Cry for help
So been a long time since I updated. A lot of stuff has been going on lately. I have been kicked out of my parents house and living, no not with my boyfriend but my friend, a guy. Danny drives me to school and anywhere else. My boyfriend finds him threatening. I understand. We’ve been arguing a lot. I mean, for those of you that know us, we’re always arguing. My loverly Bryan says that we act like “an old married couple.” This was true. But we argued for show and to make a scene. Now we’ve really been getting at it. So to avoid fights, I dodge or I just say I don’t want to talk about it. I left his house in tears one night. He’s grounded and not supposed to see me. I didn’t want to fuck it up but we did yesterday. I went over to see him yesterday and we got caught. I just want to spend time with him but I’m always with Danny. Danny wasn’t too happy with him after I got back in the car crying that night. I didn’t want to talk about it with him. Now, I have resulted in sending my mother (whom kicked me out) e-mails about my emotions that she probably doesn’t care about. Spud an I were that couple that was always together and always hanging on one another. Now, in the past week we haven’t seen each other for more than fifteen minutes at a time. It’s bad. It kills me to know that I’m hurting him. I know I am. He will call me sometimes anywhere after 2:20 am and leave messages. He hasn’t been eating, sleeping during the day, and awake and alone at night. That’s what I do when I’m depressed. Then again, I never really eat, but everything else is a yes. I’m scared about what I’m doing to him. I’ve hurt him a lot and thinned out his patience with me over the past ten months, but I not like this. The two months that we were apart wasn’t like the past week if hell I put him through. I’m making him physically sick. I don’t want to do this, but it’s like when I tell him it’s gonna be okay, he doesn’t believe me. I’ve never felt so far away from him before. Not even our two month separation when he was in Italy. Help me.
I haven’t been going to school, not like I should be. I have missed my English SOL which threatens my graduation. I promised myself I will be going to school. I have talked to my aunt and I might go stay with her for the weekend. It might be best to get away from everything here. Fairfax County is like that house in Amittyville Horror and I am George, and it’s day 27 and I’m going to kill everyone around me that I love and cherish because I’m going insane. Danny wants to go to Winchester for the weekend. My boyfriend wants to go on a date that we haven’t gone on in a little less than two months, on Friday.
I guess I’m very scared and confused right now. I’m out of the house and have no permanent place to stay. Ideally I’d stay with Spud but his dad would never have it. I need a job, I can’t live off Danny’s non-existent pay checks, I need my birth control because it’s a healthy addiction, I want my clothes. I should spent more time with my other friends that being by Danny’s side all the time.
I feel as if I’m slipping off the edge and I don’t know what to do. I miss my bed. I miss my things. I miss my boyfriend. I miss my friends. I miss my dad. I miss my dog. But out of all the things, I miss my mind the most.
I haven’t been going to school, not like I should be. I have missed my English SOL which threatens my graduation. I promised myself I will be going to school. I have talked to my aunt and I might go stay with her for the weekend. It might be best to get away from everything here. Fairfax County is like that house in Amittyville Horror and I am George, and it’s day 27 and I’m going to kill everyone around me that I love and cherish because I’m going insane. Danny wants to go to Winchester for the weekend. My boyfriend wants to go on a date that we haven’t gone on in a little less than two months, on Friday.
I guess I’m very scared and confused right now. I’m out of the house and have no permanent place to stay. Ideally I’d stay with Spud but his dad would never have it. I need a job, I can’t live off Danny’s non-existent pay checks, I need my birth control because it’s a healthy addiction, I want my clothes. I should spent more time with my other friends that being by Danny’s side all the time.
I feel as if I’m slipping off the edge and I don’t know what to do. I miss my bed. I miss my things. I miss my boyfriend. I miss my friends. I miss my dad. I miss my dog. But out of all the things, I miss my mind the most.