gambling, and sex. As Sam Giancana once said, "We can't operate in places where the public really is against us." That seems to be the case here. They make a convenient scapegoat, but are still dangerous and the Czech government has made several (unsuccessful) attempts to dislodge them.
I perceive a silent but clearly smug satisfaction that Czechs are becoming an economic powerhouse, drawing off tech jobs from Germany and registering 9 HIV cases a year while Russia wallows in the mire economically and the Ukraine is becoming the Eurasian India. Czechs make no distinction between Great Russians, BeloRussians, and Ukrainians. These people fill the void in the workforce occupied by Hispanic immigrants in the US.
It shows in interpersonal relations. I have watched students treat a Hungarian or Pole as an equal in class. However, when one of the Russkies doesn't get something, the explanation from the alpha-student (every class has one...a student you let explain things for you in the learner's language, and they're usually from Moravia, for some reason) is much more terse than it otherwise would be.
This place was wrapped up with Germany and Austria for too long a time for it all to have faded. The old ties are obvious from the many Slavicized German names here. Older Czechs tend to resent Germans, which I think stems from historical knowledge and having that language forced on them. It's understandable, I think. No one likes to talk about the Sudetenland, (where after WWII the Czechoslovaks forcibly deported something like 2 million Germans who could not prove their loyalty to the pre-war republic), but it comes up once in a while. As part of an EU thing, they are denominating origins of products as sacrosanct and some Germans tried to claim the patent for, get this, "Czech Spa Wafers." Hello?!?!? Their argument was that the originator of the tradition was Sudeten Germans and that now they should get the patent and blah blah. Well they had no proof of this and lost the suit, but the point is it's still an issue. Germans are edged out by the English, Americans, and Australians to be the 4th most despised tourist group.
The Chinese/Vietnamese are regarded as harmless and run almost every vegetable stand. I blame them for trying to unload their crappy produce, and praise them for pineapple. When ever I find a Czech-run vegetable hawker the quality is mysteriously higher, though that's not to say there aren't a good number of decent Asian ones as well. Vietnamese (Chinese too) are made fun of for their horrendous Czech, but by and large however, these people are not too bad off here.
The Nazis were particularly thorough with the Jews. They are virtually nonexistent, to the point that I couldn't even comment on Czech attitudes toward them, let alone say that I've met one. Jan Saudek is loved and hated for his art...not because of his heritage.
Slovaks, far and away the largest minority in CZ (with over 200,000 in Prague alone) are regarded (rightfully) as industrious, but drunk (hello, pot, this is the kettle...you're black). Either way, they are sort of "little brothers," to the Czechs and the countries may have a separate currency and government but they are by far each other's largest trading partners, and though diminishing, many old links abound. Well, think about it...your aunt from 16 years ago is still your aunt, right? Even if she lives in California. Slovakia feeds a good portion of CZ, and CZ provides (though with stiff competition with its own youth) work for many Slovaks. Many Czechs resent that Slovaks are so easily able to obtain precious jobs here. And the truth is that so many Slovaks leave for the CZ that there is a joke for young adults in Slovakia that goes, "If you are the last one out, turn off the lights."
The older generation has not forgotten that the French and English threw them to the wolves. Despite this, Czechs admire the British, by and large. Though the latter's attempts through its prestigious Council to make British English the standard here are to my mind, the vain grasping of a once great imperial power. 6 times as many people in the world speak US English, and because of that, it should be the standard. If you can imagine this, students in the first few stages of learning English have trouble distinguishing between British and American accents. I don't think the Czechs have a real preference, but I know that they find American English easier to pronounce because the sounds are more similar their own, while British English is somehow more prestigious. I snickered during the Olympics as the announcements were made in turn in Italian, American, and French. How burnt the Brits must have been that the frogs got on the bandwagon while they were left out in the cold!
While generally admired, there is a stratum of UK society which has earned special contempt among the Czechs (and the rest of us). It's an ugly blight on British culture known as the "stag party." Picture a bunch of at least 4 overweight, loud, foul-mouthed frat boys re-uniting for a weekend of drinking and debauchery (fist attempted, and ultimately paid for) in Prague. It's amusing to watch a blubbering lymie in a T-shirt try to pick up a beautiful young blond in one of the classier bars in Prague. As you can imagine, they are having none of it. Some Prague cocktail bars have actually posted a "No Stag Parties" sign in their window. This makes British people shudder the same way I do when I hear the obligatory American girl with her nasally "Like we like were like by the like Old Town like Square...," slicing through the air as does a knife through butter.
Many younger Czechs are falling out of these prejudicial patterns, good and bad. They grew up without compulsory Russian, don't remember Communism, and Germans nowadays are usually obnoxious in English like everyone else, so they don't earn special contempt. Slovak is no longer any more readily comprehensible to many young Czechs, as they have not been exposed to it continuously, if at all, depending on their age.
One Prague fact for you to ponder. In a city of 1.2 million, there was one, yes one gun murder last year. What are we doing wrong, or what are they doing right?
Mystery of the dog muzzle solved. Apparently there is a meter, and if the muzzle maid finds that your dog's snout doesn't fit in the meter, you receive a fine. Quite a site.
I feel very weird today. A friend of mine was forced to leave for family reasons yesterday, and it made me think of how tenuous our positions in life really are. I am in a strange place, just hitting my stride socially, loosing my grip professionally, and no closer to an answer as to what I'm doing at the end of June than I was some time ago. I'd like to be here for a while. I just need to get over this hump with work, and plan my summer. Myles arrives on Friday, which is awesome; but quite frankly, I will be getting visited-out. All are welcome, but please be sure to consult me with times if you are seriously considering a trip. At some point you should all say fuck you to Dr. Atkins and try my beer and dumpling diet, through which I have lost the "some kilos" Pane Doktor Pavlata reccommended. However, right now, I need a while without visitors. I wish you all such problems.
If any of you Czechs read this, please feel free to crush or agree with my assertations regarding "vaš vlast."