(no subject)
Sorry for all of the depressing posts, lj people. I guess you could say I'm having a bad ... couple of months.
This post was supposed to be a happier one. I had a good time with my roomies this weekend. We hung out at Nida's place on Friday night, then went to Harvard Square with Kate on Saturday. I spent most of the day in bed today, watching season 2 of True Blood. I was having a semi-decent day until about an hour ago, when I read an email that is threatening to tear me to pieces.
Can't be friends anymore? Do you know what that's doing to me?
I have very few things that are holding me together right now: God, Augustine, the fact that I have to go to work, and the hope--the faith-- in being friends with him again. And now that the last one is taken away, it's one less string holding me together. I know that God will see me through, and that He would never put me in a situation that I couldn't survive, but right now, I am falling apart. I'm just barely able to be happy as it is. Like fuck, now what's going to happen?
This is not how I imagined my life, you know? Me falling apart, not able to trust anyone [again]--having to start all over again in that respect--crying all of the time, being semi-depressed...what has my life come to? Shouldn't love be enough? Shouldn't love have been enough??
What am I going to do now? Why can I get it together? Why can't I keep it together? What is happening to me? God help me, my heart is breaking into a million more tiny pieces, and every time it does, I lose more and more of it.
Can someone please fast forward and tell me if I end up okay--happy, healthy, whole? Because if I don't, then why the hell am I here???
This post was supposed to be a happier one. I had a good time with my roomies this weekend. We hung out at Nida's place on Friday night, then went to Harvard Square with Kate on Saturday. I spent most of the day in bed today, watching season 2 of True Blood. I was having a semi-decent day until about an hour ago, when I read an email that is threatening to tear me to pieces.
Can't be friends anymore? Do you know what that's doing to me?
I have very few things that are holding me together right now: God, Augustine, the fact that I have to go to work, and the hope--the faith-- in being friends with him again. And now that the last one is taken away, it's one less string holding me together. I know that God will see me through, and that He would never put me in a situation that I couldn't survive, but right now, I am falling apart. I'm just barely able to be happy as it is. Like fuck, now what's going to happen?
This is not how I imagined my life, you know? Me falling apart, not able to trust anyone [again]--having to start all over again in that respect--crying all of the time, being semi-depressed...what has my life come to? Shouldn't love be enough? Shouldn't love have been enough??
What am I going to do now? Why can I get it together? Why can't I keep it together? What is happening to me? God help me, my heart is breaking into a million more tiny pieces, and every time it does, I lose more and more of it.
Can someone please fast forward and tell me if I end up okay--happy, healthy, whole? Because if I don't, then why the hell am I here???