(no subject)
Very weird things are going on.
Two night ago I woke up.. and I swear im not crazy and I swear this is what I saw with my eyes.. but i sat up i was looking at the wall and my shadow sat up further then i did.. much further, and then came back to me, without me moving. I froze.. It scared the living piss out of me, but I brushed it off as I woke up but hadn't quite left my dream yet.. not that I recall that I was even dreaming at all, but whatever..
Yesterday I felt decent.. which felt AMAZING since I've been so down for so long.. so I was very excited about this.
But then last night was the worst night yet. I havent slept since yesterday but for two seperate half-hour naps sometime in the middle of the night. I think its the medicine.. I wish it wasn't because i felt good yesterday and i feel ok now too.. but I swear I've been hallucinating. I know I''m not psychotic..and I know the shit I'm seeing isn't really there.. but I see it.. with my eyes.. I really see it.. clear as can be. And its the scariest shit.. like a bad trip. This happened to me once when I was 9 and I wasn't on any medication at all.. and it never happened again.
This is one thing that is really unacceptable. Theres NO WAY I can let it continue.. I will go (literally) insane.
My decision making is already seeming to go down the tube.. Im being very implusive and doing stupid shit like writing hate-mail to my ex.
I've also been trying really hard to get attention from my mother, who is amazing and gives me plenty attention, but im like acting out to get her attention like i did when i was little. Its very weird. Its like I'm reverting back to my child self.. but I am aware of it at the same time.. but when Im doing it I cant think about it and its just frustrating and crappy and @$*Q& i dont know.
I also havent eaten in a rediculous period of time. But I can't seem to get myself to eat anything yet. I will, its not like I dont have enough blubber for my body to eat of itself to hold me over a little before death. :) ((that was sarcasm folks.))
WHEW I feel like a CRAZyYyYy.
and I'm very embarrassed about this entry but oh well.
The thought just crossed my mind that I really wish I could write something nice in here.
Two night ago I woke up.. and I swear im not crazy and I swear this is what I saw with my eyes.. but i sat up i was looking at the wall and my shadow sat up further then i did.. much further, and then came back to me, without me moving. I froze.. It scared the living piss out of me, but I brushed it off as I woke up but hadn't quite left my dream yet.. not that I recall that I was even dreaming at all, but whatever..
Yesterday I felt decent.. which felt AMAZING since I've been so down for so long.. so I was very excited about this.
But then last night was the worst night yet. I havent slept since yesterday but for two seperate half-hour naps sometime in the middle of the night. I think its the medicine.. I wish it wasn't because i felt good yesterday and i feel ok now too.. but I swear I've been hallucinating. I know I''m not psychotic..and I know the shit I'm seeing isn't really there.. but I see it.. with my eyes.. I really see it.. clear as can be. And its the scariest shit.. like a bad trip. This happened to me once when I was 9 and I wasn't on any medication at all.. and it never happened again.
This is one thing that is really unacceptable. Theres NO WAY I can let it continue.. I will go (literally) insane.
My decision making is already seeming to go down the tube.. Im being very implusive and doing stupid shit like writing hate-mail to my ex.
I've also been trying really hard to get attention from my mother, who is amazing and gives me plenty attention, but im like acting out to get her attention like i did when i was little. Its very weird. Its like I'm reverting back to my child self.. but I am aware of it at the same time.. but when Im doing it I cant think about it and its just frustrating and crappy and @$*Q& i dont know.
I also havent eaten in a rediculous period of time. But I can't seem to get myself to eat anything yet. I will, its not like I dont have enough blubber for my body to eat of itself to hold me over a little before death. :) ((that was sarcasm folks.))
WHEW I feel like a CRAZyYyYy.
and I'm very embarrassed about this entry but oh well.
The thought just crossed my mind that I really wish I could write something nice in here.