I Don't Care If It Hurts (Three)
Title: I Don't Care If It Hurts
Authors:
turnthepageover
Pairing: Jalex
Rating: NC-17
Summary: Alex was tired of his life. He tried to end it, but he failed.
Disclaimer: I don't own Jack, Alex, or anyone in the lovely band and crew that make up All Time Low. They all own each other. Amen.
http://turnthepageover.livejournal.com/62463.html
Friday night found Alex doing what he always does. The baseball team had migrated to some kid’s house, some kid that was only popular because his parents didn’t care about supervision or a locked liquor cabinet.
So sat Alex on some couch, a hand slowly creeping up his thigh as he sipped his beer. He blocked the image of whoever’s hand it was. He vaguely remembered her being blonde, or maybe she was a ginger. He didn’t really care. He didn’t want her touching his dick, nor did he want his dick anywhere near her, more than likely, overused pussy. He turned his head away from the sound of her purring his name, sipping the sour beer and wrinkling his nose. It tasted fucking disgusting. He looked down at the label, seeing a picture of a lime on the front.
“Gross,” he mumbled, handing the beer to the girl as he brushed her hand away to stand up. He moved towards the kitchen, finding the table was stocked with good alcohol. He grabbed a solo cup, pouring a little Coke in it before grabbing the Captain Morgan and pouring a lot of that. He took a sip, smiling to himself. It was much better than that shit beer.
“Alex!” he heard a voice yell, looking over to see Rian walking up to him. He stayed where he was standing, taking a drink as the slightly stockier boy approached him. “Hey, bro, what’s up?”
Alex accepted the “guy hug” he gave him, shrugging.
“Nothing. Trying to get a buzz so this party will stop sucking,” Alex responded and Rian laughed.
“Alyssa’s been looking for you. Maybe that’ll get you in the partying mood,” he said, smiling cheekily, but noticing the older boy cringe.
“Nah,” Alex answered. “I think me and Alyssa are pretty much done.”
Rian looked at him confused. “Really? Does she know that?”
“She would if she had some fucking morals,” Alex said, rolling his eyes at the memory of seeing her fucking Steven on her couch.
“Whoa, dude. Sounds kinda personal,” Rian said, frowning. “You wanna talk? Like, we can sit down and you can tell me what’s up if you want.”
Alex gave him an appreciative smile, but shook his head.
“Nah, it’s cool. I think I’m gonna try to find Alyssa. I have some stuff to talk to her about first,” he said and Rian nodded.
“Well, if you need someone to talk to or something, come find me,” the boy answered. “I know all about shitty girlfriends.”
“Thanks,” Alex said, nodding. And yeah, Rian did know about that. Alex remembered when he had caught his girlfriend cheating on him at the beginning of the season. It hadn’t been a very good start for Rian.
Alex walked away from the younger male, searching through the house. It was packed full of people, which was quite annoying when you were just looking for a single person in the crowd. He sighed, pulling his phone out and unlocking it. He saw he had a few missed phone calls from Alyssa, and a bunch of texts asking where he was. He found her number, hitting send and putting the phone up to his ear as it rang.
“Alex! Baby, where are you?” Alyssa asked, sounding out of breath as she answered. He rolled his eyes. She was probably off fucking someone else.
“I’m in the kitchen. Where are you?” he questioned, hearing shuffling in the background.
“I’m just leaving the bathroom. I’m gonna come find you, okay?”
“Just stay in the bedroom, Alyssa,” he said, walking towards the stairs. “We need to talk.”
“Alex, I-”
He cut her off, hanging up the phone and putting it in his pocket as he made his way up the landing. He saw Steven turn, walking down as he got to the top. He purposely bumped into him, making the other boy teeter on the step.
“Hey, watch it, Gaskarth,” he said, glaring at Alex. He rolled his eyes in return, going to the first bedroom and opening the door. He saw Alyssa sitting on the bed, running her fingers through her hair to try and tame it.
He shut the door, catching her attention. She smiled, standing up as he walked closer to her.
“Sit,” he stated, pushing her away gently when she tried to kiss him.
“B-babe,” she said, brow furrowing as she tried to step close to him again.
“Sit!” he grunted, putting his hands in front of him so she couldn’t move closer. “We need to talk.”
“About what?” she huffed, crossing her arms and looking at him impatiently. “About the fact that you never showed up to pick me up last night? And then didn’t answer any of my calls or call me back to explain yourself! I was a little worried, Alex! Did you think dropping off roses on my front porch was going to make up for blowing me off?”
“Oh shut the fuck up!” Alex retorted, nose wrinkling in disgust at her. “I came to your fucking house last night, Alyssa, but apparently you weren’t expecting me to come early!”
“What the fuck are you talking about?” she demanded, hands finding their way to her hips as she tried to stand up as straight as she could to make herself look bigger. Alex still had a good six inches on her, though.
“You spreading your legs fucking wide open for Jenson!” he yelled, seeing her eyes grow wide for a second before she masked her shock.
“Excuse me?!” she demanded, hands balling into fists.
“I fucking saw you, you cheating bitch!” Alex yelled at her, seeing her face grow red from anger. “I can’t believe you would fucking do this, Alyssa! Do you know how fucked up it is? Why wouldn’t you just fucking tell me you don’t wanna be with me? That way you didn’t have to whore around behind my fucking back! Or do you get off on that?”
“Fuck you!” she exclaimed, feeling her hands shake. “Maybe I wouldn’t have to cheat if you weren’t such a shitty boyfriend!”
“How am I a shitty boyfriend?! I give you whatever you want! I take you out and I buy you stuff! What do I do that makes you wanna run out and fuck someone else?! I know you aren’t fucking sex deprived! We just had sex, like, three hours before that!”
“Yeah, we had sex! And then you kicked me out because you were tired,” she said with a sneer. “You didn’t want to cuddle with me. Or talk to me. Or anything like that! We don’t have an emotional connection, Alex! Not like I have with Steven! Yeah, it’s nice that you go out and you buy me stuff, but sometimes I just want to talk! I just want to lay around and watch movies and cuddle and do the cute stuff boyfriends and girlfriends do! I feel like you don’t even wanna be with me sometimes!”
“I don’t,” he said, scoffing. “I’m sorry I don’t give you what you need. I’m sorry I’m not the perfect boyfriend like Steven apparently is. But you didn’t need to fucking cheat on me, Alyssa! That’s low. If you really cared about me you wouldn’t have done that!” he said, shaking his head. “We’re done, Lys.”
“Whatever,” she said, rolling her eyes. “I should have broken up with you a long time ago. You’re just a pathetic waste of time, Alex. I just stayed with you because I felt bad for you. You have no real friends. You’re the worst fucking player on the team. Maybe you should just quit. You’d fit right in with the nerds.”
“Lose my fucking number,” he spat at her, walking towards the door. “I hope you choke on cum, you slut.”
“Oh just go kill yourself, fag!” she exclaimed, and that stung. He slammed the door behind him, fishing in his pocket for his keys. He yanked them out, walking quickly towards the door.
“Alex!” he heard someone yell, but didn’t acknowledge them. He continued to walk out the door and off the porch, ignoring the stoners and rejects just hanging out under the stars. “Alex, wait up!”
Rian jogged up next to him, looking at him sympathetically.
“I guess things didn’t go well with Alyssa,” he said and Alex rolled his eyes, continuing his walk to his car.
“You could say that,” he answered, searching the rows of cars parked on the street. He could have sworn he hadn’t parked that far from the house.
“You okay?” Rian asked, and Alex bit his tongue. He knew he was only trying to be nice, but at the moment Alex just wanted to get out of there.
“No,” he answered, finding his car and unlocking it, “but I’m really not in the mood to talk.”
“Should you be driving?” Rian asked and Alex shrugged.
“I’ll be fine,” he answered, stepping out onto the street to get into his car. He stopped, looking back at the boy on the sidewalk. “I’ll talk to you later.”
“Alright,” he said, giving me a worried glance and scratching the back of his neck. “Be careful, yeah?”
“Yeah,” Alex answered, opening his door and climbing inside. He stuck his key into the ignition, starting the car and hearing it rumble to life. He turned his lights on, pulling out onto the road and driving off towards his house.
Pathetic waste of time.
Felt bad for you.
No real friends.
Worst fucking player on the team.
Just quit.
Kill yourself, fag.
Fag.
Alex gripped the wheel tighter, pressing his foot down on the gas as he raced home. His blood was boiling from his conversation with Alyssa.
Fag.
Kill yourself.
Kill yourself.
He slammed his door shut when he got home, going up to the porch. His mom was at work. He vaguely remembered her saying she was working overtime and would miss his game. Whatever. He didn’t get to play anyway.
He slammed his front door shut too, locking the deadbolt behind him.
He went upstairs, closing the bathroom door behind him and locking it. He sat down on the floor, fingers itching against the material of his jeans.
Just quit.
He sighed, biting on his already short nails. He tore at the nail, feeling the pain shoot through his finger as blood began to seep through the open tear. He closed his eyes, putting pressure on the nail and feeling a tingling start deep inside. He stood, tearing through the medicine cabinet. He found the box he was looking for, taking it out and sitting back down.
He rested his head on the side of the tub as he looked down at the box, tearing at his lip with his teeth.
Kill yourself, fag.
He opened the box up, taking out the small, sharp, silver rectangle and holding it in his fingers.
Kill yourself.
He leaned back against the bathtub, drawing his knees up and resting his forearm across them. He slid the razor across his wrist, feeling the sting and watching the blood instantly pool and rush out of it. It dripped down his arm and onto his leg, staining his jeans and spreading out across the fabric. Alex felt that tingle grow stronger and he did it again, slicing just centimeters below the previous cut, wincing as he cut too deep. It hurt, but that’s what he wanted. He wanted to hurt until he didn’t feel the pain anymore.
He shifted his body, resting his head against the tub as he watched the blood continue to flow. He switched the razor to the opposite hand, cutting a slice into the other one and feeling the throbbing start up in both. He raised his hand a final time, feeling his fingers start to go numb from lack of blood flow. He cut deep again, dropping the razor and watching the blood run down and pool on the bathroom tile. His eyes were starting to get heavy and he let them slip shut, head falling to rest against the porcelain tub.
♠ ♠ ♠Ummm, let's just pretend I know what I'm talking about here :)
So we'll meet Jack in the next chapter.
Authors:
turnthepageover
Pairing: Jalex
Rating: NC-17
Summary: Alex was tired of his life. He tried to end it, but he failed.
Disclaimer: I don't own Jack, Alex, or anyone in the lovely band and crew that make up All Time Low. They all own each other. Amen.
http://turnthepageover.livejournal.com/62463.html
Friday night found Alex doing what he always does. The baseball team had migrated to some kid’s house, some kid that was only popular because his parents didn’t care about supervision or a locked liquor cabinet.
So sat Alex on some couch, a hand slowly creeping up his thigh as he sipped his beer. He blocked the image of whoever’s hand it was. He vaguely remembered her being blonde, or maybe she was a ginger. He didn’t really care. He didn’t want her touching his dick, nor did he want his dick anywhere near her, more than likely, overused pussy. He turned his head away from the sound of her purring his name, sipping the sour beer and wrinkling his nose. It tasted fucking disgusting. He looked down at the label, seeing a picture of a lime on the front.
“Gross,” he mumbled, handing the beer to the girl as he brushed her hand away to stand up. He moved towards the kitchen, finding the table was stocked with good alcohol. He grabbed a solo cup, pouring a little Coke in it before grabbing the Captain Morgan and pouring a lot of that. He took a sip, smiling to himself. It was much better than that shit beer.
“Alex!” he heard a voice yell, looking over to see Rian walking up to him. He stayed where he was standing, taking a drink as the slightly stockier boy approached him. “Hey, bro, what’s up?”
Alex accepted the “guy hug” he gave him, shrugging.
“Nothing. Trying to get a buzz so this party will stop sucking,” Alex responded and Rian laughed.
“Alyssa’s been looking for you. Maybe that’ll get you in the partying mood,” he said, smiling cheekily, but noticing the older boy cringe.
“Nah,” Alex answered. “I think me and Alyssa are pretty much done.”
Rian looked at him confused. “Really? Does she know that?”
“She would if she had some fucking morals,” Alex said, rolling his eyes at the memory of seeing her fucking Steven on her couch.
“Whoa, dude. Sounds kinda personal,” Rian said, frowning. “You wanna talk? Like, we can sit down and you can tell me what’s up if you want.”
Alex gave him an appreciative smile, but shook his head.
“Nah, it’s cool. I think I’m gonna try to find Alyssa. I have some stuff to talk to her about first,” he said and Rian nodded.
“Well, if you need someone to talk to or something, come find me,” the boy answered. “I know all about shitty girlfriends.”
“Thanks,” Alex said, nodding. And yeah, Rian did know about that. Alex remembered when he had caught his girlfriend cheating on him at the beginning of the season. It hadn’t been a very good start for Rian.
Alex walked away from the younger male, searching through the house. It was packed full of people, which was quite annoying when you were just looking for a single person in the crowd. He sighed, pulling his phone out and unlocking it. He saw he had a few missed phone calls from Alyssa, and a bunch of texts asking where he was. He found her number, hitting send and putting the phone up to his ear as it rang.
“Alex! Baby, where are you?” Alyssa asked, sounding out of breath as she answered. He rolled his eyes. She was probably off fucking someone else.
“I’m in the kitchen. Where are you?” he questioned, hearing shuffling in the background.
“I’m just leaving the bathroom. I’m gonna come find you, okay?”
“Just stay in the bedroom, Alyssa,” he said, walking towards the stairs. “We need to talk.”
“Alex, I-”
He cut her off, hanging up the phone and putting it in his pocket as he made his way up the landing. He saw Steven turn, walking down as he got to the top. He purposely bumped into him, making the other boy teeter on the step.
“Hey, watch it, Gaskarth,” he said, glaring at Alex. He rolled his eyes in return, going to the first bedroom and opening the door. He saw Alyssa sitting on the bed, running her fingers through her hair to try and tame it.
He shut the door, catching her attention. She smiled, standing up as he walked closer to her.
“Sit,” he stated, pushing her away gently when she tried to kiss him.
“B-babe,” she said, brow furrowing as she tried to step close to him again.
“Sit!” he grunted, putting his hands in front of him so she couldn’t move closer. “We need to talk.”
“About what?” she huffed, crossing her arms and looking at him impatiently. “About the fact that you never showed up to pick me up last night? And then didn’t answer any of my calls or call me back to explain yourself! I was a little worried, Alex! Did you think dropping off roses on my front porch was going to make up for blowing me off?”
“Oh shut the fuck up!” Alex retorted, nose wrinkling in disgust at her. “I came to your fucking house last night, Alyssa, but apparently you weren’t expecting me to come early!”
“What the fuck are you talking about?” she demanded, hands finding their way to her hips as she tried to stand up as straight as she could to make herself look bigger. Alex still had a good six inches on her, though.
“You spreading your legs fucking wide open for Jenson!” he yelled, seeing her eyes grow wide for a second before she masked her shock.
“Excuse me?!” she demanded, hands balling into fists.
“I fucking saw you, you cheating bitch!” Alex yelled at her, seeing her face grow red from anger. “I can’t believe you would fucking do this, Alyssa! Do you know how fucked up it is? Why wouldn’t you just fucking tell me you don’t wanna be with me? That way you didn’t have to whore around behind my fucking back! Or do you get off on that?”
“Fuck you!” she exclaimed, feeling her hands shake. “Maybe I wouldn’t have to cheat if you weren’t such a shitty boyfriend!”
“How am I a shitty boyfriend?! I give you whatever you want! I take you out and I buy you stuff! What do I do that makes you wanna run out and fuck someone else?! I know you aren’t fucking sex deprived! We just had sex, like, three hours before that!”
“Yeah, we had sex! And then you kicked me out because you were tired,” she said with a sneer. “You didn’t want to cuddle with me. Or talk to me. Or anything like that! We don’t have an emotional connection, Alex! Not like I have with Steven! Yeah, it’s nice that you go out and you buy me stuff, but sometimes I just want to talk! I just want to lay around and watch movies and cuddle and do the cute stuff boyfriends and girlfriends do! I feel like you don’t even wanna be with me sometimes!”
“I don’t,” he said, scoffing. “I’m sorry I don’t give you what you need. I’m sorry I’m not the perfect boyfriend like Steven apparently is. But you didn’t need to fucking cheat on me, Alyssa! That’s low. If you really cared about me you wouldn’t have done that!” he said, shaking his head. “We’re done, Lys.”
“Whatever,” she said, rolling her eyes. “I should have broken up with you a long time ago. You’re just a pathetic waste of time, Alex. I just stayed with you because I felt bad for you. You have no real friends. You’re the worst fucking player on the team. Maybe you should just quit. You’d fit right in with the nerds.”
“Lose my fucking number,” he spat at her, walking towards the door. “I hope you choke on cum, you slut.”
“Oh just go kill yourself, fag!” she exclaimed, and that stung. He slammed the door behind him, fishing in his pocket for his keys. He yanked them out, walking quickly towards the door.
“Alex!” he heard someone yell, but didn’t acknowledge them. He continued to walk out the door and off the porch, ignoring the stoners and rejects just hanging out under the stars. “Alex, wait up!”
Rian jogged up next to him, looking at him sympathetically.
“I guess things didn’t go well with Alyssa,” he said and Alex rolled his eyes, continuing his walk to his car.
“You could say that,” he answered, searching the rows of cars parked on the street. He could have sworn he hadn’t parked that far from the house.
“You okay?” Rian asked, and Alex bit his tongue. He knew he was only trying to be nice, but at the moment Alex just wanted to get out of there.
“No,” he answered, finding his car and unlocking it, “but I’m really not in the mood to talk.”
“Should you be driving?” Rian asked and Alex shrugged.
“I’ll be fine,” he answered, stepping out onto the street to get into his car. He stopped, looking back at the boy on the sidewalk. “I’ll talk to you later.”
“Alright,” he said, giving me a worried glance and scratching the back of his neck. “Be careful, yeah?”
“Yeah,” Alex answered, opening his door and climbing inside. He stuck his key into the ignition, starting the car and hearing it rumble to life. He turned his lights on, pulling out onto the road and driving off towards his house.
Pathetic waste of time.
Felt bad for you.
No real friends.
Worst fucking player on the team.
Just quit.
Kill yourself, fag.
Fag.
Alex gripped the wheel tighter, pressing his foot down on the gas as he raced home. His blood was boiling from his conversation with Alyssa.
Fag.
Kill yourself.
Kill yourself.
He slammed his door shut when he got home, going up to the porch. His mom was at work. He vaguely remembered her saying she was working overtime and would miss his game. Whatever. He didn’t get to play anyway.
He slammed his front door shut too, locking the deadbolt behind him.
He went upstairs, closing the bathroom door behind him and locking it. He sat down on the floor, fingers itching against the material of his jeans.
Just quit.
He sighed, biting on his already short nails. He tore at the nail, feeling the pain shoot through his finger as blood began to seep through the open tear. He closed his eyes, putting pressure on the nail and feeling a tingling start deep inside. He stood, tearing through the medicine cabinet. He found the box he was looking for, taking it out and sitting back down.
He rested his head on the side of the tub as he looked down at the box, tearing at his lip with his teeth.
Kill yourself, fag.
He opened the box up, taking out the small, sharp, silver rectangle and holding it in his fingers.
Kill yourself.
He leaned back against the bathtub, drawing his knees up and resting his forearm across them. He slid the razor across his wrist, feeling the sting and watching the blood instantly pool and rush out of it. It dripped down his arm and onto his leg, staining his jeans and spreading out across the fabric. Alex felt that tingle grow stronger and he did it again, slicing just centimeters below the previous cut, wincing as he cut too deep. It hurt, but that’s what he wanted. He wanted to hurt until he didn’t feel the pain anymore.
He shifted his body, resting his head against the tub as he watched the blood continue to flow. He switched the razor to the opposite hand, cutting a slice into the other one and feeling the throbbing start up in both. He raised his hand a final time, feeling his fingers start to go numb from lack of blood flow. He cut deep again, dropping the razor and watching the blood run down and pool on the bathroom tile. His eyes were starting to get heavy and he let them slip shut, head falling to rest against the porcelain tub.
♠ ♠ ♠Ummm, let's just pretend I know what I'm talking about here :)
So we'll meet Jack in the next chapter.