(no subject)
I'm falling.
this sucks.
i just havent been able to regain my balance from you.
in 2 weeks it will have been a year.
that flew by, i dont remember alot of it.
depression will take you like that i guess.
im sure there is someone who understands, just as
i understand more than people think,
but i still feel all alone.
i have nothing.
im trapped in this eternal hell.
and everytime things look like there is a light at the end
the tunnel caves.
and me without my shovel.
I feel bad about somethings. i really do.
Mchu for one. he is a wonderful man.
but i just cant grasp that idea yet.
and he is far away.
which makes me just that person again
my distance is what keeps me.
either secluded and locked up or sane.
keeping every moment filled is what i need.
but its no good.
somehow the thoughts break through the defenses
and then new obstacles.
now i realize, before you even say it, that this
is what life is.
new obstacles everyday to over come, and in
the end you are stronger for it.
then why do i feel weaker everyday?
my prime is gone.
i am an old soul.
and i am in belief that this lifetime is the one
before my poor soul retires for a while.
im beating it up pretty good.
the pushing and pulling is eating at me pretty good.
i try not to care what they think.
but somehow i get pulled into the middle of the
bull shit piles, and things are my fault?
explain that to me someone. im still waiting for the answer.
i dont fit in here.
i dont really fit in anywhere.
at least that i have found yet.
i have faith that one day i will and it wont
be my perfect fitting coffin that will be it.
each day a new piece to this endless puzzle are formulated
and cut apart and spilled on to the floor of this life.
and everyday i try frantically to put at least the frame together.
to make sense of something.
its harder than it looks.
i'm not just floating by like you all think.
living this is harder than you think.
go ahead tell me that "it cant be that bad"
or "you just dont understand"
let me tell you what its like trying to be the adult
and taking care of almost everything.
its fucking hard.
go ahead complain that the government isnt giving you enough
aid to go to school. i have none.
tell me that living in your own place is hard, even though your mommy and daddy take care of everything for you.
goahead. i cant wait to hear it.
tell me im childish.
do it.
tell me im immature, and rude
I'm just glad i dont lie.
that at least can get proven.
fahq now i am just rambling about things that just fucking suck.
my body hurts, my soul is tired.
i dont want to ask for it, but
i am going to need help.
i dnt know how or what yet, but i know its coming.
im fucked.
this sucks.
i just havent been able to regain my balance from you.
in 2 weeks it will have been a year.
that flew by, i dont remember alot of it.
depression will take you like that i guess.
im sure there is someone who understands, just as
i understand more than people think,
but i still feel all alone.
i have nothing.
im trapped in this eternal hell.
and everytime things look like there is a light at the end
the tunnel caves.
and me without my shovel.
I feel bad about somethings. i really do.
Mchu for one. he is a wonderful man.
but i just cant grasp that idea yet.
and he is far away.
which makes me just that person again
my distance is what keeps me.
either secluded and locked up or sane.
keeping every moment filled is what i need.
but its no good.
somehow the thoughts break through the defenses
and then new obstacles.
now i realize, before you even say it, that this
is what life is.
new obstacles everyday to over come, and in
the end you are stronger for it.
then why do i feel weaker everyday?
my prime is gone.
i am an old soul.
and i am in belief that this lifetime is the one
before my poor soul retires for a while.
im beating it up pretty good.
the pushing and pulling is eating at me pretty good.
i try not to care what they think.
but somehow i get pulled into the middle of the
bull shit piles, and things are my fault?
explain that to me someone. im still waiting for the answer.
i dont fit in here.
i dont really fit in anywhere.
at least that i have found yet.
i have faith that one day i will and it wont
be my perfect fitting coffin that will be it.
each day a new piece to this endless puzzle are formulated
and cut apart and spilled on to the floor of this life.
and everyday i try frantically to put at least the frame together.
to make sense of something.
its harder than it looks.
i'm not just floating by like you all think.
living this is harder than you think.
go ahead tell me that "it cant be that bad"
or "you just dont understand"
let me tell you what its like trying to be the adult
and taking care of almost everything.
its fucking hard.
go ahead complain that the government isnt giving you enough
aid to go to school. i have none.
tell me that living in your own place is hard, even though your mommy and daddy take care of everything for you.
goahead. i cant wait to hear it.
tell me im childish.
do it.
tell me im immature, and rude
I'm just glad i dont lie.
that at least can get proven.
fahq now i am just rambling about things that just fucking suck.
my body hurts, my soul is tired.
i dont want to ask for it, but
i am going to need help.
i dnt know how or what yet, but i know its coming.
im fucked.