(no subject)
Eric Bud is a despicable human being who needs to be erradicated from this planet. if i could fly down to texas and kick the living shit out of him, i truly would. how he could have the AUDACITY to just leave without even telling us.. writing his "goodbye" in a NOTE instead of being upfront with us is just an example of his true character. i hope he rots in hell in texas and learns that friendships are made and lost based on your actions.. and not only actions that affect those two parties but things you do to other people as well. how he could think that hurting two people in new jersey would have no affect on his relationships in texas is assinine. You are a worthless human being who will amount to nothing eric. I can't believe that I went job hunting with you. I can't believe that I shelled out EIGHT FUCKING MONTHS OF UTILITIES, just to make YOUR LIFE IN NEW JERSEY A LITTLE BETTER AND LESS STRESSFUL!!! I can't believe that I didn't nag you EVERY FUCKING DAY. I can't believe that WE put up with you being the lazy, worthless fucking piece of shit that you were. I can't believe that we lived with you for those many months. It's really sad to think that a person who was held in such a high regard could become so little in people's minds now. Good Luck in Texas, I hope you treat them a little better than you treat us.
--my thoughts on the whole Eric Bud situation....
so i have been with brian for three months now. so strange. we break up, sorta, almost every week because i'm an emotional nutcase yet he never lets me truly do it. i guess i'm really really lucky because he loves me that much. it's strange to be involved with someone who truly cares for you to the point where his pain is nothing compared to the pain of not being with me.
i dunno, it's really scary. i've changed him a lot, i think. he doesn't really spend much time with his friends.. but than again, i don't really know for sure how much time he ever did. but i know that now he doesn't go out drinking every thursday night. or go out drinking really at all. and he pretty much eats only vegan food when we MAKE dinner. and a few times he'll order vegan food just so that he can kiss me after lunch or dinner. i dunno, he's doing so many things FOR me that i can't believe someone would do. i dunno, he's making compromises because i can not and will not make any compromises on my veganism or on my dislike for alcohol. so i guess i am changing him, but whether or not it's for the better or worse is up for grabs.. i guess he needs me right now. and i need him. whether or not we're together for a year or for three years or 10 years, hahaah. right now we're helping each other kind of understand what we deserve from someone else. he's helping me to realize that i DO deserve someone who'll hold my hand walking down the street, or who'll come to my school with an umbrella just so that i don't get wet, or who'll take lunch early just to spend another hour with me.. and most of all, who'll try and hold me when i'm crawling on the floor telling him to leave me alone and that we have to break up because i'm flipping out about something that won't matter in the morning. or if it does matter in the morning, it won't matter a few hours later.. yet at that moment, he knows that i'm acting irrationally and saying so many irrational things and packing up the pleathora of crap i now have laying around here, just because i need to do it. because there's something wrong with me at that moment which is making me feel so screwed up. and that i need him to just take my shit because i don't truly want to lose him and he loves me enough to endure the pain i'm causing on him because of some stupid stupid reason that i feel is so important that it's making me feel like it's not worth taking THAT pain by staying with him.
and if you just followed ANYTHING i just said, congratulations. i only think eric might actually read that bullshit. hahaah.
How are you eric? How is Angel? School is over this week so next week we need to hang out. Granted the next semester starts the following week but whatever, i'll have a week of freedom!
vanessa and stacey and co went to foodswings last night. me = mucho jealous. i should hang out with my friends more.. it's just really difficult given the schedule of work at 7am. when i'm at home i really want to hang out but i'm so tired and I know I have to be up at 5:30 to get to work on-time and it's a bitch.. I hope stacey is happy! <3<3<3 But once brian stops going to the hamptons every weekend it should be easier. because he can just come stay over in jersey.. because he kinda knows how important stuff like that is to me now. i dunno, my family, my friends mean everything in the world to me and i am very very lucky to have the amazing friends that i do have. and currently i am not being so appreciative of them because i'm spending all my time with my boyfriend or working or going to school or blahblahblah. and well, time must be made for those you love.
School is okay so far.. I'm doing really well in my speech class, though i fucked up a speech this week. and well my next group speech is not looking too good. but whatever, it's okay. i won't deserve a "B" but if i get it, so what. not so what, i'll freak out and cry but yeah.. shit happens.
I really want falafel. and now Brian is telling me i need to work on my school work. whateverrrrrrr. I really want falafel. I think i might make our falafel mix. yummy in my tummy.
--my thoughts on the whole Eric Bud situation....
so i have been with brian for three months now. so strange. we break up, sorta, almost every week because i'm an emotional nutcase yet he never lets me truly do it. i guess i'm really really lucky because he loves me that much. it's strange to be involved with someone who truly cares for you to the point where his pain is nothing compared to the pain of not being with me.
i dunno, it's really scary. i've changed him a lot, i think. he doesn't really spend much time with his friends.. but than again, i don't really know for sure how much time he ever did. but i know that now he doesn't go out drinking every thursday night. or go out drinking really at all. and he pretty much eats only vegan food when we MAKE dinner. and a few times he'll order vegan food just so that he can kiss me after lunch or dinner. i dunno, he's doing so many things FOR me that i can't believe someone would do. i dunno, he's making compromises because i can not and will not make any compromises on my veganism or on my dislike for alcohol. so i guess i am changing him, but whether or not it's for the better or worse is up for grabs.. i guess he needs me right now. and i need him. whether or not we're together for a year or for three years or 10 years, hahaah. right now we're helping each other kind of understand what we deserve from someone else. he's helping me to realize that i DO deserve someone who'll hold my hand walking down the street, or who'll come to my school with an umbrella just so that i don't get wet, or who'll take lunch early just to spend another hour with me.. and most of all, who'll try and hold me when i'm crawling on the floor telling him to leave me alone and that we have to break up because i'm flipping out about something that won't matter in the morning. or if it does matter in the morning, it won't matter a few hours later.. yet at that moment, he knows that i'm acting irrationally and saying so many irrational things and packing up the pleathora of crap i now have laying around here, just because i need to do it. because there's something wrong with me at that moment which is making me feel so screwed up. and that i need him to just take my shit because i don't truly want to lose him and he loves me enough to endure the pain i'm causing on him because of some stupid stupid reason that i feel is so important that it's making me feel like it's not worth taking THAT pain by staying with him.
and if you just followed ANYTHING i just said, congratulations. i only think eric might actually read that bullshit. hahaah.
How are you eric? How is Angel? School is over this week so next week we need to hang out. Granted the next semester starts the following week but whatever, i'll have a week of freedom!
vanessa and stacey and co went to foodswings last night. me = mucho jealous. i should hang out with my friends more.. it's just really difficult given the schedule of work at 7am. when i'm at home i really want to hang out but i'm so tired and I know I have to be up at 5:30 to get to work on-time and it's a bitch.. I hope stacey is happy! <3<3<3 But once brian stops going to the hamptons every weekend it should be easier. because he can just come stay over in jersey.. because he kinda knows how important stuff like that is to me now. i dunno, my family, my friends mean everything in the world to me and i am very very lucky to have the amazing friends that i do have. and currently i am not being so appreciative of them because i'm spending all my time with my boyfriend or working or going to school or blahblahblah. and well, time must be made for those you love.
School is okay so far.. I'm doing really well in my speech class, though i fucked up a speech this week. and well my next group speech is not looking too good. but whatever, it's okay. i won't deserve a "B" but if i get it, so what. not so what, i'll freak out and cry but yeah.. shit happens.
I really want falafel. and now Brian is telling me i need to work on my school work. whateverrrrrrr. I really want falafel. I think i might make our falafel mix. yummy in my tummy.