I hate my parents (sorry, Jen, but it's true)
If I hadn't been told all my life that my brother was the smart one.
If I'd been allowed to take shop instead of home ec.
If my mom hadn't picked my college major based on the one class that came easy to me - because it was science for the non-science kids who needed one science credit to graduate, which I didn't need because I was already taking chemistry and biology and physics, but I had a hole in my scheduled and didn't want to fill it with accounting.
If my parents had taught me about goals and how to make decisions, instead of needing to feel empowered themselves by making every decision for me and hoping that I'd fail so they could swoop in and play hero.
If they just didn't make every god-damned thing about them.
I could have been an astronaut or a mechanical engineer or a helicopter pilot or happy.
And what set off this little tirade? Today I fixed my car, all by myself - saved me about $150. It's just difficult to remember that I am capable of doing things like that when everyone around me likes to make out that all the things I do are merely adequate or not really what they think I ought to be doing.
And it really pisses me off that at work, I know, when I get my review they're going to tell me I'm doing "just okay," but won't be able to state anything specific that needs to be improved, and then they'll try to give me work I don't want and take away work I'm stellar at and give it to the new guy who will totally just half-ass it and not give a shit.
And I totally want a new job, but don't know what I want to do. And I'm a little too old to be an astronaut now. And I'm too poor to get an engineering degree. And my allergies aren't sorted enough yet (and might never be) to allow me to legally fly a chopper. And I really have given up all hope of ever being happy.
And all of that just kind of sucks.
Except for the part where I fixed my own car - which is totally awesome. Go me!
If I'd been allowed to take shop instead of home ec.
If my mom hadn't picked my college major based on the one class that came easy to me - because it was science for the non-science kids who needed one science credit to graduate, which I didn't need because I was already taking chemistry and biology and physics, but I had a hole in my scheduled and didn't want to fill it with accounting.
If my parents had taught me about goals and how to make decisions, instead of needing to feel empowered themselves by making every decision for me and hoping that I'd fail so they could swoop in and play hero.
If they just didn't make every god-damned thing about them.
I could have been an astronaut or a mechanical engineer or a helicopter pilot or happy.
And what set off this little tirade? Today I fixed my car, all by myself - saved me about $150. It's just difficult to remember that I am capable of doing things like that when everyone around me likes to make out that all the things I do are merely adequate or not really what they think I ought to be doing.
And it really pisses me off that at work, I know, when I get my review they're going to tell me I'm doing "just okay," but won't be able to state anything specific that needs to be improved, and then they'll try to give me work I don't want and take away work I'm stellar at and give it to the new guy who will totally just half-ass it and not give a shit.
And I totally want a new job, but don't know what I want to do. And I'm a little too old to be an astronaut now. And I'm too poor to get an engineering degree. And my allergies aren't sorted enough yet (and might never be) to allow me to legally fly a chopper. And I really have given up all hope of ever being happy.
And all of that just kind of sucks.
Except for the part where I fixed my own car - which is totally awesome. Go me!