Neuroses
So here's what I've been up to:
Tues evening - didn't have my belly-dance class because my teacher didn't show up. Wah. Must motivate self to practice more on my own.
Tues night/Wed morning - had someone else's dreams. Seriously, that's the only explanation I can come up with. The characters weren't familiar to me, the settings weren't familiar except for once when it may or may not have turned into this labyrinthine train station that has previously figured in one of my dreams before, and I didn't interact with anyone. I just watched, and wondered, and sometimes felt bad for the main characters. It was a very odd experience. I remember a couple of transportation disasters, and a barn/farmhouse, and a man and a woman who were in love and worked together and something about them not wanting to tell people about being together because of something about when you're always seen with something like a blanket for so long and then you're without it and people start asking about it because they're so used to seeing you with it and they see it as you or an integral part of you and they can't accept that that's just not you anymore and their asking makes you uncomfortable, but then after the transportation disasters she didn't care about that anymore and just wanted to get it in the open but he didn't because he wanted to protect her from people's stares. I really remember the blanket. It was beige. Weird.
yesterday - bleh. one thing after another. caveat: i'm going to stop using capitalization for a bit. i came in to work yesterday morning and the only two printers that were working were the ones that i do my work from due to some power outage on wed. the boys had taken over them because they needed to print up pick tickets and work orders. so much for getting caught up on the work from wed. then my computer kept crashing and showing me the blue screen of death and we had to call the tech guy in. he finally figured out about noon that the problem was that the usb drive to my printer had corrupted, which he said was a common thing for hp all-in-ones. lovely. i ended up working from another computer until this happened. now my printer is unplugged, and my computer works fine. ridiculous. also, one of the forklift drivers came in an took my chair just as i was walking back to it. he saw me walking towards it and still took it. asshole. i just went up to him and said, "excuse you?!". he got up real fast. wanker. and to add insult to injury, all day yesterday i was cramping like a diver with the bends. meh.
Today's actually been pretty good. I'm all caught up on my work and reading and everything. Nobody's bugged me yet. And! I just remembered that "Unleashed" comes out today. I love me some Jet Li. *grins*
But of course no up-day is complete without it's downs.
I have resolved, once again, that the guy from work is not the best place to pin my hopes of relational happiness. His flirting with the other girl in the office has gotten worse now that she's engaged and he has his own apartment. And I know that it means nothing because she's not interested in him in the least, but still......it stings. And I ask myself every time I resolve this why and how I lose my resolve. I know who he is, I know what he's like, and I still let myself fall for the least look or touch or gesture. Stupid me.
I received an email today from an old friend of mine. I'm on this email list of his to which he sends out updates on his life every 3-6 months. He was a great friend. We had one of those friendships where you could not see each other for a while and then when you did see them, you just picked up where you left off. He helped me out a lot my freshman year of college when I was still emotionally shattered from my life up til then. He helped me see that it was possible to trust some men, and he started helping me with my fear of human contact. Sometimes I'd just sit in his room and he'd play the guitar and sing for me. I developed a crush on him my junior year. Around the same time, about 6 years ago, he went to Mexico. He was roughly 21. And he met this girl and fell for her. She was 15 or younger. He never told me exactly how old she was. But they've been engaged for about the last 3 years. They're waiting until he finishes med school to get married. I thought I was over him. The update he sent today was just a link to some pictures. I thought, why not? It could be nice to see where life's taken him. And it'd be kinda cool to see his younger siblings all grown up. He was never the most attractive guy, but that was more than compensated by his beautiful heart. And as I was looking at the pictures, I was surprised by a stirring in my heart. Not of the "It would be nice to see him and catch up with him" variety, but of the "Why couldn't he have chosen me?" kind. And I thought I was over him. He's still not a terribly attractive guy, but each feature seems so dear. It's probably best that I stay away. But I'm glad that I've not been completely eradicated from his life. I do wish him the best and the happiest with her, but the ache is more than a stinging. Stupid me.
One more up-thing before I end. My boss has agreed to give me next Thurs and Friday off so that I can go to LA and see Star Wars with my buds. Woot! *massive grin*
Tues evening - didn't have my belly-dance class because my teacher didn't show up. Wah. Must motivate self to practice more on my own.
Tues night/Wed morning - had someone else's dreams. Seriously, that's the only explanation I can come up with. The characters weren't familiar to me, the settings weren't familiar except for once when it may or may not have turned into this labyrinthine train station that has previously figured in one of my dreams before, and I didn't interact with anyone. I just watched, and wondered, and sometimes felt bad for the main characters. It was a very odd experience. I remember a couple of transportation disasters, and a barn/farmhouse, and a man and a woman who were in love and worked together and something about them not wanting to tell people about being together because of something about when you're always seen with something like a blanket for so long and then you're without it and people start asking about it because they're so used to seeing you with it and they see it as you or an integral part of you and they can't accept that that's just not you anymore and their asking makes you uncomfortable, but then after the transportation disasters she didn't care about that anymore and just wanted to get it in the open but he didn't because he wanted to protect her from people's stares. I really remember the blanket. It was beige. Weird.
yesterday - bleh. one thing after another. caveat: i'm going to stop using capitalization for a bit. i came in to work yesterday morning and the only two printers that were working were the ones that i do my work from due to some power outage on wed. the boys had taken over them because they needed to print up pick tickets and work orders. so much for getting caught up on the work from wed. then my computer kept crashing and showing me the blue screen of death and we had to call the tech guy in. he finally figured out about noon that the problem was that the usb drive to my printer had corrupted, which he said was a common thing for hp all-in-ones. lovely. i ended up working from another computer until this happened. now my printer is unplugged, and my computer works fine. ridiculous. also, one of the forklift drivers came in an took my chair just as i was walking back to it. he saw me walking towards it and still took it. asshole. i just went up to him and said, "excuse you?!". he got up real fast. wanker. and to add insult to injury, all day yesterday i was cramping like a diver with the bends. meh.
Today's actually been pretty good. I'm all caught up on my work and reading and everything. Nobody's bugged me yet. And! I just remembered that "Unleashed" comes out today. I love me some Jet Li. *grins*
But of course no up-day is complete without it's downs.
I have resolved, once again, that the guy from work is not the best place to pin my hopes of relational happiness. His flirting with the other girl in the office has gotten worse now that she's engaged and he has his own apartment. And I know that it means nothing because she's not interested in him in the least, but still......it stings. And I ask myself every time I resolve this why and how I lose my resolve. I know who he is, I know what he's like, and I still let myself fall for the least look or touch or gesture. Stupid me.
I received an email today from an old friend of mine. I'm on this email list of his to which he sends out updates on his life every 3-6 months. He was a great friend. We had one of those friendships where you could not see each other for a while and then when you did see them, you just picked up where you left off. He helped me out a lot my freshman year of college when I was still emotionally shattered from my life up til then. He helped me see that it was possible to trust some men, and he started helping me with my fear of human contact. Sometimes I'd just sit in his room and he'd play the guitar and sing for me. I developed a crush on him my junior year. Around the same time, about 6 years ago, he went to Mexico. He was roughly 21. And he met this girl and fell for her. She was 15 or younger. He never told me exactly how old she was. But they've been engaged for about the last 3 years. They're waiting until he finishes med school to get married. I thought I was over him. The update he sent today was just a link to some pictures. I thought, why not? It could be nice to see where life's taken him. And it'd be kinda cool to see his younger siblings all grown up. He was never the most attractive guy, but that was more than compensated by his beautiful heart. And as I was looking at the pictures, I was surprised by a stirring in my heart. Not of the "It would be nice to see him and catch up with him" variety, but of the "Why couldn't he have chosen me?" kind. And I thought I was over him. He's still not a terribly attractive guy, but each feature seems so dear. It's probably best that I stay away. But I'm glad that I've not been completely eradicated from his life. I do wish him the best and the happiest with her, but the ache is more than a stinging. Stupid me.
One more up-thing before I end. My boss has agreed to give me next Thurs and Friday off so that I can go to LA and see Star Wars with my buds. Woot! *massive grin*