chapter thirteen
chapter one
chapter two
chapter three
chapter four
chapter five
chapter six
chapter seven
chapter eight
chapter nine
interlude: from the outside looking in
chapter eleven
chapter twelve; part one
chapter twelve; part two
- and it’s coming and coming closer and Blaine’s stranded in the spotlight where he always felt at home and there’s nothing for it but to run run run and Blaine’s in his arms and he’s shaking and the car is coming but they’re safe on the driveway, safe and sound and there’s breathing and beating hearts and crying sobbing tremors and the car turns in.
Finn’s grip around Blaine tightens.
Kurt.
Blaine continues to cry.
-
He only looks up when the car door slams.
There’s footsteps, quick, even on the gravel, and Blaine’s scrambling out of Finn’s arms and running into Kurts’s and Kurt is taken aback by the sudden force, Blaine clinging to him like armour and whispering I love you I love you I love you like a mantra, an enchantment to keep himself safe because Kurt’s there, he’s back in Kurt’s arms and it’s just like it always was, like he was the sunrise, and the sunset, and a miracle waiting to happen and the only point of return.
-
They go inside not long after, Kurt helping Blaine to calm down, and Finn - Finn doesn’t know what to do. He’s just let Blaine escape. Let Blaine wander out into the road. Let Blaine nearly get fucking killed.
And now Kurt’s going to hate him and never trust him again and he’s failed. One job, to look after Blaine, and he can’t even do that.
Finn sighs, finishes his coffee, and goes upstairs. Kurt is in the bathroom, and Blaine is in bed.
-
Hurry here, sweetheart, faster than the speed of light.
Hurry here, sweetheart, faster than the speed of light.
Hurry here, sweetheart, faster than the speed of light.
-
Finn stares at the diary, open on the desk, and just the one phrase, over and over, solid as a legion, crossed and changed but still very much there.
-
He starts at the sound of the bathroom door opening from along the landing.
“Kurt - ”
“Come downstairs, Finn. I need a coffee.”
They settle at the table, the kettle left boiling again.
“About tonight, Kurt, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to let him get out at all - I was just in the bathroom for a few minutes and when I got out he’d gone from the bed and that’s where he was and I couldn’t help it - I didn’t mean to - Kurt, I’m so sorry.”
He waits for the scathing, an acerbic comment, something biting that he only deserves right now.
What he’s not expecting is an, “it’s okay, Finn.”
He’s not expecting for Kurt to sit down, a mug in one hand, to reach over, link their fingers, smile up at him through the steam.
And he’s certainly not expecting himself to break down into tears, as if there haven’t been enough already in these past few days.
“Been a tough few days, right?” Kurt asks, not expecting an answer.
“I don’t know how you do it, Kurt. Every day. The worrying. The watching. The hoping that everything will stay normal for a bit.”
“You get used to it. When you love someone, you’ll do that for them. You’ll know that soon.”
Finn doesn’t know what to say. He turns round, grabs a tissue from the side, dabs at his eyes for a few moments.
“You must be tired, right? Go to bed. I’ll finish my coffee, then come up.”
-
Blaine’s fast asleep in the bedroom, curled beneath the covers like nothing ever happened.
Finn kicks off his shoes, moves the mattress from the doorway, throws the duvet into the corner, and climbs into bed with him, his arm over Blaine’s chest.
In the depths of sleep, Blaine smiles.
-
Kurt presses the door open gently twenty minutes later. He surveys the floor - no sign of the bedding, and yes, it’s in the corner, and where’s Finn?
It takes him a moment to realise there are two figures in the bed.
He pulls the mattress from the corner of the room, drags it to the foot of the bed, and settles down, not wanting to disturb the comforting peace.
-
They all wake late the next morning - Finn first, then Blaine, and Finn notes that Blaine seems on edge all morning. Kurt takes a few more hours to sleep off the long journey, and by the time he comes downstairs, Blaine’s fists are clenched so hard that he must be leaving alarming crescent marks in the palms of his hands, and his face seems oddly tight. Finn assures Kurt that there’s been no tears yet, but that every time Finn tries to get him into the music room to calm down, he gets defensive.
“You’re not Kurt,” Blaine tells him.
Kurt goes to find Blaine in the kitchen, wraps his arms around him, tells him that he’s here now. That he’s here and he’s not going to go away again.
Blaine kisses him with a force to prove that statement true.
-
There’s a post-it note above the phone, a number scrawled across it. “Just in case,” Kurt had told Finn.
Curious, Blaine types the number into the keypad, looking up every few moments to refresh the numbers.
“Hello?”
“Hello there - who’s that?”
“Blaine. Who are you?”
“Bla - Oh, Blaine! Why have you called?”
“I don’t know who you are.”
“My name’s Clare, Blaine. I’m yo - I’m a doctor.”
“You were going to say something else there.”
“I’m a doctor, Blaine. That’s all.”
“Who are you?”
“Clare. Why have you phoned me, Blaine?”
“I don’t know.”
“Did Kurt ask you to?”
“No. I only just woke up. Where’s Kurt?”
“Is he with you?”
“Not with me, no.”
“Why don’t you put the phone down and find him.”
“I don’t know where to look.”
“Call for him.”
“Who? Kurt?”
The kitchen door slams.
“Blaine, what are you - who are you talking to?”
“I don’t know. Kurt!”
The phone falls to the floor as Blaine throws himself into Kurt’s arms.
As soon as they break apart, Kurt picks it up to rectify any damage.
“Who is this?”
“It’s Clare. Hello there, Kurt! How was your trip?”
“Not too bad. I can tell you more when we meet next time. Did Blaine phone you?”
“Yes, though I don’t know - ”
“Your number. I stuck it above the phone so that Finn could phone you if needed. He must have dialled it from that. I’m incredibly sorry. Did we disturb you?”
“Not at all. It’s fine, Kurt, really, don’t worry about it.”
“Who are you talking to, Kurt?”
“I have to go now. My brother’s still here. I’ll see you soon.”
“Bye, Kurt.”
-
Finn intends to set out mid-morning the next day. In the meantime, he sets about making good last night’s mistakes. He irons shirts for Kurt, that no doubt will be ironed again anyway, he cooks, he does a few chores that he expects Kurt rarely has time to get done. Just the little things to build up until finally, finally, he feels he’s earned his own, and Kurt’s, forgiveness.
-
He’s packed by bedtime, and moves back to the floor for the last night.
-
In the end, Finn doesn’t end up leaving until gone midday.
He doesn’t sleep in, nor does he forget a collection of items.
Instead, he takes the time to say goodbye to Blaine in the music room with a few last jazz pieces, while Kurt watches from the doorway and smiles and dances.
-
As Finn prepares to leave, Kurt hands him an envelope, tells him not to open it until he gets back home.
He shakes hands with Blaine. “It was nice to meet you,” to which Blaine looks confused, but smiles all the same.
His and Kurt’s hug is tight and aching and longing and still an I’m sorry I didn’t mean to hangs in the air, at least to Finn.
But then the car is pulling away for a ten-hour drive, and Kurt and Blaine are back to the ticking of reality.
-
Dear Finn,
I just wanted to say thank you. For everything you did these past few days.
I saw you, the day before you left, everything you did. And I know why you did it. You felt so bad, so guilty, about the night before.
Finn, please, don’t beat yourself up about it. It’s okay. In fact, it’s more than okay. You saved Blaine’s life. And, despite everything that’s been going on in my head recently, things you don’t want to know, you’ve shown me just how much I appreciate having both you and Blaine in my life.
I know now; it’s when you’re the most scared of losing something that you realise just how precious, how special, that one thing is.
You did all I could have hoped for, and so, so much more. I can only guess how hard it must have been at times for you, but the fact that I pulled up to the drive and that you and Blaine were both okay - that means more than anything to me, and I cannot thank you enough.
It might not seem like it now, being stuck in Lima, at the garage, but I promise you that one day you will find someone, someone you love, who you can give the same amount of devotion and care to. And that person will make you so, so happy. I’ll admit I wouldn’t have thought that back in high school, but now, I’m sure it’s true. After seeing you with Blaine, how patient you were, how gentle, it’s bound to happen. Just wait for the right girl.
Don’t feel guilty, Finn. I’m so proud of you.
Love
Kurt
x
interlude: a long stretch of present