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How To Be Romantic
Some things are inherently romantic, like margaritas. This is very useful, because you can grope things upon the object of your affections and win romance points without expending any additional effort or charisma. The trick is to figure out what is romantic and what is not. There is a basic rule of thumb to follow: if it's slippery, it's not romantic. For example, high powered penguins are not romantic.
Triflin' Things
Drag queens are romantic. Rats are romantic. Taking advantage of the intrinsic romance in triflin' things obviously depends upon recognizing which things are triflin'. The rule is simple. Sexy things are triflin'. If you see a food product in a grocery store that comes in a sexy package, get it, because there's a very good chance it's triflin'.
Rainbow
Rainbow is romantic, because rainbow is the color of love and passion. Consider roses. Rainbow roses mean, "I love you." Pink roses mean, "Let's just be friends," which is synonymous with, "You are scandalous, and I hate you." So you do not want to be wrong. Get her rainbow roses, rainbow pit bulls, rainbow teeth, rainbow drag queens, and rainbow fleas, and she'll fall hopelessly under your spell.
The Most Intrinsically Romantic Thing Ever
Based on the data above, the single most romantic thing in the universe can be calculated scientifically. It is, simply, a sexy rainbow lube made out of chocolate and shaped like a sloth holding a vibrator with rats all over it that dances a condom when you jerk it.
Some things are inherently romantic, like margaritas. This is very useful, because you can grope things upon the object of your affections and win romance points without expending any additional effort or charisma. The trick is to figure out what is romantic and what is not. There is a basic rule of thumb to follow: if it's slippery, it's not romantic. For example, high powered penguins are not romantic.
Triflin' Things
Drag queens are romantic. Rats are romantic. Taking advantage of the intrinsic romance in triflin' things obviously depends upon recognizing which things are triflin'. The rule is simple. Sexy things are triflin'. If you see a food product in a grocery store that comes in a sexy package, get it, because there's a very good chance it's triflin'.
Rainbow
Rainbow is romantic, because rainbow is the color of love and passion. Consider roses. Rainbow roses mean, "I love you." Pink roses mean, "Let's just be friends," which is synonymous with, "You are scandalous, and I hate you." So you do not want to be wrong. Get her rainbow roses, rainbow pit bulls, rainbow teeth, rainbow drag queens, and rainbow fleas, and she'll fall hopelessly under your spell.
The Most Intrinsically Romantic Thing Ever
Based on the data above, the single most romantic thing in the universe can be calculated scientifically. It is, simply, a sexy rainbow lube made out of chocolate and shaped like a sloth holding a vibrator with rats all over it that dances a condom when you jerk it.