“We have the wolf by the ears; we can neither hold him, nor let him go." For auror_aura

[true_marauder]

Wolfsbane potion imbibed by a wizard now flowed through the veins of a wolf, calming him, keeping his more dangerous predilections at bay.  Sometimes the draught was enough to cool his blood and allow him to curl up before the fire and sleep, but not tonight.  Tonight he prowled the room he could not leave, thanks to charms he could not undo in

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[true_marauder]

Hurry back. She said it so easily, accepting that he would return. It was as if this morning hadn't happened, hadn't changed anything. He couldn't let it go so easily.

Once in the bathroom he turned the shower on as hot as he could stand, the room filling with steam quickly. The heat was enough to take away the stiffness of his muscles if not the aches of his bones and joints. Those would only fade with time. He stayed under the water until his skin grew too sensitive to the heat, then turned off the water. Before dressing he tended to the scratches on his arms and hands, plus the small puncture wound near his wrist that he knew came from a tooth, applying a cream that Poppy made for him, and bandages to two places.

When he returned to his room Tonks was still asleep in his bed. He stood in the doorway watching her, wondering if it wouldn't be better to just leave and be done with it, rather then drawing it out. He couldn't do it. Remus stepped into the room and closed the door, then walked to the window and looked out, not really seeing anything any more then they could see him.

[auror_aura]

As she woke up, her immediate reaction was to reach out for Remus, but he wasn't there. She sat up, blinking blearily, and saw him standing at the window, apparently engrossed in his own thoughts. She could tell, because he was frowning a little and his brow was furrowed.

She got up, moving across the room to him. She could see the tension in his body, and with a sigh she ran her hands carefully down from his shoulder blades, hoping to help him relax a little.

[true_marauder]

He did relax a little, his body reacting instinctively to her touch and body heat.

"How are your wrists," he asked softly, not turning around to look at her.

[auror_aura]

She glanced at her wrists, which weren't red anymore - they were now ringed with dark purple bruises. "They're fine. They don't even hurt." She paused and squinted a little in concentration, and in an instant the bruises appeared to be gone, replaced by soft, unblemished skin. "See?" She held her hands in front of his face to reassure him.

[true_marauder]

He inspected her wrists carefully, his frown deepening in the understanding of what she had done. "No one heals that fast, Dora. Putting a mask over something may hide the truth but it doesn't change it."

The earliest events of the morning were hazy, more like an erotic dream then a memory. He didn't remember causing the bruises, only the overwhelming desire and the need to take what was his. He hated that there was even a part of him that could reduce her to nothing more then his possession.

[auror_aura]

She flushed a little, but gave a frustrated sigh nonetheless. "You didn't hurt me. The skin is bruised, and it's a little tender, but my wrists are fine. I'm a big, tough girl. I've done far worse to myself before, without any outside help. Please stop fretting about it, you're getting upset over nothing."

Another sigh, and she moved to stand in front of him, sliding her arms around his neck. "The fact that you feel so bad is a nice reminder of what a good person you really are. Please don't hate yourself so much. I love you."

[true_marauder]

"It's not nothing." While not quite a shout his voice was raised, full of frustration and anger.

"Damn it, Dora, why won't you understand? This is who I am and all I have to offer; a broken man in a ruined room that doesn't even belong to me because I can't afford even the rent on a flat. Everything I own fits in one bag and I can't hope for more because the Ministry's newest laws make it illegal from me to seek work. And once a month I turn into a monster who wants to make you hurt."

He didn't move to return her touch, deliberately keeping his hands behind his back when her arms encircled him. He did, however, lean forward so that their foreheads touched, and lowered his voice to something not much above a whisper. "I'd give everything to believe you, but I can't. All I see is a world where what I am makes your life less then it should be."

[auror_aura]

She flinched a little at his raised voice, and felt a little cold without his arms around her, but she stubbornly refused to pull away.

"We can get the laws changed. It's happened before, and it can happen again. We'll fight them and make things better. I'm not afraid of a little hardship, and I don't want you thinking you have to provide for me in some way. I can take care of myself."

She took a couple of deep breaths, taking in the warmth and smell that were familiar to her now, that made her feel like she was exactly where she belonged. "My life is so much better with you in it. I've never been so happy with anyone, ever. Even..." She paused, her face flushing again. "Even the wolf, Remus, it wasn't going to hurt me..."

[true_marauder]

"I know you can provide for yourself; Moody, in his own sort of way, has said that you're brilliant at your job." He didn't know how to explain to her what it felt like knowing that the slim chances he'd had for work were gone, the frustration that the longest he'd held down a job in his life had been the year at Hogwarts, and only then had it been possible because of Dumbledore. She could take care of herself, but he couldn't say the same thing.

He closed his eyes briefly when she flushed, when he recognized the look in her eyes. His jaw tensed.

"I need you to know, to really understand..." He opened his eyes and cupped one hand against the side of her face, making sure she couldn't look away. "If you believe nothing else I've said today you have to understand that you can't trust the wolf. You can't be anywhere near me when I'm like that."

He took a deep breath, remembering just what the wolf had wanted to do to her. "The wolf wouldn't have attacked you this time, but that doesn't mean anything. Next time he - I - could be out for blood, and even this morning... I wouldn't have cared about your comfort, or readiness, or safely. I would have used you."

[auror_aura]

She nodded. "I understand. I promise, I won't show up so early again. That was my fault, and you don't have to worry about it happening again." She kissed the corner of his mouth gently. "You didn't know what you were doing. You weren't you, because you would never use me."

[true_marauder]

"I wasn't wrong when I said I shouldn't have let Sirius convince me that it was safe to transform here. I will go someplace else on the night of a full moon."

His other hand cupped her other cheek, so that he held her captured. He kissed her back, understanding that as much as it scared him he couldn't let her go, even if she let him. "I'm afraid I'll use you up just by letting you stay."

[auror_aura]

"Remus, sweetheart, I'm not a... a glass of water you can drain dry," Tonks said consolingly. "I'm a person, and I make my own decisions, and you should trust me to make the right decisions for me. We're adults, and we'll work through whatever problems pop up."

[true_marauder]

He thought of his parents who had aged decades in the ten years between his being bitten and their deaths. Sirius, who was in many ways only the shell of who he had been. Peter, on his hands and knees begging, already a ghost, his soul dead. The werewolf pack he would be joining soon, more animal then human. There were a million ways to be used up, but she was young and alive and couldn't see it yet.

"I do trust you, completely. But I love you, and that means wanting to protect you, and wanting what's best for you."

[auror_aura]

"I understand," she murmured, tracing his features carefully, even though she knew them by heart now. "I love you, too, and it's not about how much gold you have or your condition or how old you are. It's about how you make me feel, and no one who makes me feel this good could possibly be bad."

[true_marauder]

He couldn't agree with her but he wouldn't disagree, not for now. He couldn't help feeling that this was only a reprieve, though. There was a clock somewhere counting down the time they had until he would have to leave, and it was only going to get harder with each day they spent together.

Finally he wrapped his arms around her, pulling her tight against his chest, tucking her head beneath his chin. "All I want is for you to be happy and safe."

[auror_aura]

"I try to stay as safe as I can. And you make me very happy, Remus. No matter what, I want you to know how happy you make me." Being in his arms was like coming home.