The dangers of airing 'dirty laundry' on Facebook.
This isn't a rant exactly, just me feeling thoughtful about something.
A friend of my mom's has me friended on Facebook. I don't actually know this woman at all; I think I just friended her back because I was like ' ... Okay, whatever. Sure, why not.' I really just have a Facebook account to keep track of my relatives, and they never read most of my posts anyway, so.
Well, earlier today my mom's friend made a post with a picture of her sister, claiming that this woman is a bitch and ranting about some things she's done that hurt her family. I will admit that I think the picture is going a bit far, but what really got me about it was the reaction. Most of the people who replied were like 'Why the hell are you posting about this on Facebook? Keep family business private.' She actually ended up posting an apology an hour later, promising that she wouldn't do it again. The first reply to that was that 'No one likes dirty laundry but if it makes you feel better ... '
Now, I'll be the first to admit that I'm biased. After Blowing Smoke, I've been a very firm supporter of speaking your mind despite the consequences it had. Because even though it created a rift between my parents and I, it still made an important difference in my life. It brought me closer to a lot of my internet friends and introduced me to some very special new ones. It started me down the path of being more self-confident and becoming proud of the person I am, becoming proud to be *who* I am, flaws and all. I'm a better person for it, and even if I might not have wished for everything to happen the way it did, I would never take that choice back. I wouldn't be *me* without it. Without everyone who was a part of it.
That being said, seeing that post from my mom's friend made me feel the need to reply to her apology for the first post. I told her that it's always better to say what you feel rather than bottling it up inside until you explode, and that no matter how public her rant may have been, hiding what you really think will never change anything. I added that I hoped she felt better for getting it out in the open, which is what really matters.
Her daughter (I think? I don't know this person, but I'm assuming that's who she is from her comment.) replied to that post as well, saying that she agreed with the idea of getting it out, but that she would rather my mother's friend had called someone else to vent, or gone to talk to the trees. That Facebook is too public for family business. Though she did add that she hoped her mother felt better for it.
I haven't replied because I'm not sure that it's my place, but it made me think. I *do* see her point. For one, this was not a locked post. It was totally public, and anyone who knows her mother can read it. And I can see that she may have felt embarassed and upset that her own feelings weren't considered first. So she does have a right to be upset.
On the other hand, what is talking to the trees going to accomplish? Yes, it means speaking out your feelings and getting the chance to rant. But you can't change anything that way. Quietly ranting to a friend will get things off your chest, but again, it doesn't change the source of the problem. All you end up doing is letting it happen again, and having to rant all over again. Change isn't going to happen by keeping silent. And airing your problems to a select group isn't change; it's just delaying the inevitable explosion.
Maybe I'm just feeling sensitive because this is a thought very close to my heart. After all, as I told challon86 in a quote from my novel the other day, 'As we learn from the stars, we learn that change can be beautiful.' And in my case, I was very lucky. Because the changes that were brought to me have been amazingly beautiful, and I'm thankful for them everyday. ♥
A friend of my mom's has me friended on Facebook. I don't actually know this woman at all; I think I just friended her back because I was like ' ... Okay, whatever. Sure, why not.' I really just have a Facebook account to keep track of my relatives, and they never read most of my posts anyway, so.
Well, earlier today my mom's friend made a post with a picture of her sister, claiming that this woman is a bitch and ranting about some things she's done that hurt her family. I will admit that I think the picture is going a bit far, but what really got me about it was the reaction. Most of the people who replied were like 'Why the hell are you posting about this on Facebook? Keep family business private.' She actually ended up posting an apology an hour later, promising that she wouldn't do it again. The first reply to that was that 'No one likes dirty laundry but if it makes you feel better ... '
Now, I'll be the first to admit that I'm biased. After Blowing Smoke, I've been a very firm supporter of speaking your mind despite the consequences it had. Because even though it created a rift between my parents and I, it still made an important difference in my life. It brought me closer to a lot of my internet friends and introduced me to some very special new ones. It started me down the path of being more self-confident and becoming proud of the person I am, becoming proud to be *who* I am, flaws and all. I'm a better person for it, and even if I might not have wished for everything to happen the way it did, I would never take that choice back. I wouldn't be *me* without it. Without everyone who was a part of it.
That being said, seeing that post from my mom's friend made me feel the need to reply to her apology for the first post. I told her that it's always better to say what you feel rather than bottling it up inside until you explode, and that no matter how public her rant may have been, hiding what you really think will never change anything. I added that I hoped she felt better for getting it out in the open, which is what really matters.
Her daughter (I think? I don't know this person, but I'm assuming that's who she is from her comment.) replied to that post as well, saying that she agreed with the idea of getting it out, but that she would rather my mother's friend had called someone else to vent, or gone to talk to the trees. That Facebook is too public for family business. Though she did add that she hoped her mother felt better for it.
I haven't replied because I'm not sure that it's my place, but it made me think. I *do* see her point. For one, this was not a locked post. It was totally public, and anyone who knows her mother can read it. And I can see that she may have felt embarassed and upset that her own feelings weren't considered first. So she does have a right to be upset.
On the other hand, what is talking to the trees going to accomplish? Yes, it means speaking out your feelings and getting the chance to rant. But you can't change anything that way. Quietly ranting to a friend will get things off your chest, but again, it doesn't change the source of the problem. All you end up doing is letting it happen again, and having to rant all over again. Change isn't going to happen by keeping silent. And airing your problems to a select group isn't change; it's just delaying the inevitable explosion.
Maybe I'm just feeling sensitive because this is a thought very close to my heart. After all, as I told challon86 in a quote from my novel the other day, 'As we learn from the stars, we learn that change can be beautiful.' And in my case, I was very lucky. Because the changes that were brought to me have been amazingly beautiful, and I'm thankful for them everyday. ♥