here again....
well, i hung out with PH a lil tonight, i feel a little better. we talked and she wanted to go over to his house. i explained to her that i couldn't deal with not being the g/f and that i still had old feelings for him, she said ok she understood that. then we just drove around and listened to music, mainly Garbage but a little Tool and some orgy. i think i will be better once he is out of town. i hope so at least. oh god its 1am... damn i gotta go to work in 10hrs.... that sucks, wonder if i'll be able to stay for my whole shift.. i hope so. i don't like to broke. I don't know whats wrong with me.... some momments i'm fine and then the next i just want to go postal, then i'm so sad i could kill myself. ok guess the lexapro isn't working.... i'm tired of hurting, inside and out... i'm tired of fussing on here. i want to be able to report good news just once. i don't like to be unhappy with life and all. i'm really kinda tired of it. i just don't know how else to be. wonder if he's thinking about me.... i hope he is.. i hope he's miserable without me... i hope he dreams about me and i am in his every thought. i want him to think about me more than he breaths. then he will know how it feels to be the me. he is cursed now, it is official. i have cursed him. nah nah nah. he will be miserable without me now. (and even if it doesn't work, i feel better knowing that the best of my evil powers tried to curse him)