America's Son - Three

Jun 15, 2011 22:39








Pro & 1
| 2 | 3 | 4 | 5, Epi, Notes

::

“So now I’m bored,” Chris said, strumming his guitar, making notes on a paper in front of him.

“What a thing to say about your latest composition,” Jensen said, turning a page in his book.

“Asshole, this is going to be the ultimate fusion of rock and Mozart,” Chris informed him. “Fucking epic. What I’m bored with is that all summer I’ve been here and you have been doing that thing you do at a law firm.”

“I’m an intern for an appellate court,” Jensen said.

Chris paused and looked up. “Yeah, and I’m still not even sure what that is. I went into music so I wouldn’t have to know these things you know. So as I was saying you are doing that and he comes home from whatever he does--and yes, I know he is interning at Uncle Mark’s consulting firm--and you order dinner and talk about your days, grinning like loons and then I have to leave so you can have your loud crazy monkey sex. It is so boring for me.”

“I am beginning to think that you may have unrealistic expectations of me,” Jensen informed him. “What did I ever do to make you think that I’m ever going to amuse you? Do you expect me to suddenly wake up and be a different, livelier person?”

Chris looked at him for a second then spoke slowly. “One day you are pretty much the poster child for isolation and the next day you have a fully formed relationship sprung from nothing. If I didn’t love you so much I would hate you.”

Jensen tapped his pen against his book and stared off into space.

“Am I wrong?” Chris said slowly. “Is there trouble that you aren’t telling me about?”

Jensen shook his head. “No, it’s perfect, he’s perfect, but he hasn’t really dated all that much. I’m really the first guy who wasn’t some furtive thing in the closet. Some days it doesn’t seem all that fair. I mean I just feel as if we shouldn’t be this serious. He is going to be a sophomore. You’re the one who keeps telling me that normal means having all these debauched experiences.”

Chris looked at him oddly. “You pick now to start listening to me?”

“Just tell me I think too much,” Jensen said with a laugh.

Chris didn’t smile back. “He’s green, but he’s smart as hell. You two do pretty well together.”

Jensen thought about it for a second, because that really wasn’t the reassuring answer he was looking for. He noticed that Chris was looking for some kind of response.

“You know that wasn’t an answer,” Jensen told him.

Chris looked at him. “I didn’t know that you seriously started to listen to me.”

:::

Jensen started law school and was buried under books. Jared was taking a heavy course load. They spent a lot of time together studying. Jared had to laugh at how easy it was to stare at Jensen now that they were dating. It got in the way, but not too much.

“So, one of my professors was very impressed that I interned at Mark’s company,” Jared said.

Jensen looked up from one of his books, Jared peered at this book.

“You know my stuff is pretty stiff, but I’m so glad that I don’t have to commit all that shit to memory,” Jared said.

Jensen just looked at him. “You going to tell me what is going on? Small talk is your tell that you’re nervous. Did you decide that you really aren’t gay and you’re leaving me for Paris Hilton?”

Jared gasped. “Hush your mouth.”

“So speak,” Jensen said.

Jared grinned, a whole lot less pensive. “Well, here is the thing, I know that it is only September, but you always have a lot going on, you have a whole bunch of family things, but I talked to my mom and she was wondering if you wanted to come home for Christmas with me. I mean, I know she thinks it is the only way I’ll come home, but my parents really want to meet you.”

“You’re bouncing around like a puppy because of that?” Jensen asked.

“It’s a big deal,” Jared said softly.

Jensen wanted to both laugh and cry at Jared’s enthusiasm.

“You’ve met mine,” Jensen said with a smile. “You’ve met the whole gaggle of my family.”

“I’ve never brought anyone home before,” Jared said softly.

Jensen leaned forward and interlaced their fingers.

“You’re the first person I brought home,” Jensen said. “And I want to be the first person that you bring home.”

Jared dimpled. “Momma makes the best pie and we don’t have wings or anything to our house, but it is nice enough. We have a little hot tub in the back yard and we can sit in it and watch the stars.”

Jensen grinned. “You had me at pie.”

“Good, now shut up,” Jared said turning to his book. “You’re really getting in the way of me studying.”

:::

“Your boyfriend is a genius,” Chad announced, bringing the table a round of shots.

Chris had dragged Jensen to the bar, saying that Chad and Jared wanted him there. Chris knew that Jensen was a goner from the moment he invoked Jared’s name.

Jared looked down and blushed.

“This dude just got a fucking A on Pratt’s midterm,” Chad went on. “Nobody has ever done that. They even went as far as to mildly suggest that he was cheating. He aced Pratt’s midterm and the entire economics class is buzzing.”

Jensen looked at Jared a little shocked.

“Really?” Jensen asked. “I thought you were failing.”

Jared smiled. “I am terrible at gauging myself.”

“I’d say,” Chris muttered. “However, it is common with us geniuses.”

Jensen raised an eyebrow. “That really has no right to be as sexy as you are making it.”

Jared looked up his eyes luminous. “I’m so getting laid tonight.”

Jensen leaned in. “You are so getting laid tonight.”

:::

They rode high through the crunch of finals and the agony of the lack of sleep. At one point Jensen thought that the success of their entire relationship was based on the fact that during finals they were both inaccurately insecure, yet never needy. They would plunk down and get done what they needed to get done, passing each other oranges and power bars occasionally, when they remembered.

After finals they let Chris and Chad bring them out. They were wasted in Boston; even Josh came out to toast to another successful semester. Jared couldn’t keep his hands off Jensen and Jensen always managed to stay within hands reach.

“Dear lord,” Josh said sighing. “You two are terrible.”

Jensen swayed a little on his feet and grinned. “Ain’t we just.”

Soon enough it was time to leave for San Antonio. Jensen’s parents had been sad that they weren’t going to be going to Colorado with them for skiing, but they managed not to lay on the guilt too thickly.

It was on the plane that Jensen noticed a change come over Jared, who had been so enthusiastic since the end of finals.

Jared became jittery and quiet as the flight stretched on.

“We’re actually pretty modest,” Jared said as their plane touched down. “We don’t have a lot of money.”

Jensen laced their fingers together. “Jared, I’m not the kind of person who is that much of a snob.”

“I know,” Jared said quietly. “It just isn’t going to be the compound. Hell, your apartment with Chris is nicer. I just want you to know.”

“Do your parents know?” Jensen asked. “Who I am.”

“Yeah,” Jared said slowly. “I told them I was brining home my boyfriend and they wanted to know all about you. Mom has been cleaning for weeks.”

Jensen just smiled at him. “I’m sure that your parents will be very sweet.”

When they got off the plane the initial introductions were very awkward. Jared’s mother was fidgeting and his father was just staring. It was only Jared’s sister who rolled her eyes.

“Mother, if you curtsey I will die of shame,” Megan said.

“Megan,” Sharon said, looking scandalized.

Jensen smiled and shook Gerry’s hands. “It is nice to meet you, sir.”

Gerry smiled. “Call me Gerry.”

Jensen smiled at Sharon and she gave him a hug, Jensen was a little taken aback, but he managed to keep the smooth voice.

“Thanks for having me in your home,” Jensen said. “I’m looking forward to eating your cooking. If Jared is anything to go by, it must be top shelf.”

Sharon blushed.

Then Jensen turned back to Jared’s father “And I know that you will probably have trouble with your son bringing home a Maverick’s fan, but I feel that we may be able to find some common ground.”

Jared’s father barked a laugh.

Megan just looked at Jensen, he winked at her and she smiled back automatically.

Jared just stared at the calm, cool, smooth guy who was wrapping his family around his fingers. He trailed after Jensen and his family. His mother’s hand was in the crook of Jensen’s arm and his father was being drawn into conversation.

Jared just watched this new guy.

Megan trod along with Jared.

“He’s quite a guy,” Megan said, eyes the size of saucers. She turned and looked at him. “What the hell is he doing with you?”

Jared shoved her but he was wondering the same thing.

::

“You will be in Jeff’s room, Jensen,” Sharon said, looking at them, hesitantly. “We made Jeff do this before he was married--this is a kid thing, not a gay thing.”

She sounded like she was apologizing.

Jensen gave her that smile.

Jared didn’t know what to do.

He walked to his bedroom, threw his bag on the bed, and heard his mother going downstairs.

He stormed to Jensen’s room.

“Who are you?” Jared asked. “You just charmed your way into my family in like two seconds. When did you get charming?”

Jensen paused, he had just fallen into it. He forgot that Jared hadn’t seen him out, didn’t know the public persona. Jared had never gone with him to events, rarely was in a situation that he’d have to.

“They like me,” Jensen defended, falling into being just Jensen once again.

“They like whoever that was,” Jared replied.

They squared off for a second and then Jensen stepped forward.

“Jared,” Jensen said quietly. “You make me laugh, and that is no easy feat. You get me to have fun and eat. Did you ever think that maybe you’re my prince charming?”

Jared looked at him a little disbelievingly.

“I want them to like me,” Jensen mumbled, looking down, tracing the quilt. “They’re your family. I know how to make people like me, genuinely. It is something I can do. I’ve been the governor’s son for a long time and an Ackles for my entire life. I want them to like me because I like you so much, I did it the way I knew would work.”

Jared looked down at the ground and stubbed his toe on the ground.

“I like them,” Jensen said softly. “Your mom is really sweet, your dad has the driest sense of humor, and your kid sister is sharp. I’m so grateful that they don’t mind that you are bringing home a guy, that they take me in like I’m another person their child is dating. It really is amazing. You love them and I want them to approve.”

Jared looked at him and then leaned into kiss him, they both needed reassurance.

Jared just felt like in this moment he needed it more.

::

Jared felt like his skin was too small. He began to notice things in his house. The carpet in the living room was threadbare in places, the linoleum in the kitchen was peeling, and the stairs squeaked.

Then there was Jensen who was suddenly ‘on’ most the time. There was no other word for it. He was charming and nice and self-deprecating, but he was different from the Jensen that Jared had spent nearly a year with.

Jensen had a wall up and he was acting.

Jared was a weird combination of angry and scared. He didn’t even understand what these emotions were connected to, just that his entire family adored this Jensen, the shiny one, and Jared just didn’t understand the image when he knew and loved the reality so much.

Things between them were a little strained, they focused on the family instead of each other, kind of glad to be going to separate beds at the night.

On Christmas Eve Jared and Jensen sat in the hot tub, looking up at the stars.

Jared was poking at where the liner was peeling. He was pretty sure that the glorified kiddie pool with bubbles was nothing too impressive to Jensen.

“Why are you sulking?” Jensen finally asked.

Jared looked up and the firm lines of ‘parent Jensen’ were relaxed.

“Why are you different?” Jared asked.

“What do you mean?” Jensen replied, brow creased.

“You’re different when you are with my parents, different from when you are with your family, or with Chris, or me,” Jared said, frustrated. “I don’t know what I mean, but why are you different?”

Jensen leaned back and looked up at the stars, thinking. His hands treaded through the water and the only sounds were the cicadas and the bubbles in the hot tub.

“I don’t know,” Jensen said finally. “I don’t know how to do anything else.”

“You do with me,” Jared implored, moving closer to Jensen. “Is it because you were drunk? Did I just end up with you because it was easier, because it just happened?”

“No,” Jensen said, grabbing for him, needing the contact. “They look at me like I’m the governor’s son, the Ackles kid. You don’t, you never did. That is why I like you. You only see me as me.”

Jared looked at him in the moonlight: freckles, those green eyes so open.

“I’m just Jensen to you,” Jensen said softly. “I don’t know how to be everything everybody wants me to be, everything I want to be. With you I don’t have to be anything but me.”

The words were whispered and Jared kissed him.

He wished Jensen could see himself through Jared’s eyes when it was just the two of them. Jensen was smart and funny, he was awesome. He was going to be more than most people could ever hope to be.

Jared kissed him because he didn’t know how to put into words was that Jensen was everything and he was so goddamned jealous of how Jensen could be. It was light years beyond anything he knew how to be.

He was terrified of so many things, so he did what was natural, what was comfortable and familiar. He slipped his hands under the water and tugged at Jensen’s shorts.

Jensen let out a moan, “We can’t. Your parents are upstairs.”

It wasn’t very convincing.

Jared knew he wasn’t scared of getting naked in the hot tub; that was something that he could do. That was something he could do.

He slipped his hand into Jensen’s shorts and found him half-hard. Jensen buried his head in Jared’s neck to stifle a moan.

What Jared was scared of was shiny perfect Jensen. That Jensen was beyond anything that Jared understood. That Jensen was smart and funny and Jared didn’t think that he could keep up That Jensen was so far above him that Jared didn’t know how he was even going to touch him.

Jensen’s hand slipped into Jared’s trunks, and for a moment Jared could forget that he expected it all to implode. They kissed like they wanted to crawl into each other’s skin.

Jensen pulled away suddenly. “We can’t, your parents are right there.”

Jared swallowed. He knew that they both wanted this, he knew that his parents were asleep, he knew that this was a perfect moment.

But he pushed that all down, because Jensen had his reasons. Jensen gave him that full on smile and he suddenly felt warm in his stomach as Jensen stroked his cheek.

But it wasn’t more than a second before the fear came again.

He knew that one day Jensen was going to realize that he wasn’t enough.

:::

“You’re doing it wrong!” Megan said, taking a present out of Jared’s hands.

“That’s mine, brat!” Jared said, leaping after her.

Jensen sat back with Sharon, watching them.

“I’ve missed him,” Sharon sighed. “I miss having the kids around. Jeff has to work today and I only get Jared for a few more days. But I’m glad he is going on in life.”

Sharon sat up straight and looked at Jensen. “Sorry, just an old woman mourning the changes in life.”

Jensen reached out and took her hand. He was going to try to be real Jensen if it killed him.

“It’s sweet,” Jensen said softly. “My mom said pretty much the same thing when I told her that I was coming here. You would think that I just disowned her.”

“Oh, Jensen,” Sharon said. “You should have gone home.”

Jensen looked over at where his boyfriend, clad in plaid pajama pants and a Teenaged Mutant Ninja Turtles t-shirt, was giving his little sister a noogie.

“No, Sharon,” Jensen said softly. “I had to be here. With him.”

She looked at him with a huge smile. “He’s pretty great, isn’t he? He’s got my eyes but sometimes I don’t know if he is even mine. He’s just too amazing.”

Jensen sat back and began to talk quietly with Sharon about Jared, about their lives together.

“What is this?” Jared wandered over with an open card in his hand.

Jensen shrugged. “My family’s Christmas present.”

“We’re going to Barbados for New Year’s?” Jared said, his eyes wide.

Jensen shrunk back a little, not knowing how to make that sound normal in this normal everyday suburban house.

“It’s my cousin’s place,” Jensen said quietly. “We leave in two days.”

Jensen looked over at Sharon who was staring at the sweater in a box at Jensen’s feet. It was a hand knitted sweater that she had made for Jensen.

“Come February in Boston we’ll see which was a better present,” Jensen tried positively.

Jared just looked at his feet, but Sharon gave him a grateful smile.

“You’re a good boy, Jensen,” she said softly.

Jensen closed his eyes, because in that moment she had looked right at him. He thought about what Jared had said. He was putting on a front for the Padaleckis. He had no idea what he was under the name and the brains and the family. With Jared it was okay, but Jared’s mother was looking at him like he was a real boy.

It was scaring the shit out of him.

Because that was something he wasn’t sure how to be.

::

For the entire visit to San Antonio, Jensen and Jared’s relationship was a little strained.

It was only when they were on a plane bound for Barbados that things eased. Jared reached out and took Jensen’s hand.

“I’ve never been outside of the US,” Jared confessed. “Never really been beyond Texas until I went to school. Well, I went to my grandparents’ in Arizona during the summers.”

Jensen looked over at him, confused. “But Chad sent you your passport all wrapped up like a real present, I am assuming because Chris told him.”

Jared looked down at their intertwined hands. “I got it in October. Chad found out I didn’t have one and he made me get it. He thought it was disgraceful that I didn't have one.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Jensen said, trying not to sound a little wounded.

Jared looked down and mumbled. “Didn’t think it would be a big deal to you.”

Jensen laughed. Jared looked up startled because he knew Jensen wasn’t laughing at him, but he had no idea what Jensen was laughing at.

“Remember the time you realized my refrigerator was basically a really cold empty closet?” Jensen said. “You took me grocery shopping. I’m kind of embarrassed to say I’d never been. I’ve gone in for a meal, but that was the first time I had to think about what I wanted in my house. Honestly, I love grocery shopping--listening to you tell me about finding the best deal. I’m giddy every time you take me, same thing with going down to my laundry room and washing my own clothes.”

Jared got a stunned look on his face. “But you aren’t spoiled, how have you never done your own laundry before, or gone grocery shopping?”

Jensen shrugged. “I just haven’t. I didn’t want you to look at me like that, so I didn’t tell you. I like doing it, I’ve even started to do it without you. It takes a lot of time, but it is really fun.”

“Not surprising,” Jared noted wryly. “You are a control freak. I’m assuming you are positively shining about doing it yourself.”

“Every time I do it, I feel like maybe I’m a grown up, maybe I’m a real person,” Jensen said, a little embarrassed. “So I get that getting your passport is kind of a big deal.”

Jared sat back and thought about it. “I feel like we’re growing as people.”

They both started snickering. They curled up together like they hadn’t been able to for a week and snoozed the rest of the way to the Caribbean.

::

When they got to the house they were downright comfortable together.

“So shabby,” Jared sighed, throwing his bag across the room. “First your parents don’t splurge for first class-“

“There was no first class,” Jensen pointed out.

“Now we’re in this hovel,” Jared sighed, falling down on the large overstuffed couch in a beach house that was as big as his parents’ house and decorated with furniture that Jared didn’t want to touch for fear that he would break it and not make enough money in his lifetime to replace it.

Jensen fell on top of him.

“We have five beautiful days in paradise,” Jensen said, nipping at his ear lobe. “I’m going to take you into the bedroom and fuck you silly; take my time, make you all boneless and wanting.”

All the blood in Jared’s body stopped circulating properly and flowed directly into his dick.

Jensen pulled away and looked into Jared’s stunned face. “We might get out of bed at some point in the next five days, but we have no family, no jobs, no school--nothing to do but be really, really naughty.”

“You are so on,” Jared said huskily.

Jensen got up and pulled him to the bed.

::

“You are terrible at this naked thing,” Jared grumbled as they sat in the sun. He had just gotten back from the water, shaking water out of his hair as Jensen watched him over his sunglasses.

Jared was naked as the day he was born.

“I’m not really a naked guy,” Jensen told him.

Jared sighed. “That is a shame for the world and even more for me.”

He reached out and tugged on Jensen’s shorts.

“Jen-sen,” Jared said. “Be naked with me.”

Jensen held on to his pants.

“You don’t even walk around the house naked,” Jared whined. “You pull up your boxers when you go to the bathroom, like some sort of virgin. But some of those things that you do just before you run away really assure me that you aren’t a virgin.”

Jensen glared at him. “Years of decorum. I want to be ready if anyone is watching; you never know.”

Jared pursed his lips testily. “You are far too paranoid.”

“I’m practical,” Jensen said.

“Sure,” Jared said picking up a tube of suntan lotion. “Can I apply this liberally to your back in a slightly lascivious manner or do you think that is far too scandalous?”

“Are you going to cop a feel?” Jensen asked, trying to shake the discomfort.

“You have a very grabbable ass,” Jared informed him. “I may have to take liberties.”

Jensen laughed and flipped over to his stomach and told himself that this was okay. “I’ll risk it.”

Jared straddled him thighs and leaned over and nipped at Jensen’s earlobe. “How much are you freaking out right now? A very naked guy straddling your waist out here in the open? I need you to forget about that. Just relax. Think how nice it is to have a boyfriend.”

Jensen let out a little shudder at the mention of boyfriend.

“Boyfriends are good,” Jensen muttered as Jared’s fingers dug into his shoulder, then he moved to look back at Jared. “A boyfriend should realize that I burn and that he needs to put some lotion on evenly.”

Jared laughed and tried to be more practical about what he was doing. “Why the hell didn’t we do this last summer? I remember your family has a place near the water.”

“Rain on the fourth, and we we’re busy with jobs,” Jensen said with a little moan. “We’re idiots.”

“Yes, we are,” Jared said, getting up.

Jensen looked over at his skinny, tall boyfriend. “Good thing you’re pretty.”

“You’re funny,” Jared laughed. “So, naked now?”

“No, I think we’ve pushed far enough for now,” Jensen told him.

“Prude,” Jared teased. “Get some sun and then can we go inside and get naked?”

Jensen let out a mock sigh. “If you insist.”

::

In their five days in Barbados Jared couldn’t get Jensen naked in public, but Jensen showed him plenty of naked in private. He also was able to get Jensen cuddly, which usually happened only when it was dark and Jensen had had a few drinks. On New Year’s Eve they were wrapped around each other all night, happy, tanned, and on top of the world.

They were young and in love and so happy.

That was when the photographers showed up.

::

“We should have stayed in Barbados,” Jared grumbled, picking up their bags from the conveyor belt. “It is cold here. I bet a few more days and you would have been prancing on the beach wearing nothing but a smile.”

“Ackles,” a random person said, coming up with a camera behind him. “Jensen, is that your boyfriend? Are you gay?”

Jared stopped in his tracks, wide eyed, and looked at Jensen. His Jensen was gone, that smooth character in place. Jared had never been gladder to see that persona.

Some random person asking very personal questions was out of line and intrusive but the questions kept coming. Jensen grabbed his hand and muttered into his shoulder.

“They can’t touch us, just keep walking. Ignore them.”

Jared held on to him and watched as flashes happened around him. They were the center of attention. Everybody was staring.

Jared held on to Jensen’s hand. In the back of his head, Jared checked off all the people that he knew just to make sure that they knew he was gay, because Jared was completely sure that these were paparazzi. He had come out in high school; he was sure of who he was. He loved his boyfriend. He was sure of his life. He had to tell himself over and over because he felt like he was being ripped naked.

The people around them were yelling.

Jared was dumbstruck and never happier to get into a car than when Jensen slid him in the back of a town car that had been sent for them. He got into the car and put his head between his knees.

Jensen rubbed his back.

“Are you okay?” Jensen asked softly.

“Fine,” Jared bit out. “I was kicked in the balls by a girlfriend when I told her I was gay. This kind of feels like that.”

Jensen put his arm around Jared’s shoulder.

“It is okay,” Jensen said, pulling out his phone. “They’re like vultures, they’ll forget about us in a few days. Just keep your head down. Don’t respond to anything that they say. It will be okay. I’m going to call Josh; he’ll be able to hook something up.”

Jared just nodded.

“Hey, baby brother,” Josh answered. “How are you?”

“Tell me,” Jensen said, not letting go of Jared.

“They snapped pictures like crazy. You’re in the weekly rags,” Josh said tiredly. “You are now the family drama.”

“What did they get?” Jensen asked.

“A few of you wasted on New Year’s, making out with Jared,” Josh said gently. “And one of Jared buck naked coming out of the water.”

“Oh,” Jensen said, kissing the back of Jared’s neck.

“I’m going to get you some guys to do some sweeps,” Josh said. “You know the usual.”

“Okay,” Jensen said in a small voice, seeing only Jared who was wrecked. “I’m so sorry,” Jensen said to both Josh and Jared.

Jared didn’t respond.

“For going on vacation with your boyfriend?” Josh said laughing. “Yeah that is something totally out of hand.”

Jared looked up finally and mouthed the words, ‘It’s okay.’

Jensen looked at Jared. “You’re not mad.”

Jared shook his head.

“I love you,” Josh said. “I know who you are.”

“Where is the but?” Jensen said tiredly, the good mood from vacation completely gone.

“Jensen, you know I would never use you for political gain,” Josh told him.

“Josh, are you apologizing to me?” Jensen asked.

“You’re on the cover of some tabloids with the title ‘Gay Scandal’,” Josh told him. “I’m sorry that you are out there, but let me tell you it isn’t going to hurt me any to announce that I’m not ashamed of my perfect little baby brother. I’m going to make a statement, with your approval, and I’m going to laugh in their faces. You were drunk on New Year’s with your boyfriend, who I’m sure that they will point out is nineteen, which is legal there. He was naked, which is also legal there, and my lovely wife now has a crush on your boyfriend and said, and I quote, ‘There needs to be more naked Jared’, whatever that means. So, basically, you were on a romantic vacation with your committed boyfriend. I think this is the first time in the history of the universe that this has happened. It is so within the realm of acceptability it hurts me a little. I’ve gotta tell you, your scandals are so lame. Chris is going to tell you the same thing when you call him next.”

“Oh,” Jensen said quietly.

“We have your back, the family,” Josh said. “Let me do damage control. It will be boring and they’ll go away. I promise. Keeping it a secret is going to make it worse, you know that. You know the only way to be right is to be open and out loud. I know this, you know this. I will take care of you. Just let me.”

“Let me talk to Jared,” Jensen said.

“Anything you want,” Josh said.

Jensen hung up the phone and looked at Jared.

Jared looked at his fear-filled eyes and just gave the best grin he could. “Guess now we live out loud, eh?”

Jensen didn’t realize it, but he must have given some sigh of relief.

“Baby,” Jared said softly. “Do you really think that I’d have any other reaction?”

Jensen shrugged. “I keep waiting for the bottom to fall out.”

“It might,” Jared said practically. “It probably won’t.”

“I love you,” Jensen told him. “On no uncertain terms.”

“Well, that is a relief,” Jared said wryly.

Jensen sat back.

After a moment Jared put on the strongest smile he could; it was so fake it nearly broke Jensen’s heart.

“My mother is so going to put this on the fridge,” Jared sighed.

Jensen didn’t let go.

:::

That was the first time.

The second time Jared was in one of his classes, trying to finish a test. The third time he was working out. The fourth time they were going to the library.

The magazines were awash with them: hot, young, and gay. It was an internet sensation, it was a tabloid sensation. Jensen was an Ackles, Jared was normal, people were oddly fascinated by them and their lives. The press was making it into some kind of fairy tale.

Jensen and Jared stopped counting the times that the press were waiting outside their doors.

They stopped thinking that their life was a fairy tale, because it wasn’t under the harsh glare of flashbulbs.

Jared stopped talking as much because he didn’t know who was listening. It seemed like everyone always was. Those who weren’t listening were staring. He had never wanted to be the center of attention, but now he was, all the time.

:::

They tried to live like they had no secrets. Jared felt most days like he didn’t have enough skin to cover himself.

Josh’s campaign was going full blast and Jared accompanied Jensen to most of the events.

“Jen,” Chris said grabbing Jensen’s arm. He was talking to an aunt when Chris hauled him to the other side of the fundraiser. “Get your boy. Crawford has him cornered and the fucker has the ‘nice’ look on his face.”

Jensen looked over at Jared, who was talking animatedly.

“Fuck, Jensen said.

Chase Crawford was kind of a cousin. He was the son of one of their grandfather’s bastards. Grandpa Ackles had taken Chase in when he was young, so Chase thought of himself as one of the more important family members. He always introduced himself as Chase Ackles Crawford.

Jensen found him pompous and Chris just called him a douche bag, especially when he used to follow them around as children.

He was a dick, plain and simple. He always like to point out how uncultured people were, how much below ‘us’ other people were.

Jensen crossed the room and curled up to Jared.

“Hey, baby,” Jensen said.

Jared looked down happily at him.

“Jared was just telling me about your little Christmas,” Chase said pointedly. “He was telling me all about your trip to the Olive Garden as per Padalecki family tradition. What a classy Christmas Eve.”

Jensen held Jared tighter, as Jared looked confused.

“He also talked to the governor,” Chase said, clicking his tongue.

Jared suddenly looked dumbstruck.

“Wanna go home, baby?” Jensen said with no malice, looking at Chris. Chris had the look on his face that said he was going to maim Chase a little bit. Grandma loved Jared and didn’t like Chase so much, so Chris could probably get away with it.

They were in the car when Jared looked at Jensen.

“I’m sorry,” Jared said in a small voice. “I don’t know exactly what I did wrong, but I think I did something wrong. I can do better, I promise. I just don’t know what I did.”

Jensen’s heart tore a little. He put his hand on Jared’s knee and Jared put on of his big mitts on top. Jensen pulled the car over.

He looked at Jared.

“Jared,” Jensen said looking at Jared, cupping his face. “You did absolutely nothing wrong. I adore you, everyone adores you.”

Jared blinked and looked so lost. “Then, what? What is wrong with the Olive Garden?”

“Nothing, baby,” Jensen said. “Chase is a dick. He’s an asshole--he doesn’t mean anything to the family.”

“But everyone outside of the family doesn’t know that,” Jared pointed out astutely.

“I love you,” Jensen said, pulling him in for a kiss.

Jensen tried to seal the riff with a kiss. Jared kissed back, needy and hurting, holding onto Jensen.

:::

Jensen didn’t say anything. He made sure that Jared knew how much he loved him, appreciated him. Jared was so responsive. So happy when they were alone.

But Jensen would catch him, when Jared didn’t think that he was looking, and the kid would look like he was in pain, steeling himself for something else.

Every time it was like a kick to the gut.

:::

Jensen got a call from his mother.

“Jensen,” she said smoothly and Jensen knew that things were not going to go well. “There is no shame in bringing Jared home to your Grandmother for awhile. I know that when I first met your father I needed some polishing and my background was more refined than Jared’s.”

“Jared is perfect,” Jensen said hurriedly.

“I know, honey,” she said smoothly. “Everybody adores Jared. We want you to keep Jared. I love him and I love him with you. We wouldn’t offer this if we didn’t like him. This is just a little help when he’s not with you. Just some polish.”

“You aren’t polishing Jared,’ Jensen said defiantly. “I like him the way he is.”

“Honey,” his mother began.

“No,” Jensen said. “I will not make him feel badly about what he is. He won’t understand it. He is perfect. I adore him. I won’t throw him to the wolves.”

“Jensen,” his mother said softly. “If you don’t let us help, you will be.”

:::

Jensen showed up outside of Chad’s class.

Chad looked at him and then looked behind him.

“Where is the paparazzi?” Chad asked snidely. “Where are the douche bag cousins?”

Jensen steeled himself.

“It’s not like that. He’s happy with me. He is always smiling,” Jensen began.

Chad glared at him. “Of course he is. He’s trying so hard but he feels like he is coming up nothing. He tries like hell when it comes to you, so of course he’s smiling, but when you’re not around he looks like he’s dying inside.”

Jensen nodded.

“I thought so,” Jensen said sadly.

Chad looked at him for a moment.

“If…” Jensen started. “I mean, I’m sorry. I might…and then maybe…”

Chad sucked in a breath and shook his head. “You two are great you know.”

“Yeah, but it is more than us,” Jensen said. “We don’t exist in a vacuum. It never can be just us.”

Chad closed his eyes.

“I’m sorry,” Jensen said. “If anything happens…I don’t want you to hate me, but I can’t care if you have to. Just do me a favor, take care of him.”

Chad opened his eyes and watched Jensen leave.

:::

Jensen was glad that this semester was a lighter load, because he suddenly found himself needed for his brother’s campaign. He wanted more than anything just to be anonymous, but his brother was his biggest fan; there was no reason that he couldn’t be his brother’s biggest fan too.

There were interviews, where he tried to keep his personal life personal, but the cat was out of the bag and he found himself very much in the forefront with the media.

“You could come with me?” Jensen said as he looked in his closet for a belt.

Jared lay on the bed, reading. “Can’t. I have a paper.”

Over the last few months Jensen had been getting more and more comfortable with the spotlight. Jensen knew that this kind of thing existed. He had practically grown up in front of cameras, so he could revert, but gregarious Jared hated it.

“I have a paper, really,” Jared insisted.

“Okay,” Jensen said slowly, putting on a tie. He knew that Jared hated it. He had gone to a few of the fundraisers, had stood by while Jensen smiled at many people who he knew as friends of friends and other such things.

Jared loved people, talked the ear off of Jensen’s cleaning lady, charmed his family, and had most people in the palm of his hands, but for some reason, when he was forced to socialize, surrounded by people who were slick and fake and very rich, Jared went mute.

Jensen sat on the bed and looked at him with big eyes.

“We’ve been together for almost a year, Jared,” Jensen said. “This is part of me. This is part of what I’ve grown up to be, what I’ve grown up to do. I don’t ask you to be anything you aren’t, but this is part of me.”

Jared put down his book. “Jensen, do you think that maybe you don’t have to?”

Jensen heard the question, heard rocks being thrown at the fortress of their relationship. He swallowed.

“It’s just--” Jared said, swallowing. “I mean, you’re so busy with school, and on the rare free time that you get you’re helping your brother. I kind of just miss you.”

Jensen fiddled with the ends of his tie. “It’s my family, Jared.”

Jared nodded, he knew that much, knew that they would be part of it all, but knowing was different than experiencing. He got up and knelt before Jensen, Jensen’s eyes were starting to get a little misty.

“You’re nineteen,” Jensen said in a soft voice. “I forget sometimes. You’ve dealt with my family, you’ve dealt with paparazzi, you shouldn’t have to deal with this.”

Jared blinked, hearing what was under Jensen’s voice. When he finally spoke it was soft and raspy.

“You aren’t that much older,” Jared tried.

Jensen shook his head. “I’ve been dealing with this since I was born. This is my life--I was raised for this, groomed for it. I can’t ask this of you anymore.”

“I can handle it,” Jared said quickly.

“I can’t ask you to,” Jensen said quietly.

“I…” Jared began.

Jensen cut him off with a kiss. His hands were caught in the front of Jared’s shirt, fisting so hard he tore the thin material. Jared gave it back, pushing Jensen back, his tongue dipping into Jensen’s mouth, mapping it, claiming all that he was.

Jared claimed Jensen, hard and fast, with teeth and tongue and lips.

And then Jensen gently pushed him back.

“This is my life,” Jensen said. “I love you, but the paparazzi aren’t going to stop. My family isn’t going to stop. I don’t want to change you, but this isn’t the life for you. The only way to protect you, to give you a normal life is to…”

Jared buried his head in Jensen’s shoulder, speaking and not seeing, hoping that it would stop the words Jensen was going to say. “I don’t care about normal.”

Jensen pulled away and ran his fingers along Jared’s cheekbones.

Jared tugged at Jensen’s tie and slowly began to tie it. Jensen watched his fingers.

Finally when he looked up his eyes were wet and his cheeks were tracked.

“I finally learned to tie one,” Jared said.

Jensen just swallowed the lump in his throat.

Jared sniffed. “We’re breaking up, aren’t we?”

Jensen looked at his tie, perfectly tied. “If you want I can start being a jerk and push you away without you knowing why.”

Jared swallowed. “No, I’ll be much better with this. But maybe after the election, maybe after…”

“After what?” Jensen said softly. “My brother is running for state senate, then he’s either going to go to the governor’s mansion or to the US Senate. Jared, this is a train and you can’t stop the forward motion. This is something I’m a part of. But you have a life here, you have school and your family and you are going to hate me if this keeps going.”

“You don’t know that,” Jared said, sounding small even to himself.

“It looks like a real strong possibility,” Jensen said with regret.

Jared looked at him, ready to argue, then he deflated, tears stopped. “I’ll be gone when you get back.”
::




Pro & 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5, Epi, Notes

america's son, fic, big bang

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