Random Hodge podge and free write poem
Can I just say that Sprint is really doing a number on my ass. My phone bills are getting exponentially larger in shorter periods of time. This shit's for the birds.
My time near a computer where I can post is so limited that I end up doing long, infrequent posts with hodgepodges of information that I've been wanting to post about for a while. It's one of many reasons why I've been keeping many things public (and plan to continue to do so.) Folks should get to see the good and the bad, cause that's what's for real. Also, in terms of journal safe-ness and all that, part of it starts with me. My journal continues to be unsafe when I let myself be censored, and hidden and locked up. It doesn't all come from me, but part of it does. And when I'm doing me, the way I want to do it, the changes that need to be made will become breathtakingly apparent, instead of silently hovering there.
I noticed a flurry of black people/ black history programming on television this weekend that I haven't really seen the rest of the month. Guess we don't even get the whole month anymore.
I watched the movie Hollywood Shuffle this weekend. Good stuff man.
And finally, a free-write poem I did last week when I was laying in bed and couldn't sleep. Don't steal my shit. Copyright me. Even if my writing sucks sometimes it should suck with my name on it, lol. Enjoy :)
Belief
I remember taking a chance
I remember going to sleep feeling loved
I remember wanting and needing
Slipping
Falling
And then breaking
I remember the first love that I believed in
I believed in possibility and future
In souls and soulmates
I believed in rainy days and sweaty bodies
fertilized eggs and promises
made before God and the Federation
I believed in want satisfied and needs fulfilled
And dreams too big to defer
But the past tense is the landlord that throws you out on the street when the present can’t pay the rent
And my belief was the 10 year old who sees mama putting the presents under the tree in the middle of the night and realizes santa ain’t real
Cause unless you live on 34th Street and God sends you a miracle
The belief ain’t coming back
And when you meet that bearded white man that shows you the meaning of Christmas and life
You’re grateful
But he ain’t the Santa you left cookies for at age 5
Or the Santa that got you a brand new 10-speed at 9 even thought money was tight
He’s the Santa that brings tube socks and ties
Sweaters and appliances
The Santa who gives gifts with predetermined spending amounts
To keep the emotions under control
He’s the Santa you need to get through the holidays, but not the one that makes you happy
He’s the Santa that let’s you breathe
But not the one that made the midnight air taste like ice cream
I’m too old for Santas
But I still believe
I believe in passion
I believe in souls
I believe in knowing and discovering
I believe in beauty and power
And want and need
I believe in relationships and futures
In gametes and kept promises
I believe I’m good enough
I believe in forgiveness and second chances
I believe in saying what you mean and meaning what you say and going after what you want even if it doesn’t want you
I believe in peace
I believe that my heart has just enough to space to love the way I look in someone else’s eyes
I believe in love
Loving
And being loved
But there’s no miracles on my street
And I’ll never believe the same way again
My time near a computer where I can post is so limited that I end up doing long, infrequent posts with hodgepodges of information that I've been wanting to post about for a while. It's one of many reasons why I've been keeping many things public (and plan to continue to do so.) Folks should get to see the good and the bad, cause that's what's for real. Also, in terms of journal safe-ness and all that, part of it starts with me. My journal continues to be unsafe when I let myself be censored, and hidden and locked up. It doesn't all come from me, but part of it does. And when I'm doing me, the way I want to do it, the changes that need to be made will become breathtakingly apparent, instead of silently hovering there.
I noticed a flurry of black people/ black history programming on television this weekend that I haven't really seen the rest of the month. Guess we don't even get the whole month anymore.
I watched the movie Hollywood Shuffle this weekend. Good stuff man.
And finally, a free-write poem I did last week when I was laying in bed and couldn't sleep. Don't steal my shit. Copyright me. Even if my writing sucks sometimes it should suck with my name on it, lol. Enjoy :)
Belief
I remember taking a chance
I remember going to sleep feeling loved
I remember wanting and needing
Slipping
Falling
And then breaking
I remember the first love that I believed in
I believed in possibility and future
In souls and soulmates
I believed in rainy days and sweaty bodies
fertilized eggs and promises
made before God and the Federation
I believed in want satisfied and needs fulfilled
And dreams too big to defer
But the past tense is the landlord that throws you out on the street when the present can’t pay the rent
And my belief was the 10 year old who sees mama putting the presents under the tree in the middle of the night and realizes santa ain’t real
Cause unless you live on 34th Street and God sends you a miracle
The belief ain’t coming back
And when you meet that bearded white man that shows you the meaning of Christmas and life
You’re grateful
But he ain’t the Santa you left cookies for at age 5
Or the Santa that got you a brand new 10-speed at 9 even thought money was tight
He’s the Santa that brings tube socks and ties
Sweaters and appliances
The Santa who gives gifts with predetermined spending amounts
To keep the emotions under control
He’s the Santa you need to get through the holidays, but not the one that makes you happy
He’s the Santa that let’s you breathe
But not the one that made the midnight air taste like ice cream
I’m too old for Santas
But I still believe
I believe in passion
I believe in souls
I believe in knowing and discovering
I believe in beauty and power
And want and need
I believe in relationships and futures
In gametes and kept promises
I believe I’m good enough
I believe in forgiveness and second chances
I believe in saying what you mean and meaning what you say and going after what you want even if it doesn’t want you
I believe in peace
I believe that my heart has just enough to space to love the way I look in someone else’s eyes
I believe in love
Loving
And being loved
But there’s no miracles on my street
And I’ll never believe the same way again