Revoltingly Unfaithful
I cannot sleep. I cannot eat. I almost want to die. James will be back in town today, and dear God, how far I have strayed since seeing him last.
Why am I doing this? Why am I thinking this?
Last night I was up much too late talking to Christian.
The night before I had thought I'd had an epiphany that steeled my commitment to James, but that feeling of returning to safe, dry land dissipated the next morning. I went to the campus health center for my counseling appointment. The therapist there remembered me from last time, in March (I bet I'm the only girl who has ever come in caught between two middle-aged men!) I told her I felt bored with my relationship, but I didn't say anything about the professor. She told me that I should make friends my own age who I can get the same universal need for "excitement" from.
That's all very nice and good advice, Dr. Klatte, but making friends takes time, and I'M IN DANGER OF SENSELESSLY MURDERING MY RELATIONSHIP RIGHT NOW. IMMEDIATE SOLUTIONS PLEASE.
(I did schedule to hang out with someone my own age tomorrow evening though.)
After my appointment I still had an hour before work. From the campus health center, the tall, ominous, and ugly building that houses Christian's office is ridiculously visible, so I did what I did several months ago and walked up seven flights of stairs to the seventh floor, walked by his office door (closed at the time), sat on a couch by the elevator, and pretended to be someone doing something productive. I saw him get out of the elevator around 12:30. He seemed not to notice me. Then again he wasn't expecting me. My hair has grown from the picture I sent him, and I've probably gotten fatter.
At ten to one I left the couch and went to work. I shelved books and books, and talked to John (coworker) about how his best friend is a douchebag. I have not told a living soul that I am considering the pros and cons of fucking a university associate professor.
Why am I doing this? Why am I thinking this?
Last night I was up much too late talking to Christian.
The night before I had thought I'd had an epiphany that steeled my commitment to James, but that feeling of returning to safe, dry land dissipated the next morning. I went to the campus health center for my counseling appointment. The therapist there remembered me from last time, in March (I bet I'm the only girl who has ever come in caught between two middle-aged men!) I told her I felt bored with my relationship, but I didn't say anything about the professor. She told me that I should make friends my own age who I can get the same universal need for "excitement" from.
That's all very nice and good advice, Dr. Klatte, but making friends takes time, and I'M IN DANGER OF SENSELESSLY MURDERING MY RELATIONSHIP RIGHT NOW. IMMEDIATE SOLUTIONS PLEASE.
(I did schedule to hang out with someone my own age tomorrow evening though.)
After my appointment I still had an hour before work. From the campus health center, the tall, ominous, and ugly building that houses Christian's office is ridiculously visible, so I did what I did several months ago and walked up seven flights of stairs to the seventh floor, walked by his office door (closed at the time), sat on a couch by the elevator, and pretended to be someone doing something productive. I saw him get out of the elevator around 12:30. He seemed not to notice me. Then again he wasn't expecting me. My hair has grown from the picture I sent him, and I've probably gotten fatter.
At ten to one I left the couch and went to work. I shelved books and books, and talked to John (coworker) about how his best friend is a douchebag. I have not told a living soul that I am considering the pros and cons of fucking a university associate professor.