(no subject)
weird.
everytime i tried to update livejournal the past two days, it's crashed my computer.
i'm doing alright. a bit bettter. just sad. the whole-body, sluggish sad that keeps you under your covers longer in the morning and puts you to bed earlier at night. the mind consuming sad that makes your bagel taste disgusting and leaves you not desiring coffee. yep, it's that.
though phillip and i are going to try and work things out. i'm very uneasy. it's like, even if they get back to being the best they were, i still may not be happy. but, i don't want to lose him. i adore him. i am certain that being without him will hurt more than ever. when he's here i'm fine, we're fine. but he's not here often and that is hard. but, i think that says more about me, then it does him or our relationship.
i had my first day of work today and it went well. i'm really tired though, because i haven't had proper sleep in two days. in a few i have to go visit my grandma in the hospital and i'm not looking forward to that. she's now just on hospis (or with a 'ce?') which means, basically, no life support and we're waiting for her to die. i hate death.
death makes me feel so alone.
i have to go now. i think i'm going to fall asleep at my computer and i cannot let that be the case, because i have to get on a bus in a few minutes.
i wrote a ton, ton, ton today about philip and i. and about myself and the state i'm currently in and i think it helped to write. i always feel better when i write.
okay, see you later.
-kristina
everytime i tried to update livejournal the past two days, it's crashed my computer.
i'm doing alright. a bit bettter. just sad. the whole-body, sluggish sad that keeps you under your covers longer in the morning and puts you to bed earlier at night. the mind consuming sad that makes your bagel taste disgusting and leaves you not desiring coffee. yep, it's that.
though phillip and i are going to try and work things out. i'm very uneasy. it's like, even if they get back to being the best they were, i still may not be happy. but, i don't want to lose him. i adore him. i am certain that being without him will hurt more than ever. when he's here i'm fine, we're fine. but he's not here often and that is hard. but, i think that says more about me, then it does him or our relationship.
i had my first day of work today and it went well. i'm really tired though, because i haven't had proper sleep in two days. in a few i have to go visit my grandma in the hospital and i'm not looking forward to that. she's now just on hospis (or with a 'ce?') which means, basically, no life support and we're waiting for her to die. i hate death.
death makes me feel so alone.
i have to go now. i think i'm going to fall asleep at my computer and i cannot let that be the case, because i have to get on a bus in a few minutes.
i wrote a ton, ton, ton today about philip and i. and about myself and the state i'm currently in and i think it helped to write. i always feel better when i write.
okay, see you later.
-kristina