The first bit of Chapter one...
Here is the first couple of pages of Chapter One... give me some input.. too much, too little, not enough in the right places, is the dialogue stilted? Just remember be gentle, but firm. I appreciate all of the critisim that you can offer.
Chapter One
Beth Stromite walked into the class with some amount of trepidation. She had only been on the surface of Mali for a few hours and had only had the briefest of moments to put away her things in her new quarters before she heard her name announced over the speaker system. “Beth Stromite to conference room 23, Beth Stromite to conference room 23.”
She had arrived at the meeting room with an exhausted sigh and opened the door. There was very little light coming from inside the room. She squinted. A screen across the way appeared to be illuminated. She walked in and closed the door. As her eyes adjusted to the light she was able to tell that there were a few people sitting, looking towards her. One of them stood.
“Beth Stromite, I presume? I am Dr. Gratt. Come, have a seat. We were just about to begin our introductory class for all of the incoming employees. I am glad you could make it to this session. I would hate to have you wait until the next one. We only do one a week, and we don’t allow any of the new employees begin their jobs until they have successfully completed this class.”
She shook his hand and smiled warmly. Nodding to all of the others present, only five it seemed, she took a seat. The projector hummed softly next to her. She glanced over to it and raised an eyebrow.
Dr Gratt noticed Beth’s speculative look and spoke up, “I guess you are wondering why we use such primitive technology. If you hadn’t noticed the whole lab is set up without the use of supercomputers and without even the use of nanotech either.” Beth nodded. She had noticed that the docks and the lab seemed a bit outdated. The doctor continued. “When Mali was settled, because of the pre-sentient nature of some of the species on the planet it was decided by the Coalition that nothing would be used that could possibly leave traces of our residence should for some reason we have to leave the planet.”
“But the supercomputers… that shouldn’t be a problem?”
“True, that was brought up, but if you remember the unfortunate events that took place on Colony Rega?” The entire class noticeably paled and a few even looked away as if they themselves would be held accountable for what had happened on that colony world.
Beth nodded again. “Yes, I do.” She paused, “and I guess I can see why supercomputers could be a danger, but still… won’t it make our job that much harder?”
“Ms. Stromite, we are scientists here. We can do our job if all we had was a pencil and paper.” Dr. Gratt looked a bit taken aback.
“Yes, you are right doctor.” Beth straightened her glasses, pushing them back up her nose and into place. She glanced one more time at the projector.
“Ah, yes, the presentation.” With that, the doctor turned back to the screen and hit a button. A picture of a lush valley filled the screen.
Chapter One
Beth Stromite walked into the class with some amount of trepidation. She had only been on the surface of Mali for a few hours and had only had the briefest of moments to put away her things in her new quarters before she heard her name announced over the speaker system. “Beth Stromite to conference room 23, Beth Stromite to conference room 23.”
She had arrived at the meeting room with an exhausted sigh and opened the door. There was very little light coming from inside the room. She squinted. A screen across the way appeared to be illuminated. She walked in and closed the door. As her eyes adjusted to the light she was able to tell that there were a few people sitting, looking towards her. One of them stood.
“Beth Stromite, I presume? I am Dr. Gratt. Come, have a seat. We were just about to begin our introductory class for all of the incoming employees. I am glad you could make it to this session. I would hate to have you wait until the next one. We only do one a week, and we don’t allow any of the new employees begin their jobs until they have successfully completed this class.”
She shook his hand and smiled warmly. Nodding to all of the others present, only five it seemed, she took a seat. The projector hummed softly next to her. She glanced over to it and raised an eyebrow.
Dr Gratt noticed Beth’s speculative look and spoke up, “I guess you are wondering why we use such primitive technology. If you hadn’t noticed the whole lab is set up without the use of supercomputers and without even the use of nanotech either.” Beth nodded. She had noticed that the docks and the lab seemed a bit outdated. The doctor continued. “When Mali was settled, because of the pre-sentient nature of some of the species on the planet it was decided by the Coalition that nothing would be used that could possibly leave traces of our residence should for some reason we have to leave the planet.”
“But the supercomputers… that shouldn’t be a problem?”
“True, that was brought up, but if you remember the unfortunate events that took place on Colony Rega?” The entire class noticeably paled and a few even looked away as if they themselves would be held accountable for what had happened on that colony world.
Beth nodded again. “Yes, I do.” She paused, “and I guess I can see why supercomputers could be a danger, but still… won’t it make our job that much harder?”
“Ms. Stromite, we are scientists here. We can do our job if all we had was a pencil and paper.” Dr. Gratt looked a bit taken aback.
“Yes, you are right doctor.” Beth straightened her glasses, pushing them back up her nose and into place. She glanced one more time at the projector.
“Ah, yes, the presentation.” With that, the doctor turned back to the screen and hit a button. A picture of a lush valley filled the screen.