Really Sad

[trulinor]

Kingdom A&S

I have no complaints about the way the event was run

I had no crummy  exchanges with painful people

Nobody snubbed me or was rude in any way

Everything was exactly as advertised, and yet I had a terrible time.  I think that the average SCA event is simply no longer meeting my needs.  I think I need to be honest with myself that the hatmaking business is my actual hobby, whereas the SCA only USED to be.

These days I go to events hoping to:

• dress up and feel good about the pretty clothes I make
• play music with people, or if that doesn't pan out - play music FOR people who are interested
• Visit with my friends

what happens instead is:

• I feel trussed up like a Thanksgiving turkey, and end up feeling silly and somehow overdressed
• The music thing just doesn't work out - possibly because people are busy, people are not interested, or my head has been so full of work all week that it is like I've forgotten the music that I know.
• I need to plant and stay somewhere (Zach has no interest in following me around like a puppy, nor should he have to) so  I am therefore not free to wander around and visit with friends, or volunteer for anything, or go to meetings, or judge (not that I am into that bit very much).  OR - we end up planting somewhere either IN the way or OUT of the way. There is no space for Zach to play, or be a kid.
• When I have planted somewhere, Zach is intsantly miserable and sits with his Nintendo under a table rocking back and forth, and I feel like the worst mom ever for dragging him along. He's even a pretty good sport about it mostly - but is miserable.

I'm feeling really totally absolutely done. It was a perfectly fine event, and I guess it is just no longer my thing. Why should I go - when there is NOTHING for my kid there that I don't bring (and nowere for him to play with what I do bring) and because I am a responsible parent, I don't have fun either? The SCA is only fun if you can volunteer and get involved, and I cannot get involved.

I'm just Really sad

(and, to be honest, a little under the weather)