eahh
ok well i dont really have a lot to so i suppose. I have been feeling very alone the last couple of weeks. Seems like my friends dont want to be around me...not that i blame them. But then i think...do i have friends? Im not sure. I know a couple one or two for sure. But whats that mean lol. not a whole lot. I feel sheltered...unexposed...way differnt life style then i use to live. I think people dont see me the way i really am. I think people think im a preppy rich book worm. :/...maybe im wrong. Im wrong about a lot of things. I feel like dieing. I fee like going to sleep and not waking up. I could try the whole rope/ cord thing agian. That didnt work before. Pills dont work cuz they can pump ur stomach then stick u n a mental hospital. A gun is too noisey, messy and like they make me hessitate. There messey. My cousin shot his head off about two or three years ago. That was after he tried to fuck me. He desereved to die anyway...fuck head. It hurt the family though. I dont see the point in slitting writs cuz well frankly im just not so "emo" like that and its also messy. Anyway...im going to my dads this weekend. Its going to be his birthday. I went to get him a present today. I realized...i dont even know the man well enough to get him something. I think ill just stick with a card. Oah and well yeah ive come to the decision that Jesus...God...its all a hox...sry for Christians here i dont mean to offend you. Thats just how i feel.