7 years
My mom believes that your life changes every 7 years. I don't remember anything from when I was 7. I went to my first show when I was 14 which introduced me to Steve and colleen and created a life for me that I could only of imagined. now I'm 21 and over the past year, I've pretty much spent it alone in a big city. I've learned about myself to the point that, well I would like to forget some of the things I've learned. I've discovered that I'm bi-polar and that I have social anxiety disorder and am now on 7 pills a day.
On Febuary 25, the day after my 22 birthday, I will be returning to Spokane. I can not be here anymore, I never thought that I would say this but I am more unhappy then I ever was in Spokane because I have learned that where you live really doesn't matter but having friends does. I will be in Spokane from March to August saving up money and repairing any damage I have done to myself over the past year. Then, hopefully, me and Jamie will be on our way to Hawaii. I need some adventure back, badly.
In 13 days I will be single for the first time in 2 years. I don't know if I'll ever meet anyone who I love more then Zach and that's ok. I think I've experienced enough love to be satisfied for the next 40 years. I'm excited, for one that I've achieved the maturity to end a relationship because we both want different things. I might cry but I might not because Zach will always be one of my best friends, I am not losing him. It's a strange feeling. Also I have found that I'm not good at being in a relationship, I lose myself. The last time I was truly single was when i was 17 and although I do not want to do some of the same things, that I did when I was 17. I do want that feeling back, freedom you could call it. I want to stay at a party until I want to go, I want to hangout with friends when I want to, I want to do what I want.
I've been having flashbacks from blacked out nights from years ago. WEIRD. That is what this year has given me, time to look back at myself in the past and try to figure out what the fuck is going on. I still don't know.
So here I am, about in embark on another 7 years and for once I'm kind of excited to have the chance to live. I've spent the last year practically alone, which is as close to death as I've experienced and I don't want to experience that again for at least another 7 years.
On Febuary 25, the day after my 22 birthday, I will be returning to Spokane. I can not be here anymore, I never thought that I would say this but I am more unhappy then I ever was in Spokane because I have learned that where you live really doesn't matter but having friends does. I will be in Spokane from March to August saving up money and repairing any damage I have done to myself over the past year. Then, hopefully, me and Jamie will be on our way to Hawaii. I need some adventure back, badly.
In 13 days I will be single for the first time in 2 years. I don't know if I'll ever meet anyone who I love more then Zach and that's ok. I think I've experienced enough love to be satisfied for the next 40 years. I'm excited, for one that I've achieved the maturity to end a relationship because we both want different things. I might cry but I might not because Zach will always be one of my best friends, I am not losing him. It's a strange feeling. Also I have found that I'm not good at being in a relationship, I lose myself. The last time I was truly single was when i was 17 and although I do not want to do some of the same things, that I did when I was 17. I do want that feeling back, freedom you could call it. I want to stay at a party until I want to go, I want to hangout with friends when I want to, I want to do what I want.
I've been having flashbacks from blacked out nights from years ago. WEIRD. That is what this year has given me, time to look back at myself in the past and try to figure out what the fuck is going on. I still don't know.
So here I am, about in embark on another 7 years and for once I'm kind of excited to have the chance to live. I've spent the last year practically alone, which is as close to death as I've experienced and I don't want to experience that again for at least another 7 years.