(no subject)
In no particular order...
My driving lessons are going a long fairly well, feel about 90% there but that 10% seems pretty important too.
On the gender score, feeling freer about my true sense of self is really paying off. Sometimes it's like I've broken the system, found a loophole in the constraints of society. Stepping outside of convention brings with it the wonderful realisation that how you feel is so much more important than what other people think of you.
Sure, I get random compliments on my nails (apparently I'm very neat), earrings, clothes or whatever, which is very sweet of people, and then there are those who've known me for years who ask about my pronouns or whether they should still call me James, I even had a visitor at work burst into tears when she told me how glad she was to see me 'being more myself'. This is all so very nice, and yet a little bit meaningless to me because I'm the one who validates me, nobody else. I think that's what I've learnt most of all over the last 6 months. Thank you for the support everyone, I guess I needed it in the beginning, now it isn't really necessary. You don't go down the street high-fiving random people for breathing, I'm just a person too.
In the week, there was woman from head office who'd come to our place for a meeting. A fairly young, confident professional type, big positive energy vibes. I just chatted to her pretty normally I thought, and then at the end of the day she came to my building to tell me how 'lovely' I was, really pouring it on thick and making me promise to pass her opinion of me to my boss. I wondered if I wasn't styling it out female in purple tights and whatever else I'd chosen that day, if I'd been in my male clothes, whether she'd have done that - the answer to which is I really don't think she would have. With this in mind what she'd said came off as a mix between a performative act of inclusion and I suppose very heartfelt, very genuine attempt to be nice.
I don't know, how to explain it? Sometimes for these types it's like meeting me - as different/atypical as I am - is really all about them taking delight in being able to show they're good people than anything really to do with me as an individual, which is a bit patronising really. I don't really mind this, it's just an observation, but maybe one that illustrates why I say the opinions of others aren't important to me, because I think they're very seldom ABOUT me, even the well-meaning ones.
What an ungrateful twat I am. Ah well, onwards!
That's all for now.
My driving lessons are going a long fairly well, feel about 90% there but that 10% seems pretty important too.
On the gender score, feeling freer about my true sense of self is really paying off. Sometimes it's like I've broken the system, found a loophole in the constraints of society. Stepping outside of convention brings with it the wonderful realisation that how you feel is so much more important than what other people think of you.
Sure, I get random compliments on my nails (apparently I'm very neat), earrings, clothes or whatever, which is very sweet of people, and then there are those who've known me for years who ask about my pronouns or whether they should still call me James, I even had a visitor at work burst into tears when she told me how glad she was to see me 'being more myself'. This is all so very nice, and yet a little bit meaningless to me because I'm the one who validates me, nobody else. I think that's what I've learnt most of all over the last 6 months. Thank you for the support everyone, I guess I needed it in the beginning, now it isn't really necessary. You don't go down the street high-fiving random people for breathing, I'm just a person too.
In the week, there was woman from head office who'd come to our place for a meeting. A fairly young, confident professional type, big positive energy vibes. I just chatted to her pretty normally I thought, and then at the end of the day she came to my building to tell me how 'lovely' I was, really pouring it on thick and making me promise to pass her opinion of me to my boss. I wondered if I wasn't styling it out female in purple tights and whatever else I'd chosen that day, if I'd been in my male clothes, whether she'd have done that - the answer to which is I really don't think she would have. With this in mind what she'd said came off as a mix between a performative act of inclusion and I suppose very heartfelt, very genuine attempt to be nice.
I don't know, how to explain it? Sometimes for these types it's like meeting me - as different/atypical as I am - is really all about them taking delight in being able to show they're good people than anything really to do with me as an individual, which is a bit patronising really. I don't really mind this, it's just an observation, but maybe one that illustrates why I say the opinions of others aren't important to me, because I think they're very seldom ABOUT me, even the well-meaning ones.
What an ungrateful twat I am. Ah well, onwards!
That's all for now.