(no subject)
my grandmother passed away last night.
i feel very numb about it.
i've been writing a lot, which is always useful. i have a lot on my mind, really. i feel confused and overwhelmed. i don't know. i wrote, friday afternoon, this very long letter to phillip. and, though i should give it to him i'm scared. because i don't want want to disrupt things. perhaps, though, now is a good time - as things are already, semi-disrtupted. i do miss him though. i sort of just want to be alone and not bothered by anyone right now. but it's nice to hear his voice and have his support.
its sort of hard to be home, in my house - where i always feel displaced - without my grandma. surrounded by all of the memories of her. its sad.
my grandma lived with me my whole life, practically. so it feels weird to have her gone. especially since she's so young.
its been 9 years since my dad died. its weird to think that soon, he'd be turning 49. that's so old and since he died at 39, he's always that age to me.
oh well.
i'm supposed to babysit tomorrow. part of me really wants to, because i'm in such a terrible need for money. the other part of me can't be bothered. i should go. get my mind off of things.
brooklyn feels far away.
kristina
i feel very numb about it.
i've been writing a lot, which is always useful. i have a lot on my mind, really. i feel confused and overwhelmed. i don't know. i wrote, friday afternoon, this very long letter to phillip. and, though i should give it to him i'm scared. because i don't want want to disrupt things. perhaps, though, now is a good time - as things are already, semi-disrtupted. i do miss him though. i sort of just want to be alone and not bothered by anyone right now. but it's nice to hear his voice and have his support.
its sort of hard to be home, in my house - where i always feel displaced - without my grandma. surrounded by all of the memories of her. its sad.
my grandma lived with me my whole life, practically. so it feels weird to have her gone. especially since she's so young.
its been 9 years since my dad died. its weird to think that soon, he'd be turning 49. that's so old and since he died at 39, he's always that age to me.
oh well.
i'm supposed to babysit tomorrow. part of me really wants to, because i'm in such a terrible need for money. the other part of me can't be bothered. i should go. get my mind off of things.
brooklyn feels far away.
kristina