3 years to this date...
Three years ago I was a senior at southgate anderson high school. Not only thrilled that I had just ended high school two days ago but also because i was about to march down eureka road in front of 200 or so people. Today I looked at all my friends on my list on myspace and looked at their identical profiles with their senior prom pictures. Man does time fly super fast I dont know why I wanted to do a trip back in time type deal journal entry but it made me really think. Why is time ticking by so fast and I feel like just this past year I've accomplished something?
Why is it that it takes a long time to experience something and then something finally good come out of it? I've changed a lot this year. For the better I think. I've lost many friends but I've gained quite a few as well. I feel im smarter and wiser now then I was three years ago. I myself can only hope I can accomplish my goals before time runs out.
When I was looking at the pictures on myspace I was then looking at all the pictures from people in my class that graduated with me. Some have wedding pictures up and some have graduation pictures from their universities. Why am I not surprised to feel that I'm behind in the times? I don't know why on some aspects I took so long to grow up and finally start getting my degree. I'll have it in less than a year but its only an associates! I mean people from my senior class are entering in med school or a masters program...wtf seriously. With the shit ass education at Southgate Anderson how the hell were they able to excel so quickly? I'm so devastated by this it's not even funny.
I will say this though, 4 years ago i wanted to play roller hockey and I finally remembered and saved to get the hockey equipment to play! So from my high school goals that is just one thing out of the 10 things i wished I had done. I had huge plans for myself in high school but then life went to shit with all the drama then I became lost and scared and hopeless and yet again devastated. I didn't know how to deal with anything until after this year when matt walked into my life. When I seen his profile on myspace I was truly scared to talk to him. I thought why in the hell a guy like him (nice looking, sweet, handsome, nice smile, lived in a really nice area) would go for a girl like me. I guess I was totally wrong, I guess if you have a good personality and a cute button smile you can get any guy you ever dreamed of. I waited for this day to say this but I have finally found the guy i have always dreamed of. I broke a lot of hearts to find him and I've gotten my heart stomped on as well. But I must say it was well worth doing all that. As horrible as that sounds it was worth breaking all the hearts and it was worth my heart getting stomped on. Cause without those events I wouldn't have learned anything at all. If everything ended so perfectly fuck I would probably be too shy and scared to talk to anyone. and I would probably be stuck up and wouldn't be able to give advice to people I care about.
All in all I just feel a little out of the loop with everyone else. I feel like I'm being pushed away by some of my friends that I have been trying to hang out with and others have eliminated me outta there life completely with no regards to my feelings. I have done the same with a couple of people. Which I know they will never talk to me again about the damage I have done for the friendship, but I seen it fit because I felt used all the time, everything was about them it seemed to me and I just couldn't handle being a taxi driver anymore. I couldn't take the "jokes" anymore and I couldn't handle the fact that they kept asking me hows the boyfriend blah blah blah like they were waiting for me to dump matt HA its not the same as last time creeps.
Anyways I realize how long this blog is so im thinking im going to wrap things up. But I'm just saying when i look at all my old entries from when i was younger in maturity I can't believe how much i went through the drama. it seemed to follow me everywhere and now I have no one really but a few close friends. and sorry to say this but I'm glad i have this cause I hate dealing with drama and I'm glad that I don't have to deal with it anymore from my perspective. I can sit back and watch people and there drama but I never have to deal with it and be in it again. because now i know when to back down and walk away. whether people like that or not. I will simply just walk away if I feel it to be unnecessary. they will cool down eventually and realize how stupid they were. but adios amigos until next time cya around
Why is it that it takes a long time to experience something and then something finally good come out of it? I've changed a lot this year. For the better I think. I've lost many friends but I've gained quite a few as well. I feel im smarter and wiser now then I was three years ago. I myself can only hope I can accomplish my goals before time runs out.
When I was looking at the pictures on myspace I was then looking at all the pictures from people in my class that graduated with me. Some have wedding pictures up and some have graduation pictures from their universities. Why am I not surprised to feel that I'm behind in the times? I don't know why on some aspects I took so long to grow up and finally start getting my degree. I'll have it in less than a year but its only an associates! I mean people from my senior class are entering in med school or a masters program...wtf seriously. With the shit ass education at Southgate Anderson how the hell were they able to excel so quickly? I'm so devastated by this it's not even funny.
I will say this though, 4 years ago i wanted to play roller hockey and I finally remembered and saved to get the hockey equipment to play! So from my high school goals that is just one thing out of the 10 things i wished I had done. I had huge plans for myself in high school but then life went to shit with all the drama then I became lost and scared and hopeless and yet again devastated. I didn't know how to deal with anything until after this year when matt walked into my life. When I seen his profile on myspace I was truly scared to talk to him. I thought why in the hell a guy like him (nice looking, sweet, handsome, nice smile, lived in a really nice area) would go for a girl like me. I guess I was totally wrong, I guess if you have a good personality and a cute button smile you can get any guy you ever dreamed of. I waited for this day to say this but I have finally found the guy i have always dreamed of. I broke a lot of hearts to find him and I've gotten my heart stomped on as well. But I must say it was well worth doing all that. As horrible as that sounds it was worth breaking all the hearts and it was worth my heart getting stomped on. Cause without those events I wouldn't have learned anything at all. If everything ended so perfectly fuck I would probably be too shy and scared to talk to anyone. and I would probably be stuck up and wouldn't be able to give advice to people I care about.
All in all I just feel a little out of the loop with everyone else. I feel like I'm being pushed away by some of my friends that I have been trying to hang out with and others have eliminated me outta there life completely with no regards to my feelings. I have done the same with a couple of people. Which I know they will never talk to me again about the damage I have done for the friendship, but I seen it fit because I felt used all the time, everything was about them it seemed to me and I just couldn't handle being a taxi driver anymore. I couldn't take the "jokes" anymore and I couldn't handle the fact that they kept asking me hows the boyfriend blah blah blah like they were waiting for me to dump matt HA its not the same as last time creeps.
Anyways I realize how long this blog is so im thinking im going to wrap things up. But I'm just saying when i look at all my old entries from when i was younger in maturity I can't believe how much i went through the drama. it seemed to follow me everywhere and now I have no one really but a few close friends. and sorry to say this but I'm glad i have this cause I hate dealing with drama and I'm glad that I don't have to deal with it anymore from my perspective. I can sit back and watch people and there drama but I never have to deal with it and be in it again. because now i know when to back down and walk away. whether people like that or not. I will simply just walk away if I feel it to be unnecessary. they will cool down eventually and realize how stupid they were. but adios amigos until next time cya around