Friend With Benefits - It's All About Control
Title: Friends with benefits
Pairing: Puck/Finn
Rating: M
Summary: The beginning was simple to mark. It started with a few beers, a break up and uncontrollable, raging hormones. Then Finn starts dating Rachel and that's the end. Or, at least they thought it was until Puck becomes alarmingly ill Puck/Finn Mpreg
Disclaimer: I don't own glee, yada, yada, this and that, you damn well know I don't.
"One ought to hold on to one's heart; for if one lets it go, one soon loses control of the head too."
Friedrick Nietzsche
Chapter 4 - It's all about control
Despite the fact Monday morning meant the first back to school, it was currently, by far one of Noah's favorite days of the week. It was for the simple reason that by the time his alarm rang, John, the latest dick-head in his mother's life, had left early for work. That meant he was free to make sure Sarah was up and ready to go without trying to rush her out the door to protect her from him, or his mother's spiteful moods.
Normally, when he wasn't spending time with Finn that didn't involve sex, or was in Glee or with Beth, his favorite part of his day was the first five second after he initially woke up. That was because for those heavenly five seconds, he couldn't remember anything, he was blissfully unaware of everything bar from Mrs. Greenslade's dog who lived next door and was woken up by the German shepherd every morning. He didn't remember his mom was clinically depressed and drugging her self up to deal with it. He didn't recall the cuts and bruises on her face that seemed almost permanent. And for those five seconds he was completely free of pain.
Then they ticked away and the soreness of his ribs and back where there again, burning his skin with the sickly realization that this was his life. That he was helpless to prevent it. Unable to stop John from making his mother feel worthless, then in return, making him feel useless because he couldn't stop it. That he couldn't prevent it from happening to himself, to her.
He had hoped, that maybe, just maybe, what he had started with Finn would have helped. Would have made him feel in control of his life for once. That not everything was spiraling out of control around him. He had never been in control, of anything, really. He couldn't control the fact his dad had left, leaving behind his self-destructive mother who would then turn to drugs and he couldn't find away to stop her from causing herself so much harm. He couldn't even convince Quinn to keep Beth. He instead ending up just going along with what she wanted, the fight long ago drained out of him, but the pain from the defeat still there. Hell, even his fling with Santana wasn't his doing, it was her who started. Her who wanted the popularity, her who wanted to gloat in front of everybody that he had been the one to take Puck, the local bad asses virginity. Yeah, right.
Yet, at the same time, he seemed to be the only person able to take control of his living situation. John had no personally control, he couldn't control his anger, his outbursts, and Puck was the only one brave enough to step in, to take the punches and kicks instead of his mother. Ruth was incompletely helpless and couldn't seem to prevent anything he did to her, couldn't beat her addiction, not for her sake, not for her children's sake.
But Puck was still the one picking up the pieces, making sure she didn't overdoes so Sarah didn't have to go through that. He was always the one holding her hair back when she was sick, always the one putting her back to bed…always the one taking the abuse so Sarah could be happy. Could grow up normal, and not messed up like him…Then there was Sarah, little innocent Sarah that until last month had never even heard about sex's, that still liked watching the power puff girls and coloring books and playing with her dolls. She was too young to be able to stop anything. She needed somebody to look after her, and Puck was the only one capable of doing that. Sarah needed him to protect her from John and Ruth's wrath, and Puck would be lying if he said he didn't need her just as much. He needed her innocence, her cheerfulness, her smiles. Just to remind him that there was some good in this world, that not everybody saw him as a fuck up.
Finn hadn't been unable to turn anything around for him. In fact, he was pretty sure he just dug himself a bigger hole by starting this whole 'friend's with benefits' aspect. He still couldn't get Sarah out of these situations they kept falling into. Couldn't prevent his mum from getting pushed around like a piece of trash. Couldn't stop himself from feeling like a failure of a son. The only real benefit for him was the brief escape it gave him. The chance to just forget, to relish the lose of tight rein of control he had over his life and just let be…
So those five seconds past, and he remained there, still, reluctant to leave the warmth of his bed. Because he knew that the second he got up, he would be forced to see this day through. To pretend that it didn't hurt every time he moved, every time somebody slapped him on the back, or the extra dance lesson at booty camp and football training. He just had to pretend. Pretending, that's what he had became good at now. Just pretending to be there, to still feel joy, to just maintain the ruse he had built up around him. Of happiness. Beth and Sarah were the only ones that made him truly happy now. And god, didn't he find that so fucking sad.
"Oh, for god sake," Finn muttered as he dropped the pattern again. "I'm never going to figure out this sewing thing."
Puck glanced up from the magazine he was flipping through.
"Puck, how did you do it?" Finn asked his friend, utterly confused and frustrated.
"I didn't," the tanned teen answered simply, returning back to his magazine.
Finn rolled his eyes. He had know idea how Puck had managed it, but somehow he had wormed his way into being, for the majority, the teacher's favorite student. It was weird since Puck almost never spoke to any of them, and on the rare incident he did, he was normally extremely short with them. Mrs. Heartens, the Home Ec teacher, was practically in love with him. It didn't make any sense.
"What are you gonna do when Mrs. Johnson asks you about the pillow?" He asked.
"Don't worry. I have mine."
"How?"
"That girl's making it."
"Which girl?"
Puck nodded his head to a table filled with a group of Cheerio's on the other side of the room. Finn arched a brow at the group of girls that were staring all dreamy eyed at their table. Finn recognized one of the girls as Cindy Peterson. She had been asking both him and Finn out for the last month and a half. He hadn't even known she was in this class. If he had paid more attention, he could have definitely gotten her to do this project for him.
"Damn it Puck! Why didn't you tell me Cindy was in this class?"
"Because you should be more observant Finnegan" Puck spat out sharply, causing Finn to frown. What the hell? He thought.
"Can you not call me that? Use my actual name." He sighed.
"I did," Puck replied stubbornly.
"Dude, you know I don't like it. It's…weird."
Puck raised an eye-brow, "And Finn isn't?"
"Look, when ever you call me that I'll call you Noah."
Puck narrowed his eyes. "You better be glad nobody heard that."
Finn chuckled lightly and asked, "Why don't you like your name for?"
"Because."
"Because?" The taller boy prompted.
"Because it's not badass dude, Noah's not the type of name that strikes fear into people. And it's certainly not the type of name people imagine screaming out during sex."
Finn raised and eyebrow, "SO you use Puck cause it sounds sexer."
Puck looked at him hard and Finn was afraid he was about to hit him. Instead he turned back to his magazine and ignored him. Sighing, Finn raised his arm and said, "Mrs. Johnson?"
The old teacher looked up from her grade book. "Yes Finn?"
"I need help."
"All right," the slim, blond teacher stood from her desk and walked over to their table. After about five minute she explained his mistake to him and showed him how to fix it. She then looked at Puck.
"Puck where is your pillow?"
"It's done," he said never looking up from his magazine.
"Oh," was all she got out before the bell rung. The class quickly hurried out the room.
After stopping momentarily at Finn's locker to drop off their books, the boys proceeded to the cafeteria for lunch. After buying their lunches, they moved to their table.
"-you will not believe it! I tried on my tennis uniform yesterday and my hips could barely fit in the skirt. That's why I'm going on a diet this instant."
Santana didn't say anything as she watched Tina steal fries off Roey;s plate as she spoke.
Mike slipped into the seat next to her and sat his plates on the table. He wrapped an arm around her waist and pulled her back against his chest.
"You can't go on a diet, Tina," he murmured against her neck.
"Oh yeah? Why not?" Tina said a small smile playing her lips.
"Because then I won't have anything to hold on to," he said nipping at her neck.
Finn smiled at the two. Obviously things were better since this morning after their first argument ever.
"Actually Mike, I think the woman's right. She is getting a little round around the edges," Puck commented from his seat across the table between Artie and Rory.
"Oh, fuck you, Puck," Tina said, glaring at him as he smirked.
"Been there, done that," Puck stated, popping a chicken nugget in his mouth and receiving a chuckle from Santana, Artie, Rory and Blaine. Tina narrowed her eyes and tossed a French fry at him playfully, which he easily dodged.
Rory looked towards the door then looked around his table. "Hey, has anyone seen Rachel?"
"She was late for Chem. this morning," Puck said giving Rory a knowing look. When Rory reddened slightly, knowing it had been his fault, Puck continued. "Old man Davis told her she had to make up the lab during lunch as punishment." He said, shrugging and rolling his half eaten potato around the plate.
"That sucks, because we were supposed to hand out flyers for her president's company during lunch," Rory said looking at the stack of flyers on the able in front of him.
"It shouldn't take her all lunch. It only took me ten minutes to finish," Puck said nonchalantly.
As if she had heard them talking about her, Rachel entered the room at that moment. She walked quickly over to the table and seeing that there were no available chairs Brittany quickly stood up and slid in to Rory's lap, blind to Santana's glare and Rory's blush. Rachel quickly surveying the array of goodies on the table, she snatched a delicious looking green apple off Puck's plate, receiving a scowl from him. He would never admit it but Rachel knew that Puck didn't eat apples. He had gotten it for her because he knew she wouldn't have time to get anything else. As she took a bite out off the apple, she smiled her thanks at him. Puck smirked in return and returned his attention to his plate.
Rachel looked around the table. "Hi guys, I'm sorry I'm so late. Did I miss anything important?"
"Nothing much, I was just about to ask about Finn's birthday party on Friday," Tina filled her in.
"This party is going to be the best! My mom has already hired the caterer," Finn said excitedly. The Glee club where all going to take turns singing at his party to save on the cost, just like they did at prom.
"Well then I say we start handing out flyers," Artie said.
"Yeah I want everyone there. Puck, will you help too? I know you know a lot of people from other schools and you too Santana, can you hand them out on the college campus."
"Sure I'll give them out this afternoon," Santana said offhandedly, her lack of a spitefully comment causing them all to frown and share a look.
"And I'll do it after the baseball game," Puck muttered.
"Speaking of baseball, you guys are all coming to the games tonight, right?" Mike asked. He, Rory and Blaine were all on the teams and tonight was the first game of the season.
"Yeah of course, we are," Rachel exclaimed.
"Why would we when we all know you're gonna kick their asses?" Puck asked with a frown.
"Because you want to root your friends on," Tina supplied helpfully.
"Oh don't pay any mind to Puck. He'll be there," Rachel said as she stood. She picked up the flyers off the table and leaned over on the table to kiss Puck's cheek. Finn frowned but choose not to comment on it. His and Rachel weren't dating anymore, and they were just friends, he told himself. "Come on ladies. We have flyers to hand out!"
After kissing her boyfriend Tina followed Rachel out.
Puck slipped into a pair of comfortable old blue jeans. Fresh out of the shower, he walked over to his computer to check his Facebook. He had multiply notification, most of them to do with the pictures he had posted of him a Beth. There was two of him and Finn, one of them was both of them sat opposite each other on the bench in Finn's back garden at the Halloween party was taken with a pint of beer, saying cheers to the camera as it was took. The other one was one he had found on his computer the other day. It was from a few year's ago. Back when Puck still went by Noah and had long hair that curled up around his ears. They had been thirteen then, it was back before the accident, back when they were all happy. They both had face paint on, a KISS theme. Puck was sticking out his tongue, with one arm around Finn's. It was before their first growth spurt and back when Puck was a scrawny little rat as his ma used to say. Puck smiled at the memory. It was before John had same in to his life. Before the accident. He wished he could just go back there sometimes…
After replying to a few comments he logged off and checked the time.
Damn! The boys' game started in fifteen minutes. He walked over to his dresser and pulled out a long-sleeved white shirt.
Ruth crossed her arms and leaned against the door frame as she watched her son. His back was to her and she watched as he pulled the shirt over his head and down his torso. Her eyes caught the dark purple bruises littered on his lower back. She immediately lowered her eyes, guilt washing over her.
Puck slipped his wallet in his back pocket and grabbed his keys. As he turned he gave her a questioning look. He had known she was there along.
Ruth gave him a small smile. "Are you going out tonight?"
"Yes." Puck lowered his eyes a moment in indecision. "Maybe I shouldn't-"
Ruth quickly shook her head. "Don't even think about it. You need to get out and have some fun. I'll be just fine."
Puck grunted and walked towards the door. He stopped momentarily to let her precede him to the stairs. They walked down the stairs and out the front door in silence. At the door he walked past her and out to his car while she watched him from the doorway. Just as he unlocked and opened the door to his old truck, the sounds of REO Speedwagen Can't fight this feeling any more came basing down the street.
Both mother and son looked up as Finn's red old Camero convertible pulled up to the curb. He turned down the music got out the car. He then smiled brightly, ignoring the cut and bruise above Ruth's eyebrow.
"Hi Mrs. Puckerman!" He waved.
"Hello Finn," Puck's mother said smiling softly.
"What are you doing here?" Puck asked.
"I figured it was stupid for the two of us to waste gas driving two cars alone. So you're riding with me Noa-Noa." He mocked, coping the name his sister insisted on calling him.
"I don't think so," Puck said preparing to climb into his car.
"Puck, why don't you ride with him? He drove all the way over here," his mother suggested.
"Yeah, Puck. I drove all the way over here," Finn pouted.
Puck rolled his eyes and closed the car door. He walked over to the car and crossed his arms as he frowned up at him. "Why are you really here?" He said, quiet enough that his mother didn't hear him.
He smiled as he leaned down and said in his best hushed tone of voice. "You didn't leave your phone on. Get in."
Puck sighed and climbed into the car. Finn slipped back into his seat and as he clicked his seat belt into place, he waved at Puck's mother.
"Bye Mrs. Puckerman. I promise to have him home before curfew."
"Bye. You two have fun."
Finn put his foot to the gas and pulled away from the curb with the reckless abandon of the average teenager. As they flew along Finn glanced at his companion. "Can I ask you something?"
Puck looked over at him, raising an eye-brow. "What?"
Finn cleared his throat self-consciously from Puck's dark stare. "Where did…where did you and your mum get all those bruises from."
From the corner of his eye he saw Puck frown and look away, after a long pause, he said, "So are you going to tell me?"
"I don't want to talk about it."
Finn sighed and shrugged. Puck would tell him eventually. "So you are coming to my party, right?" He asked, changing the subject.
"No."
Finn smiled. "Great! You're going to have a great time Puck. So," he asked, "what are you getting me for my birthday?"
"Have I ever gotten you anything before?"
Finn rolled his eyes. "I was hoping you'd want to start a new trend this year."
"Sorry to disappoint you," Puck said sarcastically.
"You know, if you keep being mean to me, I may just stop talking to you," Finn warned.
"Is that a threat or a promise?" Puck asked in mock confusion.
Finn scowled at him then turned up the music as We Need a Resolution came on. Putting the petal to the metal, he sped towards the school.
They got there to find the game already in full swing. They searched the crown until they found their group. Finn touched Puck's arm lately and the tanned teen tried desperately to ignore the small electric shook he felt. "There over there," he said over the crown.
The two made their way up the stairs and Finn slide in between Kurt and his mum while Puck sat below him, next to Rachel.
Fifteen minutes in to the game and Puck felt his phone vibrate so quickly pulled it out to see a text from Santana, asking to meet him. He quietly excused himself and made his way outside the school's toilets.
Half an hour later Puck stepped out of the toilet stool, pulling the zip of his trousers up as he watched Santana readjust his hair. He walked up behind her and watched her as she pulled something out from her purse. Santana tore the package and then swallowed the two tablets that fell into her hands.
"What are those?" he asked curiously.
Santana frowned and glared at him. "What are you? The police? Why is it any of your business?"
Puck took a step back. "I was just asking."
Santana sniffed and went back to fixing her hair. "I haven't been sleeping well. They just something to give me a pick me up."
"You mean like caffeine tablets?"
The Latina rolled her eyes. "Yes Puck, like caffeine tablets."
Puck crossed his arms, not likening the fact she was taking any type of drugs. "Be careful. I hear they are additive," he warned.
Santana rolled her eyes again and hissed, "I've already got a whore of a mother, I don't need a second one."
"What is your problem?" Puck hissed out.
Looking him straight in the eyes she said, "Right now, you."
Puck sighed, his shoulders sagging. "Santana-"
"No, Puck. Don't even fucking start. I text you for a shag, not to fucking talk."
"I'm just trying to help," he insisted. "Look, I know this thing with Brit is hard but-"
"Oh, you're one to fucking lecture me, aren't you! Don't you think I've seen the way you look at that giant dumb ass who would probably tie his shoe laces together and end up fucking up his fugly face even more? So don't go around telling me what I should and shouldn't do. Not until you can sort out your own fucking life first."
Puck didn't have time to come out with a retort as he grabbed her purse and stormed out, leaving Puck alone and dumbfounded in the girls toilets.
By the time Puck left the woman's toilets the game was already over, making him feel even more shity about himself for missing it. He made his way to Finn's car and waited there in the cold for him.
It was fifteen minutes later he showed up, "What's wrong with you?" Finn asked, noticing the miserable expression on his face.
"Nothing," Puck replied, slipping into the car as Finn opened it. "Just drive."
The drive home was much too silent and tense for Finn's liking. As he pulled up to the curb he turned to look at Puck and said, "You're home."
"Nice observation." For a moment the taller teen just stared at him, making him nervous. When he could no longer stand it, he asked, "What?"
Finn frowned, looking his friend up and down. "Dude, you'v been in a rotten mood all day." Softly he asked, his eyes understanding "What's wrong man? You know you can talk to me."
Puck looked up into his eyes for a moment before turning away and stepping out of the car, closing the door behind him then leant down to ask, "I've got to babysit Sarah tomorrow.." he paused for a moment. "Ma' working the night shift and her boyfriend isn't home, so I was wondering if you want to hang out…They both miss you." Slowly, Finn nodded. "'kay. Night," was all he said before disappearing into the dark.
Well, I hope that was worth your time then. Please review and tell me what you thought.