After much ranting, raging, bitchy, glowering, and eating dinner, I eventually decided to bite the bullet and take
solarbaby614's advice, seconded by
purplestripe66, and do an uninstall/reinstall of Paint Shop Pro 8. The reasons I'd been hesitating to do so were that first, it required me digging through boxes trying to figure out where the hell the damn disk went, and second, I don't have the CD key on this one. But I couldn't find any other solutions; the closest I came was discovering that the program seemed to think it was already displaying the menu bar, and refused to believe that it wasn't.
So, I dug around, finally found my disk after much complaining (and mocking by Ruby), and did the uninstall/reinstall.
♥♥ IT WORKS. ♥♥
-Is beyond happy- And now, I can go back to torturing people and attempting to make my Bloody Eric banner. -Beams-
P.S. I love you
solarbaby614 and
purplestripe66. You are both awesome and wise. Thank you. ♥