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WTF is prolly what u said to my subject. Well that's how I feel right now. I obviously cannot say in these open posts as to why but thats beyond the point. Lets just say I had a good weeked but it was still not all 100% great. Yeah so uh HAPPY BIRTHDAY to my older sister Jessica! Habe fun being a legal adult sis :) I love you so much but you already knew that. I guess that since you're 18 I'll go ahead and let you know some stuff you prolly didn't know. For one Jess, although we hated each other anything that you ever told me whether it be out of anger or love I always took seriously. I have always looked up to you. I used to pretend like I didn't but I really always have. I guess the reason I was always so diffent is the just the fact that you kinda took to Jeff rather than to me and I guess I didn't wanna copy Jeff. But I dunno. Anyhow I'm glad you are here and truthfully you are about the only person I would miss right now if out entire family died. I just wanted to let you know that. Anyways moving on. Uh my weekend consisted of finding out that I'll be moving to my parents house this weekend I think it was, or was it next weeked, I dont care. The point is that I'm moving very soon to a place I don't wanna go! Yes mom if you somehow found my journal and you read mine now then I'd like to be the first to let you know that there is not way in hell I'd ever move back in with you all given the choice because quite frankly I don't feel very secure there. And in the current state I'm in right now I seriously think that if you all keep me cooped up in the fucking house like u used to that I will seriously go CRAZY and end up killing myself. (so you all know I'm still talking to my mom just in case she ever reads this) I know you want me to tell you my problem and I may but I don't think I will cuz all you'll want to do is help me or make me talk to a fucking therapist or something like that which I don't wanna do! I think I do need help but who knows. I mean I'm not killing, raping, stealing, or any of that shit! Bottom line it's not hurting anyone except for me and as far as I'm concerned mom I really don't mean that much to you. Sometimes I wonder the validity of your love because it seems that the only time you "love" me is when you need me for something. Like now you love me and want me to come back home so I can drive the kids to school everyday! That is fuckin bullshit! Ok well mom you can continue reading if u wish but I'm writing to everyone from this point on. Ok well now that thats over the rest of my weekend consisted of being annpyed by jeff and going to a skating party for Nicole, my little cousin, who is now 9. The funny thing is her birthday is the same as Jessica's! LOL. Anyhow Uh my weekend sucked so I'm not gonnas talk about it anymore so today I went to school. I didn't do any of my homework because quite frankly right now I don't care. I've been so depressed lately I don't care about anything. My third block teacher was aksing me whats wrong with me. I told her nothing was wrong. I don't think she's convinced. But oh well. In fourth block I'm 99.9% sure I lost my daily grade. Why? I slept. I don't care! And in my first two classes I didn't do much of anything they were boring today! Ugh, tomorrow is not gonna be a good day I can just tell. Tomorrow is the day I'm supposed to go to get my license but chances are my mom won't lemme go till after school or w/e and by then ill prolly forget to get my attendance records again and it'llbe put off for even longer! Jesus! Why am I so absent minded! Well the only other thing I wanna say is so that all of u know I now officially hate church and I am really not much of a christian. I'm thinking about converting to wicca but I dunno. I have few friends who practice wicca and witchcraft. But hey w/e ppl are gonna think I'm crazy for this so go ahead roll in the insults or the you're crazy's and all that shit because I have news for you all.....I don't care much about what anybody has to say. Maybe in a few weeks, or months, or years I will but right now theres really nothing that could make me care about my life right now.