People Armed with Knives are Dangerous to Anger
My chef instructor this term, for my restaurant cooking class, if terribly terribly bull-headed and temper-mental (emphasis on mental). Day one of this term he singled me out to be his fall guy. Not a single day of class since have I been given the chance to breath. It got so bad last week I tried to walk out of the class. Had my very first chef instructor not been there to stop me, I would have, and I would have failed the class.
There are no words to express the terror, rage and frustration with which I await every day of class. I understand there is always a fall guy, but being yelled at so consistently for so many things in which I have no control has crushed my spirits in a major way. I still love to cook and I am suffering my way through this. I just have not had much will to RP. Ironic because I could really use a chance to destroy and kill things.
I try not to let it get to me but he is unfailingly ragging on me all term. He holds the fact that he can fail me over my head at any time. While I understand, or hope at least, that he is doing this to bring out the 'best' in me, I will break soon if it does not end. I have four more weeks of this hell before my life returns to the simplicity of regular classes.
I've barely eaten or slept in weeks and I spend most of my nights fitfully tossing and turning, thinking of all the things I should make sure I do to try and get my chef to actually acknowledge I am worth a damn and not worthless.
Add this to the frustrating situation of my home life, a whole new rant for another day, and my inability to get a job within 60 miles of my house, and you have one spiritually and mentally fucked the hell up kid. I don't know how much longer I can stand for the bull shit that goes on in my life. I just want to scream and run away and hide.
If not for the sturdy rock in my life that is my girlfriend, I can guarantee you I would be a nervous wreck rocking in a corner somewhere. Despite the distance that separates us, she is like the duct tape that holds my universe together.