On top of the suit case
Yesterday, I broke down after a long day. My mom and I had a tearful goodbye. There was tension between my mom and sister that I couldn't stand. I had nothing to say to Lissa. My mom telling me not to spend so much money. Packing to come. Cleaning. Cats. Loving my friends too much. No time to breathe, even if having sushi and Karaoke was a lot of fun.
I keep telling myself and others tell me the same that "It's only for three months". It's true and that it's not for that long. I guess it feels like a long while just from where I am sitting now. In reality, it isn't the case. We are rather attached....
I don't quite know where I am going with this. I just know that I love everyone so much. It hit me. Yesterday, I was in an incredibly stressed out place and it still stands today. I haven't had much time for myself and the inenvitable change was unconsciously seeping into my conscious slowly. Keeping busy for the past two weeks was done on purpose yet I, also, realize that I don't regret being with the most precious people to me.
Last night, my Karaoke songs even took on a sad tone. Songs from the late fifties and early sixties that are simply yearning. People said I wasn't a downer, which was a relief to hear because I am such an image point. I really was trying not to be. Waves would take their toll on me inwardly and I really hate getting upset in front of others. I want to be the stable person with no problems whom people can go to for anything.
I think seeing Emmit leave really pushed me over the edge and it reminded me things will change even in a small way but changes have always been incurring anyway. I guess the change isn't so dramatic because I will see everyone again. I just saw Emmit looking clueless and it really got to me. Then after that, it washed into other things, like the friends I am going to miss. I feel like my feelings were so intense at that time but now I feel a little blank but not terrible either.
I guess I hate saying "Goodbyes" even if it isn't really goodbye. I will have a phone and IMs and knowing every one's sleeping patterns helps a lot. I only wish I were more accessible.
I still have to pack and while I am awake, I am not in the mood really. I think from the sounds of it, people must be thinking, "Why are you leaving if so much pain is involved?". Some part of me wanted to do this for happier reasons when I initially signed up and there is growth to be had in my life. This isn't to say that I am feeling pain on purpose but you know what I am getting at. You never know how one will react to certain situations. It's predictable and unpredictable for me. I am not doing much else and it will prove that I can do things. It's natural to feel this way.
If I did not get this is in, I will miss everyone and everything will be okay.
I keep telling myself and others tell me the same that "It's only for three months". It's true and that it's not for that long. I guess it feels like a long while just from where I am sitting now. In reality, it isn't the case. We are rather attached....
I don't quite know where I am going with this. I just know that I love everyone so much. It hit me. Yesterday, I was in an incredibly stressed out place and it still stands today. I haven't had much time for myself and the inenvitable change was unconsciously seeping into my conscious slowly. Keeping busy for the past two weeks was done on purpose yet I, also, realize that I don't regret being with the most precious people to me.
Last night, my Karaoke songs even took on a sad tone. Songs from the late fifties and early sixties that are simply yearning. People said I wasn't a downer, which was a relief to hear because I am such an image point. I really was trying not to be. Waves would take their toll on me inwardly and I really hate getting upset in front of others. I want to be the stable person with no problems whom people can go to for anything.
I think seeing Emmit leave really pushed me over the edge and it reminded me things will change even in a small way but changes have always been incurring anyway. I guess the change isn't so dramatic because I will see everyone again. I just saw Emmit looking clueless and it really got to me. Then after that, it washed into other things, like the friends I am going to miss. I feel like my feelings were so intense at that time but now I feel a little blank but not terrible either.
I guess I hate saying "Goodbyes" even if it isn't really goodbye. I will have a phone and IMs and knowing every one's sleeping patterns helps a lot. I only wish I were more accessible.
I still have to pack and while I am awake, I am not in the mood really. I think from the sounds of it, people must be thinking, "Why are you leaving if so much pain is involved?". Some part of me wanted to do this for happier reasons when I initially signed up and there is growth to be had in my life. This isn't to say that I am feeling pain on purpose but you know what I am getting at. You never know how one will react to certain situations. It's predictable and unpredictable for me. I am not doing much else and it will prove that I can do things. It's natural to feel this way.
If I did not get this is in, I will miss everyone and everything will be okay.