Today's rough day
Oh man. I'm having a really rough time. I cried this morning at work in front my coworkers because I was thinking about what happened yesterday with my boyfriend. (Luckily I pulled myself together before the kids arrived.)
Then all day I was mulling over clues about why he's going to break up with me (he's avoiding talking about spending coming holidays with me, not initiating the "I love you"s anymore (he always did), he hasn't texted me tonight, even after I texted him, asking about his day, and then asking if everything's all right.) He texted me a little this morning, which is a good sign, I guess, but being me, I can't see the optimitism.
It's all so little and minute, but my anxiety can't stop making me think it. I randomly started crying on the train ride home. I think about the times he used to meet me at work. In my mind, I've already lost him. I don't know why it pains me so much to think about. Fucking hell, I love him and he honestly became my best friend and it fucking hurts to think about him not around anymore. I'm in tears NOW, damn it.
I can't concentrate on anything. I have unsettling dreams at night. I feel like I'm on a teen drama and it'd be laughable if the feeling wasn't so real.
I scheduled an appointment with a random psychologist tomorrow night. I hope they can help. I really feel so helpless. I don't know what to do. I just want to feel okay. I know that is what he wants for me too, but this uncertainty is making things unbearable.
It doesn't help that parents are coming in to observe the class Thursday morning.
Can someone please give me some advice on how not to have a total breakdown every day? Please...
ETA: He just texted and said his phone was dead since 5 pm. I spent a good 2.5 hours stressing over this. I need help. I need a lot of help. I can't go on feeling like this...
Then all day I was mulling over clues about why he's going to break up with me (he's avoiding talking about spending coming holidays with me, not initiating the "I love you"s anymore (he always did), he hasn't texted me tonight, even after I texted him, asking about his day, and then asking if everything's all right.) He texted me a little this morning, which is a good sign, I guess, but being me, I can't see the optimitism.
It's all so little and minute, but my anxiety can't stop making me think it. I randomly started crying on the train ride home. I think about the times he used to meet me at work. In my mind, I've already lost him. I don't know why it pains me so much to think about. Fucking hell, I love him and he honestly became my best friend and it fucking hurts to think about him not around anymore. I'm in tears NOW, damn it.
I can't concentrate on anything. I have unsettling dreams at night. I feel like I'm on a teen drama and it'd be laughable if the feeling wasn't so real.
I scheduled an appointment with a random psychologist tomorrow night. I hope they can help. I really feel so helpless. I don't know what to do. I just want to feel okay. I know that is what he wants for me too, but this uncertainty is making things unbearable.
It doesn't help that parents are coming in to observe the class Thursday morning.
Can someone please give me some advice on how not to have a total breakdown every day? Please...
ETA: He just texted and said his phone was dead since 5 pm. I spent a good 2.5 hours stressing over this. I need help. I need a lot of help. I can't go on feeling like this...