Blowing off some steam
DAD!
My dad is driving me insane. He just keeps getting worse and worse! He yelled at me today because I have class tonight and he'll have to drive me because mom and Kaity are at work. He did nothing but put me down all day yesterday in front of my uncle. He just kept telling him and me how worthless I was and how much he would hate it if I became a lawyer and how I'm so stupid and lazy to not be in high school. He never does anything for me. He won't help me study, half of the time he won't drive me to class, he won't encourage me, he won't even leave me in peace. I can't stand him. After my uncle left yesterday I felt like I was going to cry. I was so crushed and so angry at the same time. I just got in the tub and filled it up as high as it could go and curled up, head and all, under the water in the fetal position until I felt like my lungs were going to explode.
He's supposed to be my dad. I feel like he doesn't love me at all. He's always treating me like dirt. He looks down on me, if he looks at me at all. He acts like I'm not his daughter anymore; like he's disowned me. We used to get along so well when I was younger. He called me "Daddy's Little Cutie Pie". Now what am I? I'm just some worthless waste of space in his house that is nothing but trouble to him. He just wants me gone, I know it. But you know what? I'm not going anywhere.
Yesterday, I blurted out to him and my uncle that I don't feel obligated to do anything for him anymore. After saying it, I realized that it's the truth. After he stopped feeling obligated to me, I must have stopped feeling obligated to him. Now, we're just feuding strangers stuck under one roof. It's horrible. He's my dad. Why can't he love me? ='(
I hate it here in this house. It's constant tension and anger and hate. I'm always afraid. He's made my entire life more stressful. It hurts knowing that I'm on my own in everything, even paying everything for my own graduate school.
Fine. I'll kick ass without him.