Racist Katherine
One week before summer began, I received this phone call, "We apologize, but the city of Chicago has decided to terminate your position." So I lost my job before I even started. Instead, I got a job working in admissions at the Brookfield Zoo.
I have to be honest with you. Working at the zoo has made me incredibly hateful of foreigners (yes, I know that I am a foreigner). I swear that the only people who EVER visit the zoo are foreigners. In fact, when black people come to my window, I become extremely elated that I can interact with a customer who actually speaks English (be wary of the white ones, they're probably Polish).
So here are some comical short stories (written in play form) about my recent adventures at work:
"Story I : TREE"
( Indian man comes to the window. )
Indian Man: "Want tree teekets."
Katherine: "Excuse me, sir? You want three tickets?"
Indian Man: "No, want TREE teekets. TREE."
Katherine: "Three tickets, sir?"
Indian Man: "No, no, no want. Want TREE. WANT TREE."
Katherine: "...Uhhh."
( Katherine gives Indian man three tickets. )
"Story II : Angry Polish"
( Woman with blonde hair, blue eyes walks to the window. )
Polish Woman: "I give you card."
( Woman gives Katherine one of the zoo membership cards, which entitles members and their personal guests free entry into the zoo. )
Katherine: "Ma'am, may I please see a photo ID? We need to verify that you are the member named on this card."
Polish Woman: "No, I not member."
Katherine: "Huh?"
Polish Woman: "I nanny of baby."
( She points to a little girl in a stroller; she is trying to explain that she was hired to babysit the girl and her employers gave her the card to go to the zoo. )
Katherine: "Ma'am, I am going to have to call this in and verify that the actual member is allowing you to use this card."
( Suddenly, the woman's cellphone rings. She answers it and starts yelling in angry Polish while the line of customers behind her looks really uncomfortable. )
( ...Ten minutes later, she's done yelling on the phone. )
Katherine: "You know what, ma'am? Just take this card and go in the zoo. It's fine."
Polish Woman: "I want dolphin."
( ...Ten more minutes pass as I try to explain to her that she has to pay extra money if she wants to see the dolphin exhibit... Other customers continue to look uncomfortable as she begins yelling in Polish again. )
"Story III : Even the Hispanics in New Mexico Speak English Better than These People"
( A group of Mexicans come to the window. )
Mexican Man: "You give me one 8, two 4."
( NOTE: Adult tickets for the zoo cost $8 for adults and $4 for children. )
Katherine: "So you have one adult and two children, correct?"
Mexican Man: "No. ONE 8, TWO 4."
Katherine: "Uhhh...so that's one adult and two children."
Mexican Man: "No, no. Don't want. You give me ONE 8, TWO 4."
( I give him one adult ticket and two children tickets... )
"Story IV : More Mexican Fun"
( A Mexican woman walks up to the window, where I am renting out red wagons and blue strollers. )
Mexican Woman: "Red! Red!"
Katherine: "Excuse me, what do you need?"
Mexican Woman: "Red!"
Katherine: "Uhh...you want a wagon?"
Mexican Woman: "Red?"
Katherine: "Ok, ma'am, I'll need the last 4 numbers of your telephone number."
( NOTE: When renting strollers and wagons, the zoo requires the last 4 digits of a person's phone number for ID purposes when the wagon is returned later. )
Mexican Woman: "No. No English."
Katherine: "Phone number, ma'am. PHONE."
( Katherine grabs a nearby cellphone to show her the number pad of the phone. )
Mexican Woman: "No. I have no cell."
( Katherine bangs head against wall. )
One of our coworkers made the joke that the perfect combination would be a Mexican man married to an Indian woman, because no one would be able to understand what they were saying at all.
I have to be honest with you. Working at the zoo has made me incredibly hateful of foreigners (yes, I know that I am a foreigner). I swear that the only people who EVER visit the zoo are foreigners. In fact, when black people come to my window, I become extremely elated that I can interact with a customer who actually speaks English (be wary of the white ones, they're probably Polish).
So here are some comical short stories (written in play form) about my recent adventures at work:
"Story I : TREE"
( Indian man comes to the window. )
Indian Man: "Want tree teekets."
Katherine: "Excuse me, sir? You want three tickets?"
Indian Man: "No, want TREE teekets. TREE."
Katherine: "Three tickets, sir?"
Indian Man: "No, no, no want. Want TREE. WANT TREE."
Katherine: "...Uhhh."
( Katherine gives Indian man three tickets. )
"Story II : Angry Polish"
( Woman with blonde hair, blue eyes walks to the window. )
Polish Woman: "I give you card."
( Woman gives Katherine one of the zoo membership cards, which entitles members and their personal guests free entry into the zoo. )
Katherine: "Ma'am, may I please see a photo ID? We need to verify that you are the member named on this card."
Polish Woman: "No, I not member."
Katherine: "Huh?"
Polish Woman: "I nanny of baby."
( She points to a little girl in a stroller; she is trying to explain that she was hired to babysit the girl and her employers gave her the card to go to the zoo. )
Katherine: "Ma'am, I am going to have to call this in and verify that the actual member is allowing you to use this card."
( Suddenly, the woman's cellphone rings. She answers it and starts yelling in angry Polish while the line of customers behind her looks really uncomfortable. )
( ...Ten minutes later, she's done yelling on the phone. )
Katherine: "You know what, ma'am? Just take this card and go in the zoo. It's fine."
Polish Woman: "I want dolphin."
( ...Ten more minutes pass as I try to explain to her that she has to pay extra money if she wants to see the dolphin exhibit... Other customers continue to look uncomfortable as she begins yelling in Polish again. )
"Story III : Even the Hispanics in New Mexico Speak English Better than These People"
( A group of Mexicans come to the window. )
Mexican Man: "You give me one 8, two 4."
( NOTE: Adult tickets for the zoo cost $8 for adults and $4 for children. )
Katherine: "So you have one adult and two children, correct?"
Mexican Man: "No. ONE 8, TWO 4."
Katherine: "Uhhh...so that's one adult and two children."
Mexican Man: "No, no. Don't want. You give me ONE 8, TWO 4."
( I give him one adult ticket and two children tickets... )
"Story IV : More Mexican Fun"
( A Mexican woman walks up to the window, where I am renting out red wagons and blue strollers. )
Mexican Woman: "Red! Red!"
Katherine: "Excuse me, what do you need?"
Mexican Woman: "Red!"
Katherine: "Uhh...you want a wagon?"
Mexican Woman: "Red?"
Katherine: "Ok, ma'am, I'll need the last 4 numbers of your telephone number."
( NOTE: When renting strollers and wagons, the zoo requires the last 4 digits of a person's phone number for ID purposes when the wagon is returned later. )
Mexican Woman: "No. No English."
Katherine: "Phone number, ma'am. PHONE."
( Katherine grabs a nearby cellphone to show her the number pad of the phone. )
Mexican Woman: "No. I have no cell."
( Katherine bangs head against wall. )
One of our coworkers made the joke that the perfect combination would be a Mexican man married to an Indian woman, because no one would be able to understand what they were saying at all.