my bullshit
i am at home today. yay me. me feet are horribly swollen, still. i hate being alone but at the same time when i have people here i want them to go away. is something wrong with me? i like it when angel is here, we don't have to do anything, we can just sit and watch tv. i like that, i don't feel i have to entertain but at the same time i'm not alone. david called yesterday. i miss him so much. if it weren't for him, i would be dead by now. i hate that i feel this way. i hate that i am still so sad all the time. i try really hard to be happy but it just doesn't work. sadly enough i think ive become one of those girls who needs a guy to be happy. maybe he really does just complete me.... i am happy about the baby, i just wish i didn't have to do this alone. i had it out with mj yesterday through an email message. i dont know. i act happy but i'm not. i hate being alone, but don't want company. i want to go out, but i hate leaving the house. perhaps i am just really fucked up. woo me