Christmas morning
It's past midnight and everyone is asleep. Except me. Old habits die hard. I'd be on my way home from church now, and sitting down to a traditional feast, the Noche Buena. But that's back home.
I love Christmas even better than birthdays. It's always been a magical time for me. Presents are one of my favourite things. And I've gotten even more than I did last year. My famiy and friends spoil me but I think it's only so they can laugh at my absurd reactions when I open gifts. I still believe in Santa. I've been cooking, baking, shopping and singing Christmas since Thursday. And when everyone went for seconds tonight, all that effort was worth it. I did it without a battalion of servants to command. It's difficult though. I miss my parents and little sis. And the aching in my chest swells during the holidays. I am a grown woman and still very much attached to my mom and dad. I always cry when we speak on the phone at 6pm here, exactly midnight there on the 25th.
But I am in South Africa... and yet it feels wrong to sleep. Jane Austen is keeping me company. Normally, I'd be reading "Pride and Prejudice" simultanously with "Hogfather" as is my quaint little tradition. Tonight I switched to "Persuasion" because it seemed apt, somehow. They were separated 8 years.
December also marks how long I'd been in SA. Last Friday marked the eighth year. Has it been that long? Did my self exile turn into a permanent thing?
I was just in bed reading, but I have had to put the book down on my tummy to turn the pages with my right hand because my dear Chicki was clutching my left, in her sleep. Her hand is warm, dovetailed perfectly into my own. Her grip is firm but not so that I can't wriggle out ofit if I choose to. But I leave it there.
My place is by her side. Despite longing for all things familiar, for my old easier, infinitely comfortable life with no responsibilities at home, I choose to be here. My life just doesn't bear imagining what it would be like without her. She loves me best, she loves me fiercely and fearlessly without doubt.
I wonder about everyone else, especially my darling friends scattered throughout the world, every one infinitesimal soul celebrating in their own strange little ways. However you guys are enjoying your holidays, I hope you are all as warm and happy and content as I am at the moment. I am loved by so many and I know it.
Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.