my first wish is that I hadn't rubbed you in the first place...
fuck. fuckity-fuck-fuck. shit.
so, the last few days have been soo much fun. so why am I once again feeling like this. ::sigh:: fuck. fuckity-fuck-fuck. shit. I just can't deal. with people, with change, with myself. How can I be so ill-equiped to deal with my own problems and my own life? It might as well be happening to someone else for as much control as I have over the situation. And I guess it's not that I don't have control, it's just that I don't know what to do, and it's so easy to just ignore it--and by ignore I mean worry about what i'm going to do until the moment miraculously passes. "I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain."
I just found out that i'll be spending 2 weeks all by my lonesome. Cathy's leaving end of may/early june for the himalayas and tara's going to hawaii with her family for the first two weeks of june. and we're looking to end our lease on june 30th. which doesn't give me too much time to pack up my stuff. I'll think about this in june--after the conference and after ed's visit. What am I going to do with all this junk i have? maybe i should start going through some of it...
So, it looks like my plan to stay around and visit through july is not going to happen. I got an e-mail of information and one of the things it said was that new students should plan to arrive by end of june/early july in order to find an apartment/roommates. hrm. and I thought i was behind before. ::sigh:: mayabe this week i'll get around to reading the whole packet and sending out an e-mail looking for roommates. This is going to be harder than I thought. And i'm thinking of doing it alone. I have too many crutches already. It's time for me to be a big girl, right?
fuck. fuckity-fuck-fuck. shit.
so, the last few days have been soo much fun. so why am I once again feeling like this. ::sigh:: fuck. fuckity-fuck-fuck. shit. I just can't deal. with people, with change, with myself. How can I be so ill-equiped to deal with my own problems and my own life? It might as well be happening to someone else for as much control as I have over the situation. And I guess it's not that I don't have control, it's just that I don't know what to do, and it's so easy to just ignore it--and by ignore I mean worry about what i'm going to do until the moment miraculously passes. "I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain."
I just found out that i'll be spending 2 weeks all by my lonesome. Cathy's leaving end of may/early june for the himalayas and tara's going to hawaii with her family for the first two weeks of june. and we're looking to end our lease on june 30th. which doesn't give me too much time to pack up my stuff. I'll think about this in june--after the conference and after ed's visit. What am I going to do with all this junk i have? maybe i should start going through some of it...
So, it looks like my plan to stay around and visit through july is not going to happen. I got an e-mail of information and one of the things it said was that new students should plan to arrive by end of june/early july in order to find an apartment/roommates. hrm. and I thought i was behind before. ::sigh:: mayabe this week i'll get around to reading the whole packet and sending out an e-mail looking for roommates. This is going to be harder than I thought. And i'm thinking of doing it alone. I have too many crutches already. It's time for me to be a big girl, right?
fuck. fuckity-fuck-fuck. shit.